Vegetarian not catered for

[ParrotsAteThemAll]

Invited to a bbq this afternoon, just had the message they haven’t got any vege burgers/meat alternatives. Of course I could buy my own, but why should I? The meat eaters will be having burgers, sausages, chicken whilst, yet again, I’ll be offered a salad and bun.

This happens all the time and for years I just accepted it, as I was the awkward one. I’ve mostly had to cook my own too, usually in the house as the host ‘doesn’t know how to cook a vege burger’! Surely this day it’s easy to grab something vege from any supermarket, big or small. I’m not even fussy what brand!

I’ve bought a nice bottle of wine for the host and a nice dessert to take, tempted not to take it now. Of course I’ll go enjoy the company, probably eat beforehand,

Any other veges find this frustrating, or should we accept we’re the difficult ones and take our own food?

Invite them to a bbq at yours and just have veggie options available 😂

what arseholes. You don’t invite people over, feed everyone else and exclude one. It’s lazy.

unless everyone is bring your own.

we have bbq with our veggie and vegan friends. They cook their own first and then everyone cooks the meat as a free for all!

i have vegan salad so just plain and people choose their own dressing as vegan is actually dairy intolerant so I’m super careful and do vegan prep, then veggie then any meat stuff.

your friends are AH

Pesto isn't always veggie in case you didn't realise. Lots of people don't. Including me who accidentally fed it to my pescetarian child for years

Everyone thinks you want something weird

That's because most vegetarians eat interesting diets. The food you describe probably isn't weird.

My SIL is like you and eats a very boring and adventurous diet. Going out to eat with her is hard work because she is so fussy.

Just wanted to say that it’s not hard to cater for veggies and if you invite someone who you know has dietary requirements why would you not even try to accommodate? For OP to have nothing to eat at all (bread, salad, corn on the cob??) is pretty crap.

Also my DH is veggie because he hates the taste and texture of meat. So he wouldn’t want a meat substitute that tastes like meat/quorn, etc. I do often bring bean burgers or halloumi skewers to a bbq when invited just to be on the safe side!

Im vegetarian and wouldnt expect non meat at a bbq, i would take my own. I also wouldnt want it being cooked with the meat or on the same grill so id take my own ready cooked food and just join in with the socialising

Pesto isn’t vegetarian just fyi - rennet

Sacla do a veggie one

If they invited you then they should be catering for you as well as everyone else there, it’s just rude to deliberately leave you out because they can’t be bothered to do some research.

it’s just rude to deliberately leave you out because they can’t be bothered to do some research.

Which is so easy these days with brilliant vegetarian recipes readily available at the touch of a keyboard.

Having said that, I wouldn't go to a barbecue empty handed if I knew I wasn't ging to be catered for. If I wanted to go to enjoy other people's company I would have brought something I could eat and buy nothing for the host as they wouldn't be hosting me.

A couple of friends in our friendship group recently had a fallout over this. One friend has really gotten into grilling/smoking their own meat and invited us all around for dinner (it was so delicious!)

There is one vegan couple in our group and they weren't invited and were very upset to be left out.
It would have been easy to have invited them and had them bring something to eat themselves or even prepared something separately for them but the option wasn't offered.

Hosts explanation was that one of the people was incredibly preachy about their choice to be vegan and would spoil it for others and he was spending lots of money at a specialist butcher. This is true to be honest, they've often made comments and said how disgusting other people's meals looked/smelled when eating out which can really dampen the mood. They also never host themselves because they say none of us would enjoy vegan food, which isn't true really. I can understand why they were upset at being excluded but can equally understand why they were. It's a difficult one.

I don't really understand why you're sat with no food though when you were told this morning . Surely if you knew there would be nothing available you could have brought something or just cancelled if you knew you weren't being catered for?

You could of brought yourself a veggie burger and a bit of tin foil and just popped it on the BBQ.
I know your saying it's the principle,but you could of had food that way

If I am hosting a meal of any description I would always provide food suitable for the dietary requirements of any of my invitees. To not do so is rude! They could easily
cook your veggie alternatives in the oven to save sourcing a second BBQ!

Husband is veggie and I always offer to bring dishes for him; we get taken up of this offer id say less than 10% of the time. Your friends are being lazy.

Very, very strange to invite someone and not cater for them. I wouldn’t invite someone I didn’t plan to cater for.

What rubbish friends!

At work we always have an end of year barbecue and have to cater for vegetarians, vegans, halal and meat eaters.
We use foil trays on the barbecue to separate and have 3 sets of labelled tongs that we keep separate for meat/halal/veggie.
One year I made the Hairy Dieter's veggie bean burgers which I cooked in the oven and there are always lot of sides available as well.

It really doesn't take that much effort in this day and age to cater for other people.

I regularly go to a residential summer school and there is a special section on the breakfast buffet for vegan food, but they have had to put a little sign up which says "I don't eat your food, please don't eat mine" as the omnivores were tucking in to everything and if the vegans didn't arrive early on they found themselves with nothing they could eat.
At the other meals vegetarian food isn't a problem as they charge the meat-eaters extra so most people just order the veggie option.

I find it odd when BBQs are almost totally meat dishes. We're not vegetarian but I do usually make several things that can be side dishes or main for a non meat eater - usually baked corn, slaw, tabbouleh and halloumi and pepper kebabs (my teens love those).

Oh of course. We may as well just stop existing altogether right? I mean, every time we walk out of our door we might encounter someone eating meat! (Ffs).

I went home early one xmas (was at a family member's house) because I was bloody starving. I'd offered to bring something but they'd said theyd have plenty I could eat.

They didnt and by the time I'd cobbled something together all the non-meat sides and potatoes etc had gone too. AND they were annoyed that I was leaving early.

Bad hosting annoys me.

I'm always mindful that people are different, and to cater for needs

I may not be wealthy or 'posh' or have a fabulous house or anything but it is not difficult to make sure nobody is hungry or uncomfortable.

I hate having to buy veggie shit when I know 90% of the time the veggie person will no show or not be hungry or have stopped being veggie. No one else eats that artificial crap so it's a waste.
But we do provide an exceptional array of superb homemade sides and salads so why is that not good enough?
Also as a coeliac I would never in a million years expect someone to cater to my needs.
As for veggies that need to fuss about cross contamination I don't know anyone that annoying so they would not be invited. The 2 I do know have been bad enough over the years (see the no show, not hungry, stop being veggie above). So I think from now on that's it.
So yes I think you are unreasonable. Salads are already veggie, over processed fake meat crap that is unhealthy and overpriced is an unreasonable demand on a host

Playing Devil's advocate here... The problem with vegetarian meat alternatives is that you usually have to buy a whole packet of whatever it is and if there is only one vegetarian that can get expensive. Plus, if you're offering more than one meat alternative (i.e. burgers and sausages) you might feel mean just getting one vegetarian offering and end up having to get two - even more expense! And then, of course, you have to cook them separately....

I'm actually pretty good at catering for all requirements so I would make sure that there were sufficient non-meat options for everybody, but particularly for the vegetarian of course, including protein options, but I don't think I would, necessarily be buying veggie sausages or burgers. I always struggle when eating at other people's events as I am quite a fussy eater (don't eat chilli, don't like black pepper, dislike mayonnaise, can't eat mustard, can't stand goats cheese etc etc) and frequently end up with not much more than a bread roll, so I am super aware of other people's requirements and try to make sure there's something for everyone.

Nothing to eat at all? No sides, no salads, no desserts?

They told you they didn’t respect you enough to cater for you, but you went anyway and expected them to apologise to you? Why was it awkward? Did you sit sullenly watching everyone eat?

I’m curious about how the initial message went. Presumably it didn’t just say “We won’t have any vegetarian options”, there must have been more than that.

@DilemmaDelilah I have the same issue. Buffets, BBQs etc are always a problem for me. The insistence on everything being “Southern fried” or “tandoori” is a real pain. Even with the sides you think you’re getting a lovely salad or coleslaw but it’s riddled with black pepper. If I had £1 for every time I’ve been told “no it’s not spicy” so I take a bite and it sets my mouth on fire, I’d be rich. Black pepper is a spice. Nobody seems to understand that!

People talk about preachy vegans, but you’re like the carnivorous alternative. Making assumptions about vegetarians not turning up based on your straw poll of approximately two. Calling their food shit based on the premise that you think they want processed fake meat. Referring to them as fussy for being concerned about cross contamination. Your ‘superb homemade sides’ are exactly that - sides. So there’s a main event in the form of meat. And there are sides. You have a two tier system based on whether or not your guests eat meat. Don’t pretend to be a good host if this is your attitude.

I’m not a vegetarian by the way. I just like to treat my guests as if I like having them there. Rather than waving my hand across a bunch of side dishes and telling them that’s their lot.

@BoredZelda thank goodness I'm not alone!

You sound like hard work. As a decent host I would cater for a coeliac (and vegans and vegetarians and people with other dietary requirements).

If we invite people round to eat we don't get no shows so I know who I am catering for. We don't have large gatherings BTW.

I’m not a vegetarian by the way. I just like to treat my guests as if I like having them there. Rather than waving my hand across a bunch of side dishes and telling them that’s their lot.

You and me both @Funnywonder