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Original poster

Vegetarian not catered for

362 replies

ParrotsAteThemAll · 02/08/2025 11:31

Invited to a bbq this afternoon, just had the message they haven’t got any vege burgers/meat alternatives. Of course I could buy my own, but why should I? The meat eaters will be having burgers, sausages, chicken whilst, yet again, I’ll be offered a salad and bun.

This happens all the time and for years I just accepted it, as I was the awkward one. I’ve mostly had to cook my own too, usually in the house as the host ‘doesn’t know how to cook a vege burger’! Surely this day it’s easy to grab something vege from any supermarket, big or small. I’m not even fussy what brand!

I’ve bought a nice bottle of wine for the host and a nice dessert to take, tempted not to take it now. Of course I’ll go enjoy the company, probably eat beforehand,

Any other veges find this frustrating, or should we accept we’re the difficult ones and take our own food?

OP posts:
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8
QuaverQuanta · 02/08/2025 19:08

ParrotsAteThemAll · 02/08/2025 18:49

Well sat here awkwardly as everyone eats, no acknowledgment, no apology, nothing to eat and feeling embarrassed.

if you invite someone who doesn’t eat meat, have something available for them!

No I didn’t bring the desert, I’ll eat it later.

Could easily have been avoided though, couldn't it? You knew at 11:30 this morning there wasn't a vegetarian option. You could easily have brought something from home or picked something up en route.

(And I say that as a vegan who has just been to a BBQ and chucked a couple of burgers in the hosts oven, with the age old joke of "who invites a vegan to a BBQ?!" whilst the meat cooked outside and we all ate together and had a jolly old time)

Your faux embarrassment and discomfort is on you here, I'm afraid.

DrPrunesqualer · 02/08/2025 19:10

Idiot123 · 02/08/2025 18:50

I'm veggie! If I've gone to bbqs (or anywhere else really) that's been planned they've always been able to make me something that's not just salad, or they've done their best to make something (one was an unplanned bbq with neighbours and they did me a huge sweet pepper on the bbq) which was nice as they really didn't need to do it as I don't expect people to just be prepared for a veggie guest 😂
there's some really good veggie stuff suitable for bbqs that my family or friends have tried and really enjoyed. Think it's a bit sad that they won't provide for you, I'm assuming if you had them over you'd provide something that they'd eat!

Re your last line
I think it depends why the person is vegetarian
and I suppose
whether others in the household eat meat so it’s accepted to do so on the property

Walker1178 · 02/08/2025 19:13

I think it’s poor form to invite someone to an event that’s based around food and not cater for them. I could understand if there were extreme allergies involved and risk of cross contamination but honestly it’s easy to grab something veggie or even plant based these days

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RampantIvy · 02/08/2025 19:18

ParrotsAteThemAll · 02/08/2025 18:49

Well sat here awkwardly as everyone eats, no acknowledgment, no apology, nothing to eat and feeling embarrassed.

if you invite someone who doesn’t eat meat, have something available for them!

No I didn’t bring the desert, I’ll eat it later.

I hope you didn't bring the wine as the host hasn't hosted you.
Why didn't you take something you could eat? Is there no bread or salad you can eat?

And why did you go knowing that you wouldn't be catered for? No-one likes a martyr.

Jannergirl · 02/08/2025 19:19

ParrotsAteThemAll · 02/08/2025 18:49

Well sat here awkwardly as everyone eats, no acknowledgment, no apology, nothing to eat and feeling embarrassed.

if you invite someone who doesn’t eat meat, have something available for them!

No I didn’t bring the desert, I’ll eat it later.

Oh that’s very sad, hope you are making your way through your wine!

Slowdownyouredoingfine · 02/08/2025 19:25

YANBU, it’s really not hard to cater for. Grab a box of veggie burgers (I would ask the vegetarian if they preferred quorn/beyond/bean) veggie sausages… cost about a fiver. Don’t take the wine and dessert!!

Jannergirl · 02/08/2025 19:25

HumanRightsAreHumanRights · 02/08/2025 17:01

They like you enough to invite you.

I don't invite or cater to vegetarians/vegans unless they are prepared to serve me a meal including meat/fish/whatever was not vegetarian/vegan in their own home.

Got very tired of special people who want me to cater to them at their home and at mine while never catering to me.

Ah yes - I’m always acutely aware when I go to someone’s home that I don’t always reciprocate if they come to mine - which is why I always offer to bring my own veggie food. If you come to mine for a BBQ you would get meat and veggie options. If you come for dinner that would be veggie but if you stay for breakfast you might get a bacon bap or full English - so choose your occasion carefully 😂

RampantIvy · 02/08/2025 19:32

HumanRightsAreHumanRights · 02/08/2025 17:01

They like you enough to invite you.

I don't invite or cater to vegetarians/vegans unless they are prepared to serve me a meal including meat/fish/whatever was not vegetarian/vegan in their own home.

Got very tired of special people who want me to cater to them at their home and at mine while never catering to me.

That is such a crap and illogical argument.

I have the emotional intelligence to understand why people choose a vegetarian diet and wouldn't expect a vegetarian to cook meat for me.

Most vegetarians would find the idea distasteful, and why would you expect someone who never eats meat to make a decent job of it?

Don't you ever eat anything that isn't meat? Are you a cat?

You are being ridiculous.

DrPrunesqualer · 02/08/2025 19:33

A group of friends half and half veggie holiday together ( long weekend) every year and it’s always veggie meals in the evening.

A decision made by the meat eaters because it’s just easy to cook one thing

Good friends are worth their weight in gold

DrPrunesqualer · 02/08/2025 19:35

RampantIvy · 02/08/2025 19:32

That is such a crap and illogical argument.

I have the emotional intelligence to understand why people choose a vegetarian diet and wouldn't expect a vegetarian to cook meat for me.

Most vegetarians would find the idea distasteful, and why would you expect someone who never eats meat to make a decent job of it?

Don't you ever eat anything that isn't meat? Are you a cat?

You are being ridiculous.

Edited
Show quote history

Thanks @RampantIvy i wrote several replies but deleted.

You wrote an excellent response !

Lazydaze123 · 02/08/2025 19:37

Really poor form from the host, how hard is it to prepare something veggie. Pretty standard to offer a veggie option and really not difficult to do.

Aavalon57 · 02/08/2025 19:39

Go home, get a take away, put your feet up and a nice film. They’re the ones who should be embarrassed, not you. Are they close friends?

QuaverQuanta · 02/08/2025 19:39

RampantIvy · 02/08/2025 19:32

That is such a crap and illogical argument.

I have the emotional intelligence to understand why people choose a vegetarian diet and wouldn't expect a vegetarian to cook meat for me.

Most vegetarians would find the idea distasteful, and why would you expect someone who never eats meat to make a decent job of it?

Don't you ever eat anything that isn't meat? Are you a cat?

You are being ridiculous.

Edited
Show quote history

My omni husband prefers to eat the vegan food I cook because it tastes good. When I cook meat for him, I cremate it just to make sure its cooked through 😆

OhYeahOhYeah · 02/08/2025 19:43

ParrotsAteThemAll · 02/08/2025 11:31

Invited to a bbq this afternoon, just had the message they haven’t got any vege burgers/meat alternatives. Of course I could buy my own, but why should I? The meat eaters will be having burgers, sausages, chicken whilst, yet again, I’ll be offered a salad and bun.

This happens all the time and for years I just accepted it, as I was the awkward one. I’ve mostly had to cook my own too, usually in the house as the host ‘doesn’t know how to cook a vege burger’! Surely this day it’s easy to grab something vege from any supermarket, big or small. I’m not even fussy what brand!

I’ve bought a nice bottle of wine for the host and a nice dessert to take, tempted not to take it now. Of course I’ll go enjoy the company, probably eat beforehand,

Any other veges find this frustrating, or should we accept we’re the difficult ones and take our own food?

Ughhh it’s so tiresome isn’t it.

DH and I have been married approx 17 years. I’ve been vegetarian for all that time. And still, every time we are with his family, they never cater for me in any capacity. I just find it rude at this point.

Understood it for the first little while as it was new, but 17 years? Nah, rude, so I don’t bother joining them, or I don’t bring anything and enjoy watching them squirm when I have ‘no dinner’……..

DrPrunesqualer · 02/08/2025 19:48

OhYeahOhYeah · 02/08/2025 19:43

Ughhh it’s so tiresome isn’t it.

DH and I have been married approx 17 years. I’ve been vegetarian for all that time. And still, every time we are with his family, they never cater for me in any capacity. I just find it rude at this point.

Understood it for the first little while as it was new, but 17 years? Nah, rude, so I don’t bother joining them, or I don’t bring anything and enjoy watching them squirm when I have ‘no dinner’……..

Show quote history

Maybe if you both turned down the invites they’d get the message
Long shot I know but worth a try

OhYeahOhYeah · 02/08/2025 19:49

DrPrunesqualer · 02/08/2025 19:48

Maybe if you both turned down the invites they’d get the message
Long shot I know but worth a try

Show quote history

Ha ha I wish!

susiedaisy1912 · 02/08/2025 20:05

Is there no salads, coleslaw, garlic bread, new potatoes, roasted corn or veggies to eat?

pinkyredrose · 02/08/2025 20:10

Manxexile · 02/08/2025 18:20

But if someone is "strictly" vegan and is worried about cross-contamination from a BBQ used to cook meat, why would they accept an invitation to a BBQ in the first place?

Surely a BBQ is mostly about eating burnt meat, so even accepting an invitation in the first place is being complicit in the consumption of meat.

Show quote history

Huh? Can you really not understand why someone would go to a bbq with family/friends if they didn't eat meat?

RampantIvy · 02/08/2025 20:12

It's depressing that in 2025 that so many people have such narrow minded attitudes towards vegetarians. I'm saying that as an omnivore BTW.

NightDreaming · 02/08/2025 20:33

In my view point there’s two Ways to do BBQs. Either host it & supply lots of the basics and ask people to bring something to “chuck on”. So meat & veggie eaters bring a BBQing contribution. Probably booze too. Or. You host host. Cater for all. And people can bring the host a “gift”, bottle wine etc.

If “host” invited friends for dinner, a non-bbq dinner inside, then catered for all the meat eaters, and not the vegetarians that would be odd. However if “hosts” had a ‘let’s eat at ours but bring & share’ that would be different.

it doesn’t take much to do a couple of simple, nice, meatless items. If they want ease then they can buy veggie bbq food. Does feel a bit shit they will cater for some friends. But not one or two individuals.

having said that if there was an extreme allergy I would talk directly with a friend saying I want them there but I’m worried about causing allergic reaction so could they bring their own food, or completely direct me to save food.

sorry you’ve been neglected and your friends think that it’s ok.

enjoy the cheesecake, yum.

londongirl12 · 02/08/2025 20:35

Well done on not taking the dessert!!
we had someone come round for a bbq once and I didn’t know they were vegetarian. I found out as we were cooking, so I quickly nipped to Sainsbury’s and grabbed some bits for her (wasn’t bbq, but enough for her to eat). I would have felt mortified if she couldn’t eat anything!

Mh67 · 02/08/2025 21:38

I would only buy different food for allergies not choices. It's so expensive to host without buying different food. We always have vegetable soup salad and various breads.

Fireflybaby · 02/08/2025 21:39

I wouldn't buy meat substitutes such as vegetarian burgers or sausages but I do make a few salads like normal lettuce, tomatoes and cucumber. I also make a mixed bean salad. Imake a spinach, pine nuts pomegranates salad . I make dips such as roasted aubergine dip - a bit like babaganoush, hummus, potato salad, etc. And i have a range of breads and breadsticks and cheesy pastry sticks.
There would be plenty for anyone who doesn't eat meat or even for vegans.

SaulHudsonDavidJones · 02/08/2025 21:53

Yes, they are rude not to cater for you. It’s 2025, veggie options should be a mandatory, non-issue. I went to a restaurant the other day for a booked evening of dinner and entertainment and was told there was literally no veggie options, not even a meat-free salad, or a plate of vegetables or carbs. Just meat, or pre prepared sides with meat mixed in. 🤯

Catwench · 02/08/2025 22:49

Im a veggie who likes plain food. It’s a nightmare. Everyone thinks you want something weird and no one knows how to cater for it. I avoid going to things with food if I can and always eat before I go. I’m not interested in people telling me to try this and that as I’ll like it. I probably won’t. If I can take a cheese sandwich I would rather do that. Next week someone’s offered me food and I’ve offered to sort myself out but then I’m still made to feel the awkward one by the “no I’m getting it anyway so can get yours” means it will probably be something I don’t eat and I'm
subtly eating a cheese sandwich out of my handbag or stocking up on crisps! To be honest, I would be happy with the salad bun however the utensils they use will have probably been used on meat anyway as people that aren’t veggie don’t think about it.