Can't sleep. Worried that morbidly obese DS is going to die young

[AngelikiEvangelia]

He is 20. His 2XL t-shirts that used to swamp him are now too tight. He gets breathless walking even short distances.

I feel like I'm watching him deteriorate in front of my eyes but there's nothing I can do. His addiction to junk food is too strong.

I keep thinking back to him as a baby, a toddler, a young child and it's breaking my heart. He was so happy, so full of life and energy - and now his life is so small and he's so sad and he just keeps getting bigger and bigger.

I can't bear it. I had him quite young and am facing the very real prospect of outliving him if something doesn't change. All I want is for him to be OK.

Do you know what the cause of his emotional eating is? I know pp have suggested binge eating as part of ADHD which is very valid. Did this start at a particular time for him?

But arent you worried about now having to be on those jabs for life to keep the weight off and also unknown side effects in the years to cone? Ive lost over 9 stone myself through lifestyle change no medication or operations its hard work it took 3 years and everyday is a struggle now im in my late 40s not to put weight on , this is also a change for life as if i went back to eating the way i once did it would all pile back on no doubt about it

I think you posted in the wrong place. But I get it, I am on UC too although self employed and currently selling off all my stock because the business nose dived after lockdown. My son gets PIP and I get carers allowance. I started a YouTube channel hoping to make some money from that but nothing so far. Could you do something on social media? If you have health issues you could talk about those. Could you get a job working from home? I'm unemployable due to being over 60 and having been self employed for over 20 years. But you shouldn't be.

I don't know for sure but I have some suspicions.

His Dad and I split up when he was a baby and he then spent EOW with his Dad.

His Dad lives off junk food and sees it as a point of pride that he hates anything healthy ('rabbit food'). I found out from DS when he was older that when he stayed there, his Dad and his Dad's girlfriend would sleep in and DS would take himself downstairs and raid the fridge and cupboards until they woke up. From what he said, I don't think they ever had any actual 'meals'.

His relationship with his Dad isn't as close as he would like it to be (because - to put it bluntly - his Dad is unfortunately not a very nice person) and I think he has a lot of sadness that we didn't stay together for his sake. I don't know if the food thing is tied up with his feelings around this - or if just being exposed to loads of these kinds of foods from a really young age set him up for addiction.

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"his Dad and his Dad's girlfriend would sleep in until they woke up" - did they just stay in bed all day? It sounds very neglectful.

Your whole post had a very unhelpful stuff him he is an adult kind of attitude.

Parents come on here to seek reassuring advice and then there are posters like your self who just don’t think or care how they are making others feel with unnecessary garbage.

OP you have had such lovely posters on here who sound like they are really rooting for you and giving you some sound advice.

I really do hope your son can get the help he needs. This must be so heartbreaking for you to watch but as always mumsnet crew have turned up with some lovely caring post.

Such a worry for you. I would get the injections for him. They do honestly work with cravings. Good luck x

From what DS has since told me, I think it was until around midday ish.

I thought I was doing the right thing, facilitating a relationship between them - I thought DS not knowing his Dad at all would be the worse of the two options but these days I'm not so sure.

In the absence of therapy, I think you need to sit down with him and have some serious conversations about his dad and their relationship.

@AngelikiEvangeliaFurther to my previous post about ADHD medication (Elvanse) being transformative for my similar child, I saw your post about CAMHS and that is nonsense and they do annoy me with stuff they say! My son chooses not to take meds at the weekend which is fine, but he takes them religiously during the week and that includes throughout the school holidays. My 56 year old neighbour is on ADHD medication and that will be lifelong. I’m certain that if you can find the right meds for your boy, you’ll be on the path to recovery. Solidarity ❤️

I was that mum

My son was like this back in 2018
26 stone and only 22 years old

I paid for him to have gastric bypass - he lost 10 stone in around 7 months ( apparently men lose it faster than women ) and virtually no lose skin

it was and is life changing for him
He asked me to tell him if he ever put on weight again
so when I noticed that he had put on some weight I did tell him

He kept the weight off till the end of last year when he went from
15 .5 to 17stone. ( change in job lifestyle )

Got the weight loss jab and is back to 15 stone now and maintaining it well by taking a maintenance dose once a month

he’s naturally big build ( think rugby player size ) and tall so can carry excess weight well but he didn’t want to go back to being obese
He accepts that he has to always keep an eye on his weight otherwise he is the sort of person who can easily pile on the weight and because of his build it’s not that noticeable until it is .

wishing you and your son all the best
honestly the WLJ are amazing thing to have available and I would encourage your son to take full advantage of getting them

No not worried in the slightest. If I have to stay on them for life then so be it. I was more worried about my long term outlook when I weighed almost 21st with a bmi of 42 and couldn’t climb the stairs with out gasping for air.
Of course I know I could have in theory lost the weight with life style changes. I’ve been on a diet my whole adult life and feel like an unqualified nutritionist with my knowledge of what foods I should be eating but that did not help with the binge eating and emotional side of things.
These drugs have been around for years for diabetics and I’ve never seen anyone asking a diabetic if they are worried about the long term effects of the drug. It’s only fatties like me who are made to feel we are taking the easy way out by taking some unregulated poison and merrily injecting it into ourselves like a mass bunch of thickos.

But I haven't had side effects. I'm no longer taking it. I'm still alive. As for the cost, £150 per month wasn't a deal breaker for me. I just spent it on Mounjaro instead of other things.

I know your post wasn't a reply to me but I'm not worried either. I'm no longer on it so it isn't a case of jabs for life for me. As for lifestyle changes, losing some weight enabled me to make those changes (let's say MJ just kick-started the weight loss and it became easier once I'd lost a few pounds)
It's not some drug where you can still eat whatever you want and lose weight. You have to eat less anyway. The going back to eating crap and regaining the weight as soon as I stopped the injection just didn't happen. Wrt side effects, I've taken all sorts of potentially damaging pharmaceuticals. Antidepressants, opiate pain killers, you name it) so I'm not going to be too concerned about long term effects of a few months on MJ.
Finally, I don't want every day to be a constant struggle not to put the weight back on. Thanks to MJ it isn't a struggle for me at all. I just don't think about food like I did before. Losing weight helped me start exercising which in turn improved my mood. I realise it's different for everyone but the positives vastly outweigh the negatives for me.

I would like to see the stats on how effective therapy is

We live in an obsesity food environment. We are animals and like any animal we will overeat if given the chance. Very very few people in reality have 'emotional' problems to the degree that it causes obsesity in and of itself. Why dont other countries have the same level of psychological needs which results in overeating

We over eat, because eating food is cheap, easy, accessible, plentiful, portable, encouraged and addictive by its nature.

Therapy is really overrated, the narrative about 'therapy' and counselling is inaccurate a lot of the time. It serves its purpose well in many ways but you cant be theraped out of everything you do.

@blahblah56 @These drugs have been around for years for diabetics and I’ve never seen anyone asking a diabetic if they are worried about the long term effects of the drug. It’s only fatties like me who are made to feel we are taking the easy way out by taking some unregulated poison and merrily injecting it into ourselves like a mass bunch of thickos.

Antidepressants can have terrible side -effects and long term health consequences. They are also supposed to be taken alongside a healthy diet and lifestyle changes. I don't see Mounjaro as any different.
People saying you should lose weight naturally-what about the long term effects etc are usually ok with medication for mental health and don't insist you should cure depression with lifestyle changes alone. Antidepressants don't have to be for life (but sometimes are). Mounjaro doesn't have to be either. Just another tool to use in conjunction with lifestyle changes.

Do you have sources for that? Because it seems to have done something to my brain and the way I think about food. Or not think about it as is the case now.
Why on earth would I need therapy? I simply craved sugary foods all the time and antidepressants had also given me an increased appetite. MJ changed all that.

It's might not be for everyone but if someone is morbidly obese, I'd say they haven't got much to lose.
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As for saying £100 a month is unattainable. It works out at around £4 per day. And if someone is going through huge amounts of crisps, chocolates, tubs of ice cream on a daily basis (as the Op suggests) they can afford MJ .

Keto diet, New You Plan, Shake That Weight, Calorie counting are all things that helped me go from 25 stone to 9 stone. If I can do it, he can. Don't lose hope! Maybe encourage a different path! You might be surprised. Maybe the right thing hasn't come along for him yet and it's just a matter of an introduction.

Yes anti depressants used to make me think I was really really hungry and I put on weight with them. It just makes you overeat more, They do deny this as a side effect, my various GPs denied this but its really common

It's an issue with many ADs unfortunately, though a lot of people just assume you gain the weight but as you said you gain weight because eit increases your appetite (believe me I tried to counter argue that with my GP who stuck with it still boils down to calories in vs calories out though it DOES increase appetite -a point I had to reluctantly agree with once I did cut calories...and lose weight!)

Id definitely look into the ADHD medication. Elvanse (vyvanse in America) is actually in other places not just used to treat ADHD but also off label for binge eating disorder.

I started ADHD medication 18 months ago and have lost almost 5st. Whilst largely in part due to decreased appetite it has massively also curved my impulsive (dopamine seeking) food urges. I just have no interest in binging anymore. And mentally it's massively helped with my mental health too as I'm more able to do things I struggled with so badly before which has in turn helped with my depression/anxiety.

I'm so glad starting ADHD medication has had such a positive impact on you - that's great to hear ❤️ I really hope they're going to let DS back on it.

I would focus on addressing the ADHD - that could make a huge difference.

i struggled massively with binge eating and although i was never technically overweight, my eating habits were horrendous.

Starting ADHD meds helped massively. I also take the lowest dose of Wegovy every 10 days or so. It’s been life changing

I would focus on addressing the ADHD - that could make a huge difference.

i struggled massively with binge eating and although i was never technically overweight, my eating habits were horrendous.

Starting ADHD meds helped massively. I also take the lowest dose of Wegovy every 10 days or so. It’s been life changing