Just had a message come through on Messenger…

[Jazzicatz]

Just out for the day and checked my phone and I have a message from a stranger basically saying they think we share the same dad! This person is in their 60s, which would mean it was before my parents were together. They want a dna test to see if my father is also father to them. I haven’t replied yet, I am still in shock. What should I do?

Do you only see black and white?

Most people can manage to have a healthy middle ground, thinking you sound slightly paranoid doesn't mean that one is a naive scammers dream

As someone who has been looking for her birth father for a long time I would say you should ask some questions about why they think this and then proceed. If they will pay for the test you haven't got anything to lose really.

I used Ancestry to track mine down. You get to a point where, unless your father is also on the Ancestry website, it becomes a bit of educated guesswork. I 'found' my father's wife on facebook because I had found her name on a marriage certificate.

In fact, I had the wrong person ( my father was in fact his second cousin, same name) but I would only know that for sure via a dna test. I didn't pursue it, or make contact, because I wasn't totally sure.

I found my father by accident in the end. His neice did an Ancestry test and contacted me. My father didn't want to know.

The reason I wanted to know about him was because I was curious about where my looks and character traits come from. I also want to know my medical history ( you can actually find a lot of that via Ancestry looking at causes of death but I would rather ask someone 'does x condition run in your family?')

No, I mean paranoid.

I'm also not sure why you think the only solutions seem to be "block" or "hand over all your personal information" - seems like a very odd way to deal with life.

I would ask the question why do they think you are related. They may have done DNA on ancestry and discovered a close link to someone in your family and then deduced the probable relationship. Or they may be flying a kite. I don't see what they would have to gain by lying you would obviously not be giving them money either way.

If you don't want to give this person access to your DNA you could both do an ancestry test and see what comes back in terms of a match.

Why would you want to meet, when a DNA test can quickly establish if there’s any point?

Do the DNA test and if it comes back that you’re related, then is the time to decide how to proceed. No point getting worked up if there’s not even a biological link.

There was a lady on reddit who used to prove to users how easy it was to doxx them. They'd challenge her and she would pm their name and address (usual stuff) but also be able to provide where their kids went to school, what previous Reddit names they had had, what they had posted on other sites altogether about their sexual kinks. People leave the most insane chem trails of personal data and anecdote. And this was years before people could harness AI tools to streamline all this

What program was this?

@snemroseit was his live show. Very funny and lots of twists and turns.

I am not picturing grubby poor people on the take. I sm picturing s scammer who harvests details and contacts random people to fleece them.

But even before this, Id want to know why they think its me. Same surname is a long way away from enough info.

In that case why would you think facebook would make an increase ? And why did you go from the OP’s they to she?

Why are so many posters convinced it’s a scam? What can the scam possibly be if OP says “ok, let’s agree on a DNA testing facility. If you are prepared to cover the cost of the testing, I will agree to provide a sample.” If they are related then there’s no obligation on OP to share money? Ditto if they aren’t.

The DNA facility my family member used (when contacted about a possible shared father) insisted that they both be there at the same time for the samples to be taken, so they met in the middle in terms of travel.

I think I would wonder where they have got your contact information from. Have you looked into your DNA/ancestry in the past? Did your father? I know we live in a modern age where things can be found out, but even on the tv series where they reunite long lost family they sometimes struggle to track family down!

I would be cautious unless you know how they likely found out your information. There are so many scammers about these days.

This happened to my dh a few years ago. His mother's child though, from before she met dh's dad. We have all met up sine and his older 'half' sister has loved getting to know her siblings. We were even invited to her son's wedding and had a lovely time.

I wouldn't say they are close to their 'new sister' but dh and his siblings have made an effort to stay in reasonable contact

Dh's mother and father had both passed away when the contact was made though . I think if my FIL had been still alive (MIL died first) then things and dh's reaction might have different. We don’t know and never will if FIL ever knew

I’ve sent you a PM.😀

Of course they have the right thats free will but sometimes its just nice to actually help others and realise that other people's feelings matter to.

Personally I'd be over the moon! I'm and only dc and it's lonely!
My df was an extremely handsome man in his day....
Always hope...

Which presumably @Jazzicatz will be advised to ignore and block you as unsolicited messages are scams!

They to she? No idea inadvertently I suppose. Facebook can tell you quite a bit of information and if someone is too lazy to write they might just message and it can be done impulsively like when they’ve had a few. If you actually write there’s a bit more thought behind the whole thing if you message you can just see if they respond I suppose. Younger people may be more inclined to Facebook message. It’s easy access and if they’ve recently moved and not on the electoral register yet it’s worth a punt. Are you concerned about an increase? I think people have be reconnecting on Facebook for a while and I’ve heard of people doing that both ways with adult children and parents and siblings it happens! The majority of estranged children will probably now have DNA test or the Father on the birth certificate due to child maintenance to ascertain who their Father is and it would be fairly simple to track down relatives and other siblings, if you were so inclined. I do agree siblings owe their half other sibling nothing, the Father does and actually if he died before his parents (highly unlikely in this case) you could go after the Grandparents moveable estate in their will in Scotland (also a public record, easily downloaded). If it was inheritance it was be your legal rights and just require to contact the solicitor of the estate and no need for messages on Facebook.

I get similar messages like these all the time. The giveaway is the number they have been sent from. Why? Well, I do not know anyone in Iran, Spain or the Philippines.
Delete and block.

If you havent done a dna test, then how have they worked that out?

I am not concerned about anything....just wondered why you thought FB would increase the incidence of this.

not if its a scam!

Which is why i wrote if its legit it was literally my first sentence

@Jazzicatz There is a 'Genealogy' board on MN so it might be worth starting a new, different thread in that section. There are posters with experience of finding long-lost relatives, Ancestry matches, DNA tests etc who will be better placed to advise you.