Just had a message come through on Messenger…

[Jazzicatz]

Just out for the day and checked my phone and I have a message from a stranger basically saying they think we share the same dad! This person is in their 60s, which would mean it was before my parents were together. They want a dna test to see if my father is also father to them. I haven’t replied yet, I am still in shock. What should I do?

Same, and how did they find you? Perhaps you need to ask them what research they have, and how they have concluded that you could be related.

I can't help wondering whether someone else in your wider family has done a DNA test on Ancestry or similar, and has uploaded their family tree, and this person has a minimal DNA link to them.

Be very cautious though.

And yet people on step parenting threads are so quick to tell SM’s that it’s unreasonable to expect DC from their partner’s previous relationship to want to spend any time/bond with their half sibling.

Yeah i think it could be a scam, girl, sorry x

I’ve been on MN for seventeen years and I have never once seen anyone say that half brothers and sisters should not spend time together.

Of course it could be a scam. But equally it could be someone who has spent years trying to find it who their blood relatives are. It could a disaster and bring a load of trouble or it could bring wonderful additions to your family.

@Jazzicatz I would simply reply saying that you need some time to process this and you would appreciate them first giving you any information they have that has led them to you/your father.

Do you have other siblings? Is your mother still alive?

How did they get your mobile and did they mention your father and you by name? I would want to make sure that this isn’t a scam before I proceeded.

If the person turns out to be real - I would definitely want to help them. Not knowing who your birth parent(s) are would be horrible, if you wanted to know.

How would this scam work?

Tell them you’ll take a DNA test at their cost. Make sure it’s a reputable provider.

This happened in my family, turned out they were right!

I'd want to know how they got your name also.

Having been that person who contacted a half-sister who had no idea I existed please don't block/ignore them. Take it slowly, get the dna done but be mindful of their search for the other half of who they are. Good luck.

I've been the person sending those messages before, it was definitely NOT a scam. And it's incredibly easy to find out who someone is via open Ancestry family trees and DNA links to your relatives. From there FB and social Media are your friends. The fact that so many on here are completely unaware of what has been easily done online for over a decade is a surprise.

Why would she want to establish a relationship but refuse DNA?

If anyone ever gets a message like that and you're worried. I'd suggest asking who they took the DNA test with and offering to do one the at the same company. You don't need to give the person any details of anything, if you're related it will show up. If you aren't it won't. No harm, no foul. OP if the person gave you any identification look them up independently. I'm assuming it was a FB message and not a text? I'd be more concerned about a text as it's easy to find someone on messenger. If they didn't give you any info and sent a text, id ignore.

Because she might want to get to know her brother but not everyone wants to do a DNA test

As someone who has been searching for my father for years I would be so disappointed if a potential sibling just ignored me . Just to have some information would mean so much even if they didn’t want a relationship. I would say ask for more information then consider your next steps .

Same.

Proceed with caution, as if it is a scam, but I bet it is a genuine person tracing their own biological history.

I would meet for real, with another person as a witness, and not exchange actual addresses until I was sure that the person was my relative - even then I still might like to keep the relationship to letters.

You can exchange information without committing to a relationship.

If it was me, I wouldn’t respond and would block them and forget about it.

The folk saying they would ignore/block - how nasty! What sort of scam could this be? They aren’t asking for money. You could potentially give someone information about who they are and where they have came from. How selfish to not do that for someone.

Of course people doing this kind of stunt don't immediately ask for anything. They bide their time, that doesn't mean to say it isn't a scam.

it's impossible to know for sure if it's genuine or a scam but if I got a text like this out of the blue with no preamble and no information on how they got my mobile phone and yet thought there was a connection between me and them, I'd naturally be very sceptical. You'd be naive not to question it, you'd proceed with caution if you have any sense. I certainly wouldn't fall for their request for a DNA test, no way!

Dara Obriens ’s latest show is about this and it’s pretty much how he found his family as he was adopted.

I'd want to know why they thought this etc but I would be making it clear I didn't want a relationship with them.

I'm saying this as someone who knows she has a half sister somewhere but I don't want to know her. Like yeah we share a dad but nothing else, not like we've grown up together.

Because information like what is your father's middle name, or mother's maiden name are often used for password resets. And there are scams where people are hooked in and then months later someone asks for money .. this could happen here ie Im your long lost sister fallen on hard times. I mean it was even a storyline in Ghosts!

DNA is very much personal sensitive information. OP - a DNA test then that's something to think about very carefully. Including how reputable the company is and how they securely process your info.

Completely get what you are saying but to just ignore and block is mean. Of course proceed with caution however anyone should be aware around people asking for money/personal information at all times anyway.
There is every chance this could be genuine and to not at least open lines of communication is not nice.

I know someone who has been through this, they did a sibling DNA test … and they were indeed half-siblings.

Both in thier 60s, and have developed the most wonderful relationship. Their sibling was adopted abroad, and they have been to visit, have had family holidays, and keep in touch.

Neither of them have other siblings, and it’s been lovely to watch

Where did they get your details from? I know it’s difficult to maintain an anonymous profile in this day and age but…

And once your DNA is out there, it’s there for ever. And there is no data protection for people who are deceased. Could your late father’s details be circulated wider as a result.