Can't sleep. Worried that morbidly obese DS is going to die young

[AngelikiEvangelia]

He is 20. His 2XL t-shirts that used to swamp him are now too tight. He gets breathless walking even short distances.

I feel like I'm watching him deteriorate in front of my eyes but there's nothing I can do. His addiction to junk food is too strong.

I keep thinking back to him as a baby, a toddler, a young child and it's breaking my heart. He was so happy, so full of life and energy - and now his life is so small and he's so sad and he just keeps getting bigger and bigger.

I can't bear it. I had him quite young and am facing the very real prospect of outliving him if something doesn't change. All I want is for him to be OK.

Agree MJ for life is financially beyond a lot of people. But have seen no evidence that it's not healthy. Please don't make things up.

@Juststop2025 Mounjaro. I am absolutely serious. Yes, it is a wonder drug for many, don't listen to the shriekers who wish nobody could access it because they've spent their entire lives starving themselves and doing without and are raging that people who need help can get it.

Mounjaro shut down all the food noise. Instantly. They actually don't think about food much anymore, and when they do their appetite is small.

It has definitely been a wonder drug for me. When I've been overweight in the past, I've always managed to lose weight by dieting and exercise.
However, this last time I had an episode of depression, gained 20kgs and I just couldn't get started. Then when the depression lifted, I broke my leg so I couldn't even walk, let alone exercise.
I was sceptical about Mounjaro and the 'food noise' but it was incredible. It didn't completely kill my appetite but it made me want to eat differently.
I always used to joke about how great it would be if they could invent a drug that made me crave salad instead of chocolate and they did! Given the choice between a burger and cake or a salad and fruit, I actually want the healthy stuff all the time now.
I've also stayed on the same low dose without increasing it, and the cravings didn't come back when I stopped.
I don't care about the people who moan that it's cheating and you should lose weight naturally. It was my health and my life and none of their business.. Now I'm back at my ideal weight. No longer breathless or suffering from backache/joint pain.

@AngelikiEvangelia , Mounjaro might work for your son. I was constantly craving junk food and sweets but the cravings stopped. And when I did sometimes eat junk, I'd feel nauseous after a small amount. Also, when I've dieted in the past, I had to keep myself constantly distracted because all I ever thought about was food! But I honestly stopped thinking about food with the injection. Sometimes I had to make myself eat or I'd just forget to.
I also thought about the cost but I figured I was spending the same amount per month on junk food. And getting back to a healthy weight was priceless anyway.
I took it for a few months and came off it in June The food noise/cravings haven't come back-and I haven't regained the weight.

It also started working almost straight away too. So if it's something he'd consider, you could get a 1st month supply for around £100 and see how he gets on. Good luck to you both.

Edit- wrt Mounjaro for life. Yes I have read that some people stay on it and take a maintenance dose. In my case, as I said earlier, I never increased the dose and even after 2 months of not taking it, I haven't started gaining wait or going back to old habits. So I guess it depends on the individual. But also consider how much is often spent on rubbish food or takeaways. It's probably not much less than the medication.

Yep, it shuts down food noise, alcohol noise and other addictions. When someone is at the stage OPs son is at, it is absolutely worth exploring. People don't get it, it is not an appetite suppressant in any previously understood way and yes lots hate it because they see it as a cheat - when actually it is fixing what has been broken.

Thin people HATE hearing that losing weight is not just about calorie in calorie out and get pissy and moany about something they just cannot understand.

But when someone has reached morbid obesity and wants to lock themselves in a cellar because they cannot manage to starve themselves into submission without help, when they feel nauseous, exhausted, brain fog, depression, their inflammatory response is through the roof and their gut biome is screwed it is NOT just about calorie intake or exercise.

It really is life changing and utterly different to anything those who scoff at it understand.

You really do not have to explain yourself for being worried about your son. Some people just don’t know how it feels to ho through these things when it’s not happening themselves, they just can’t help themselves posting unhelpful comments. I’m guessing it makes them feel better by putting others down. It is only Natural to be worried about your sons health what caring mother wouldn’t.!

Correct. There is zero evidence you cannot continue to titrate at small amounts forever.

And the money saved from eating crap has paid for the Mounjaro for my relative, at least in the holding pattern stage - and they weren't actually eating all that much junk by many standards.

Unfortunately, he’s unlikely to get it on the NHS as it’s not just about being obese and risk of things like high blood pressure and diabetes. He’s got to have a BMI of over 40 and have multiple co-morbidities. GP’s can’t actually prescribe it as patients need the full package of support from mental health to nutrition, so have to be referred to specialist clinics. The weight for this on average is going to be at least 2 years.

To turn it on his head, his mental health issues maybe due to his weight! Once he gets support for his weight, his mental health may improve!

Take him to the GP. NHS are now doing Mounjaro which will suppress his appetite. I doubt whether many people will die now through morbid obesity... but it does sound like he could do with therapy as it sounds like he's comfort eating or using food as a substitute.

And I would go with Mounjaro not Ozempic or Wegovy as it is more effective and has two avenues of receptors where as Ozempic and Wegovy are often effective but only affect one avenue of receptors.

And it is WORTH EVERY PENNY even if you have to pay for it yourself.

That's exactly how I was. Binge eating, going through entire packets of biscuits and giant chocolate bars in one go. I wouldn't even be hungry but once I had one piece, I just couldn't stop until I'd finished the lot. Seriously compulsive eating.
But as I've said in my other post, all that just suddenly stopped and I was actually shocked at the fact I didn't even want the crisps/ice cream/chocolate/biscuits etc.anymore.
So if it's emotional, boredom, binge eating, MJ might just do the trick.

Unfortunately once your body has been morbidly obese, it’s not got the same hormonal checks and balances as before. Cravings and blood sugar management are out of sync. You can be perfectly happy and still eat impulsively/compulsively.

Stress and tiredness are my triggers, but the food noise is constant. It takes all my energy on a good day to manage my eating. The littlest hiccup and I fall off the wagon.

I can promise you it will work as it not only reduces food noise it suppresses the appetite. Unfortunately I think you may have to go down the route of paying for it privately. There’s a common misconception that GP’s can’t actually prescribe it, which is not the case. Patients need to be referred to specialist clinics and there is a very tight criteria which is not just about weight BMI generally has to be over 40 with pre existing multiple co morbidities not the risk of developing them. If you go down the private route do your research carefully, don’t rely on FB there are some excellent companies which whilst not cheap offer excellent support!

Unfortunately it’s a chick and egg scenario. At 20 the brain is in peak rewiring mode, it tends to settle down at around 25. A friend had very severe mh, we still don’t think he’s completely out of the woods but 16 - 22 was probably the worst part.

In the case of op, the weight and upf addiction is invariably the symptom, but now is exacerbating the problem.

What does he do all day OP? You say he is on UC and job hunting, how hard is he looking for work? Getting out and having a purpose, volunteering, even just getting out daily for walks might help, could he take this time to retrain in a different profession, what interests him. Try and put the weight aside for a moment and help him fill his days purposefully.

@Anonymous07200408 i haven’t replaced food addiction with another addiction (i don’t even fancy booze or my other previous obsession - Coke Zero - any more)

That's interesting too. Probably irrelevant to the OP but I don't want to drink alcohol anymore either.
I wasn't a big drinker anyway, but I did like lager and cider. Since I started (and stopped) Mounjaro I don't want to drink at all.
So not only am I healthier weight-wise, but I'm alcohol free too. I rarely want fizzy drinks either. So it's a win win all round.

I think you need to look into WLI, while all the other ancillary issues such as talking therapy, exercise, different routine, etc etc will support and are necessary, they wont make the impact that the medication does and will take an inordinate amount of time. Therapy is also not a fix all and rarely changes overeating in the long term.

Obesity is a medical issue that he needs support with now, not in 6 months time at a slow pace. Once the weight starts falling off and he feel s much better physically it will translate to his emotional wellbeing and it becomes cyclical and more and more positive for him as time goes on.

I would really try to see if you can afford 6 months of it.

He has mental health issues leading to a serious eating disorder. What happened in his childhood that required the private therapy?

Pay for private therapy (if you can afford it) so he gets the long term commitment you're unlikely to get on the NHS. He's only 20, he needs your help. He will already feel guilt and shame, which is why he doesn't talk about it with you.

If your GP offers social prescribing it may pay for some gym PT sessions.
There may be something in here for him: https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/self-help/guides-tools-and-activities/five-steps-to-mental-wellbeing/

An obese friend with a traumatic childhood (his dad bullied him) managed to turn things around, but it's taken two years so far, with a private therapist, PT, and a new hobby that makes him feel connected to people. But he's in his 40s - don't leave it that long. He did try to talk to his mum about it but she just skimmed over it and pretends his shit childhood didn't happen.

Would he try hypnotherapy and weight loss injections.?

Correct. Being morbidly obese breaks systems in the body. Mounjaro helps to fix them. It is incredibly difficult for a morbidly obese person to lose weight without addressing the other PHYSICAL issues that this has caused and they can be as happy as a lark and still be UNABLE to simply eat healthily.

Mounjaro does NOT just suppress the appetite, it fixes what has been broken making it possible for the person to eat well with only a little effort, gives them back clarity of thought, releases them from constantly thinking about food (food noise just recedes or even vanishes for most).

My relative immediately felt better, literally overnight, they stopped feeling nauseous, stopped craving sugar, got much more energy because Mounjaro worked on them immediately, they started losing weight within 10 days, but prior to that already felt far better.

The latest episode of Jordan Peterson’s podcast addressed this exact issue with a father asking the same question about his son,

podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/the-jordan-b-peterson-podcast/id1184022695?i=1000720620145

You're not alone, we've have had an amazingily hard few years due to my wonderful son's mental health. He's alive, which I'm so grateful for and yes he's bigger and yes it's an unhealthly but he's here.

It sounds like you have great communication with your son and that he feels safe talking to you. If food is his coping mechanism maybe try CBT therapy to find a suitable replacement. Small goals to encourage achievement and to be kind to him and yourself.

I've learnt to focus on small things, that they are young and it won't also be this bad. I remind my son: how brave, amazing and strong he is to manage his menthal health and to speak about it (which takes amazing courage).

@Juststop2025 Yep, it shuts down food noise, alcohol noise and other addictions. When someone is at the stage OPs son is at, it is absolutely worth exploring. People don't get it, it is not an appetite suppressant in any previously understood way

This! Also wrt that you still have to work at it and change your eating habits. I didn't have to work at anything or make any effort whatsoever.
It was as though my brain just changed. In the past, my appetite might have sometimes been suppressed but I still wanted the chocolate and sugary stuff, and had to force myself to eat vegetables and salads etc. Now I'd have to force myself to eat cake because I simply don't want it.
I don't know how it works on that level but it does feel like a switch flipped in my brain. Time will tell of course if things stay this way. But, I just expected it to be another appetite suppressant, not actually change the way i thought.

The jabs WILL change his state of mind around food. That’s partly how they work.

and for the “he’s an adult; it’s none of your business” brigade, this sort of attitude is why we’re falling apart as a society. One’s role as a parent doesn’t cease when a child turns 18.

@AngelikiEvangelia this line from your replies is the crux of the issue:
He knows he uses junk food as a comfort and is scared to stop because he doesn’t know what he would replace it with.

I would keep the conversations around this topic as he has acknowledged the problem. He knows he’s overweight and the root cause. So he needs to find the alternative comfort / crutch / reason for wanting to stop.

I have previously found Noom really helpful in doing exactly this. Just the free version is enough as it works through why you eat what you eat and you identify the true reason you want to change / lose weight. You’d have to explain to him that Noom is quite ‘wanky American psychpop annoying’ and laugh about that - but if he gets over that and genuinely gives himself to it, it could help.

I did the free one then paid for six months and I lost two stone which I couldn’t shift before. I was only just overweight and now I’m still smack bang middle of BMI five years on.

Yes totally agree, even when our kids turn into adults it doesn’t mean we stop worrying about them. Well for most of us it doesn’t anyway.