Just had a message come through on Messenger…

[Jazzicatz]

Just out for the day and checked my phone and I have a message from a stranger basically saying they think we share the same dad! This person is in their 60s, which would mean it was before my parents were together. They want a dna test to see if my father is also father to them. I haven’t replied yet, I am still in shock. What should I do?

I think I’d probably ask why they think this. I think I’d be pretty relaxed about it, the DNA test (at their expense if they want it), will either confirm or deny. Might help them, won’t affect you either way.

Same

I did and have no regrets about doing so.

it is a known scam and the first thing I'd want to know is how they got my contact details. ...and yes I'd think REALLY HARD before I took it any further and yes I might well decline and block.

That may not be the case.

That’s an unusually strong opening message, especially without anything like DNA to back it up. Do you have a particularly unique name? Very risky to send a message like that without confirming your father’s name/making sure they’re definitely messaging the right person; this would make me wary.

Personally I’d reply but wouldn’t provide any information, or confirm/deny anything they seem to know already. Asking what’s led them to believe this, or if they’ve already done a DNA test (and what matches they got from this) wouldn’t put you at any risk.

If it seems genuine, or you’re not sure, a DNA test would be able to clear up any confusion, and you could figure out next steps after that.

I may not block.

But have a personal policy against provate dna tests.

So.wouldn't do a test regardless.

If this happened to me, I'd assume spam.

It’s really not. He made a request to the institution that handled his adoption for information (which is particularly difficult in Ireland because of a constitutional ‘right to privacy’ of the biological parents), got his file and birth certificate and went from there. He didn’t message a total stranger out of the blue asking them to do a DNA test.

I think it's more related to Ancestary DNA and that sort of thing. This just sounds scammy.

I wouldn’t either. I’ve got this far in life not knowing, just wouldn’t want the hassle of it.

This happened to my friend. After her dad died, a woman contacted her and said I think you’re my sister.

After her parents divorce her dad moved to the other end of the country and they had very limited contact. Turns out he remarried and had 2 more DC - who are about 20 years younger than my friend and he’d never told his new family he had an ex wife and 2 older kids down south.

This is why so many scams are sucessful because peeps want to believe and are too trusting.
I would want some evidence first and look at the situation after that.
I am an only child but there is a chance I have half siblings, but I'm not interested in finding out .

People block and ignore actual siblings!

I could message anyone and anytime and claim to be a potential sibling. If my Dad had other children out there I honestly couldn’t care less. It would be great for them to know their heritage if it’s important to them, but for me personally, really don’t care.

I wouldn’t be agreeing to a DNA test for a completely random person and I think anyone who would is an idiot. By all means commute the conversation if you want to. Meet up. Investigate yourself. But a DNA test…nope.

I agree with this

But she wouldn’t know if they were a sibling or not without DNA.

"If its legit I would do the dna test. It seems unfair not to everyone has a right to know where they come from no matter what the circumstances"

Everybody also has a right to personal privacy. one right does not trump the other. one person may well choose to try to make contact, they other person has the right to refuse.

I would reply and chat to find out why they thought that, what level of information they had and proceed from there.

I had a similar message and through chatting I realised he'd muddled my father with his cousin and it was his cousin who was this person father (my father and his cousin had very similar names for example Paul Peter Alphonsus Maxwell UnusualSurname and Paul Alphonsus Peter Maxwell Unusual Surname so easily mixed up, especially as their birthdays were days apart).

Don't feel under pressure to reply straight away. Think about any potential repercussions if they are your half-sibling - do you have any other siblings, what's the family relationships like etc.

She’s obviously searched on Facebook. Do the DNA test. Was she adopted or did your Father just abandon the child and leave the Mother to it? This does matter if you were in Scotland as there’s not such thing as illegitimate now. She could claim on moveable assets in the Fathers late estate for up to ten years. I’m sure that’s not the case and they just want closure. It’s the parents fault abandoning a child. Due to the ease of DNA and social media this will happen more. In Scotland potentially she could go to court for a DNA test.

Not flaming you but I find that quite a bizarre response.

Asset protection is thicker than water I guess.

my thought would be the same....that this is some kind of scammer, not that they are looking for a share of inheritance but that the next thing was going to be about a scam.

I think anyone who agrees to give their DNA to anyone is incredibly naive. And that includes the likes of the geniology sites, many of which have already had data breaches.

Once your DNA is out there there is no getting it back, and all this giving away of DNA is a recipe for future identity theft/breach/invasion of privacy etc.

Blood doesn’t make a family. I didn’t have a sibling before, so I would have no interest in having a sibling now, and nobody owes anyone that.

The only person who might owe this individual answers would be the father, and as he’s dead that line of communication has closed.

But personally I would block someone purely on the basis that their first request to me was for me to give them my DNA. Not a chance. I wouldn’t care who they were. If that was their first request I’d assume they weren’t a particularly decent person, as no decent person would start out with that, and I wouldn’t want to know them.

Before you make a decision, I would ask them what makes them think this? That might give you an indication of whether it’s true or not.

It is up to you what you do but you do not owe a complete stranger anything and if you think engaging with this person would have a detrimental affect on you or anyone you care about then don't do it

Blood doesn’t make a family

It's literally what family is.