Can't sleep. Worried that morbidly obese DS is going to die young

AngelikiEvangelia · 2025-08-06T23:59:26+00:00

He is 20. His 2XL t-shirts that used to swamp him are now too tight. He gets breathless walking even short distances. I feel like I'm watching him deteriorate in front of my eyes but there's nothing I can do. His addiction to junk food is too strong. I keep thinking back to him as a baby, a toddler, a young child and it's breaking my heart. He was so happy, so full of life and energy - and now his life is so small and he's so sad and he just keeps getting bigger and bigger. I can't bear it. I had him quite young and am facing the very real prospect of outliving him if something doesn't change. All I want is for him to be OK.

TaupeMember · 07/08/2025 01:24

Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry. Your worries are totally valid.

He sounds a long way off from being in trouble , just goi g down a very unhealthy route.

I hope someone else is along with more experience and something more helpful.

But we all want the best for our children and your worry is understandable.

Original poster

AngelikiEvangelia · 07/08/2025 01:31

TaupeMember · 07/08/2025 01:24

Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry. Your worries are totally valid.

He sounds a long way off from being in trouble , just goi g down a very unhealthy route.

I hope someone else is along with more experience and something more helpful.

But we all want the best for our children and your worry is understandable.

Thank you ❤️

OP posts:

BadDinner · 07/08/2025 01:35

Forgive me, it's night time, I'm ill and have insomnia and so I might appear unnecessarily blunt.

Would he be a good candidate for a GLP-1 (ozempic etc) trial? Could you get him to speak to his GP about it? It apparently helps eliminate 'food noise' and may help with appetite suppression. Since he appears to be rapidly increasing his risk of things like type 2 diabetes, perhaps he might qualify for a trial.

It is very hard to 'reset' and turn down the cravings for food when the metabolism has wound down. Dieting just signals as panic and starvation mode for the brain and the rebound weight is usually worse.

If he would go to the GP(I understand that may be nigh on impossible for you to get him to do) he might at least get referred to a dietician or therapy or both.

Otherwise I'm afraid as much as it's killing you inside, you'll have to leave him be. It's possible that he might decide on his own to do something about it once he reaches a certain threshold. If he won't listen to you, then until he asks for help there's little you can do.

I can only imagine your worry, I'm so sorry💐

Original poster

AngelikiEvangelia · 07/08/2025 01:48

BadDinner · 07/08/2025 01:35

Forgive me, it's night time, I'm ill and have insomnia and so I might appear unnecessarily blunt.

Would he be a good candidate for a GLP-1 (ozempic etc) trial? Could you get him to speak to his GP about it? It apparently helps eliminate 'food noise' and may help with appetite suppression. Since he appears to be rapidly increasing his risk of things like type 2 diabetes, perhaps he might qualify for a trial.

It is very hard to 'reset' and turn down the cravings for food when the metabolism has wound down. Dieting just signals as panic and starvation mode for the brain and the rebound weight is usually worse.

If he would go to the GP(I understand that may be nigh on impossible for you to get him to do) he might at least get referred to a dietician or therapy or both.

Otherwise I'm afraid as much as it's killing you inside, you'll have to leave him be. It's possible that he might decide on his own to do something about it once he reaches a certain threshold. If he won't listen to you, then until he asks for help there's little you can do.

I can only imagine your worry, I'm so sorry💐

I don't think you were blunt at all - thank you so much for replying ❤️

He did say a doctor had mentioned weight loss medication when he was talking to them about his mental health, but that was a while ago now so it may be that he will need to bring it up directly himself.

I worry that his emotional attachment to food is so strong that they wouldn't work - but hopefully that wouldn't be the case.

OP posts:

Original poster

AngelikiEvangelia · 07/08/2025 02:09

Just heard him get up to go to the kitchen for more food :( I'm usually asleep when that happens.

OP posts:

Meadowfinch · 07/08/2025 02:13

Does he still live with you?

Do you model healthy living - plenty of fruit & veg, no alcohol, few sweet snacks, don't keep that sort of food in the house. Fun exercise?

Switch from white bread/pasta to brown, and choose other high GI foods.

Obviously he can buy his own food out, but encourage & support him at home. All the basics will help.

simsbustinoutmimi · 07/08/2025 02:15

None of your business, sorry. He’s an adult man.

YaNBU to worry but YwBU to insist he does something about it. He has to want to.

if this was a child then obviously you should get involved but it’s not. I am plus size (now in the process of losing) and I had to want to do it, my parents telling me and guilt tripping me would’ve just made me feel worse.

i would be only buying healthy food for yourself and letting him use his own money to buy his own stuff. If he chooses to buy treats that’s on him.

blahblah56 · 07/08/2025 02:16

Can you afford to buy the injections yourself? You could order them tomorrow and have them by Friday/saturday if he was approved.

I know people jump on these posts saying they are an easy way out etc. I’ve lost 7st on them in a year. My life has changed beyond belief. I’m less than a stone away from a healthy bmi for the first time since I went to high school. If money is an issue have a look on the threads on here for all the best tips for getting the pens as cheap as possible.

simsbustinoutmimi · 07/08/2025 02:17

BadDinner · 07/08/2025 01:35

Forgive me, it's night time, I'm ill and have insomnia and so I might appear unnecessarily blunt.

Would he be a good candidate for a GLP-1 (ozempic etc) trial? Could you get him to speak to his GP about it? It apparently helps eliminate 'food noise' and may help with appetite suppression. Since he appears to be rapidly increasing his risk of things like type 2 diabetes, perhaps he might qualify for a trial.

It is very hard to 'reset' and turn down the cravings for food when the metabolism has wound down. Dieting just signals as panic and starvation mode for the brain and the rebound weight is usually worse.

If he would go to the GP(I understand that may be nigh on impossible for you to get him to do) he might at least get referred to a dietician or therapy or both.

Otherwise I'm afraid as much as it's killing you inside, you'll have to leave him be. It's possible that he might decide on his own to do something about it once he reaches a certain threshold. If he won't listen to you, then until he asks for help there's little you can do.

I can only imagine your worry, I'm so sorry💐

You have to have several other health conditions to get it on NHS. Not just risk of type 2. He wouldn’t be entitled unless he does have these other conditions and would have to go private. These jabs help however don’t change his state of mind.

simsbustinoutmimi · 07/08/2025 02:19

Some people also get awful side effects on the injections, I am 19st and was sick everyday and threw up my epilepsy meds and had a seizure. So unfortunately I’ve had to stop two months after I started though I have lost over a stone.

they do work for a lot of people though however he needs mental health therapy or he will just over eat when he comes off them

agajn though it’s his choice if he wants to he’s an adult

cannynotsay · 07/08/2025 02:21

Stop buying junk food in the house, lock the fridges. Help him, be harsh! Pandering to it isn’t gonna help. He needs tough love and someone to put him infront of the right people xx

Original poster

AngelikiEvangelia · 07/08/2025 02:23

Meadowfinch · 07/08/2025 02:13

Does he still live with you?

Do you model healthy living - plenty of fruit & veg, no alcohol, few sweet snacks, don't keep that sort of food in the house. Fun exercise?

Switch from white bread/pasta to brown, and choose other high GI foods.

Obviously he can buy his own food out, but encourage & support him at home. All the basics will help.

Yes, he still lives at home. We eat healthily and cook everything from scratch. Already have wholewheat pasta, bread, etc. So he's getting good nutrition at meal times - but outside of that, he's eating whole tubs of ice cream, massive bags of crisps, etc and drinking multiple bottles of Dr Pepper a day (he buys them himself from the corner shop). It's the binge eating / emotional eating that's the issue.

OP posts:

Original poster

AngelikiEvangelia · 07/08/2025 02:29

simsbustinoutmimi · 07/08/2025 02:15

None of your business, sorry. He’s an adult man.

YaNBU to worry but YwBU to insist he does something about it. He has to want to.

if this was a child then obviously you should get involved but it’s not. I am plus size (now in the process of losing) and I had to want to do it, my parents telling me and guilt tripping me would’ve just made me feel worse.

i would be only buying healthy food for yourself and letting him use his own money to buy his own stuff. If he chooses to buy treats that’s on him.

Edited

I can definitely see this side of it. I have never been an authoritarian parent, and this isn't about telling him what to do.

I'm just devastated for him. He's so young and his quality of life is being massively affected. It's really got to me tonight and I have got consumed by this overwhelming fear that he will get really seriously ill.

OP posts:

BusterGonad · 07/08/2025 02:32

If he brings the junk food home then you need to be firm and ban them from your house. Is he in medication for his mental health? Some of them give you an increased appetite. Could he chat to his doctor and change meds?

Original poster

AngelikiEvangelia · 07/08/2025 02:40

He is on a waiting list for mental health support and is hopefully going to be going back on ADHD meds soon.

OP posts:

Original poster

AngelikiEvangelia · 07/08/2025 02:43

cannynotsay · 07/08/2025 02:21

Stop buying junk food in the house, lock the fridges. Help him, be harsh! Pandering to it isn’t gonna help. He needs tough love and someone to put him infront of the right people xx

I am not buying junk food; he buys it himself. And I don't think I'm pandering by wanting to approach this sensitively. There is definitely a psychological element to all this and the last thing I would ever want to do is shame or guilt trip him.

OP posts:

Original poster

AngelikiEvangelia · 07/08/2025 02:46

simsbustinoutmimi · 07/08/2025 02:19

Some people also get awful side effects on the injections, I am 19st and was sick everyday and threw up my epilepsy meds and had a seizure. So unfortunately I’ve had to stop two months after I started though I have lost over a stone.

they do work for a lot of people though however he needs mental health therapy or he will just over eat when he comes off them

agajn though it’s his choice if he wants to he’s an adult

I'm curious - would you still be saying 'it's his choice, he's an adult' if he was addicted to alcohol / drugs?

Because this is an addiction for him.

OP posts:

Pennyforyourthoughtsplease · 07/08/2025 02:51

He's probably eating out of boredom and depression. What does he think about his weight? Would he like to have a girlfriend one day? Only he can do something about it, so get him thinking about what he wants in life

BusterGonad · 07/08/2025 02:52

AngelikiEvangelia · 07/08/2025 02:40

He is on a waiting list for mental health support and is hopefully going to be going back on ADHD meds soon.

I'm pretty sure the Adhd meds will decrease his appetite. I'd wait and see what happens once he's back on them. He could naturally lose his food addiction and his weight evens out.

Original poster

AngelikiEvangelia · 07/08/2025 02:58

Pennyforyourthoughtsplease · 07/08/2025 02:51

He's probably eating out of boredom and depression. What does he think about his weight? Would he like to have a girlfriend one day? Only he can do something about it, so get him thinking about what he wants in life

He had a girlfriend last year. When she broke up with him (not related to his weight), he fell into a deep depression and ended up leaving his job over it (they worked together).

We have spoken a few times about how he feels about his health etc. He said that junk food is his 'coping tool' and he's scared of stopping because he doesn't know what would replace it.

OP posts:

Enrichetta · 07/08/2025 03:05

How does he get money for the junk food?

Can you find him a therapist while you wait for NHS support - is he likely to engage with therapy?

I think he should also see a nutritionist to find healthy food to replace the junk.

simsbustinoutmimi · 07/08/2025 03:05

AngelikiEvangelia · 07/08/2025 02:46

I'm curious - would you still be saying 'it's his choice, he's an adult' if he was addicted to alcohol / drugs?

Because this is an addiction for him.

Show quote history

Yes I would. I am a recovering addict (opioids) and I had to admit I wanted help before I got it. My mum being upset sadly didn’t make me push forward when I was in the throes of it. I had to want the help. I eventually did and am in recovery now and have been for seven years.

simsbustinoutmimi · 07/08/2025 03:05

Enrichetta · 07/08/2025 03:05

How does he get money for the junk food?

Can you find him a therapist while you wait for NHS support - is he likely to engage with therapy?

I think he should also see a nutritionist to find healthy food to replace the junk.

Edited

He’s 20. Presumably he works or is on UC.

simsbustinoutmimi · 07/08/2025 03:10

OP I would also suggest getting some help for your anxiety yourself. Your son being overweight is not good, but if worrying about it is taking over your life it’s maybe worth reaching out to your GP.

Original poster

AngelikiEvangelia · 07/08/2025 03:15

Enrichetta · 07/08/2025 03:05

How does he get money for the junk food?

Can you find him a therapist while you wait for NHS support - is he likely to engage with therapy?

I think he should also see a nutritionist to find healthy food to replace the junk.

Edited

Previously, he was working (so used his wages) and now he's on UC while he's trying to find work.

I paid for him to have private therapy when he was a teenager, and he's on the waiting list for IAPT now so is definitely open to it.

He eats lots of healthy food (all our meals are made from scratch) but he's addicted to the junk food, so craves that on top. And - at the moment at least - he doesn't want to stop or even cut down.

OP posts: