What were you not prepared for when you had kids?

[Catsandcannedbeans]

For me I was not prepared for how much they touch you. All the time. Grubby little hands, grubby little feet, grubby little face in my face. I didn’t know I’d be a human climbing frame. Weirdly, when I am away from them I kind of miss it, but when they’re climbing all over me first thing in the morning it does piss me off a bit. They climb on their dad a lot as well, but for some reason I am their climbing frame of choice.

Also I didn’t realise breast feeding was a bit of a piss around. It was for me at least. I assumed because it’s natural it would just be easy and simple, but no. Honestly the whole time I was doing it I was just thinking “this better be as good for them as people make it out to be”.

The incessant boredom. Especially when they were toddlers. Time seemed to go backwards. I’d sit there playing “Dolly Tea Party” with DD - all the while getting told off by her because I’m “doing it wrong” - pretending to sip tea from a ceramic Hello Kitty cup chatting to her creepy little dolls, and what I thought had been an hour was actually about 8 minutes. It was TORTURE

Shes now’s 12 and although she is a female version of Kevin the Teenager, I do not miss those days one bit. At least now when I’m told off for doing something wrong it’s probably justified rather than by the unjustness grossly unreasonable toddler rules

@LadyCankleOfGrantham DD always wants to play teachers and I’m a tutor so it’s pretty tedious. She also has horrible classroom management skills, but I don’t tell her that.

The cessation of freedom
unable to wear a necklace or earrings for years
catching their bugs
the sheer amount of unconditional love that came with them and the fact that another big dollop arrived with dd so there was more than enough for two

The night waking, pointlessly saying mummy mummy mummy when they don't even have anything to say. I didn't realise how many better it would be if I was a morning person, alas I'm a night person.

That is be held hostage by them for the rest of my life! The overwhelming feeling and knowledge that they are literal parts of me out in the world, has left me feeling so vulnerable. If anything happened to them I would never be the same again. They are the only people in the world to whom this applies for me.

How hard it is to keep their nails cut!

It is absolutely insane to think about the fact that I grew them. Whenever I look at them I just think “wow, I grew that”. Glad they faired better than all the house plants I tried to grow. Sometimes when I’m talking with them it gets weird because one of them will say something and I’ll just think “Yhe that’s exactly what I would say or would have said at your age”.

I don’t think I could cope if something happened to them. I would be besides myself if something happened to DH but I’d have a reason to go on because of the kids, but if something happened to them it would be the end of the world as far as I’m concerned.

And how sharp they are!! Declawing them is a pain.

The lack of personal freedom to the point where there wasn't space for my own persondom (single mother). The suffering that came with that and feeling trapped.

That’s sweet she’s mimicking your job though. Just wants to be like you.

The crippling responsibility.

How intense the anxiety about their wellbeing, health and safety can be.

How painful breastfeeding was the first month. After that it was easy and painfree (for future kids also) but I used to wince in pain when my baby latched on. I had a strong let down and a 42 week baby with a strong latch. It just was sharp pain and aches from the inside radiating out. It was worth it of course but I spent those first few weeks dreading/ hating it. I was prepared for cracked nipples (which I didn't have) but not this fiery pain.

The lack of personal space. My nearly 4YO wants to get in the shower every time I have one. Also the tiredness. It seems to never end!

The cost of raising them!!

The lack of decent sleep is a killer
No personal space
The trail of mess that follows them
The constant Qs - why?
Bodily fluids out of both ends when they were tiny 🤮

My teens are with PIL for 4 days - and it's far too quiet and too tidy here. Miss them big time! 😪

The amount of meals I need to think about, buy & prepare. Every. Single. Day.

What I wasn’t prepared for was just how long the commitment was. I had foolishly thought they would be off my hands when they turned 18. But I’ve learned that you never stop worrying about them however old they are. And it gets worse as they get older. When they are young you can help them solve any problems they have. When they are grown up you simply have to stand by helplessly and watch them make mistakes. It can be heartbreaking at times.

How tiring it is - not just physically but emotionally.

With breastfeeding - it went the other way for me, I had read lots of horror stories on here but it was totally smooth sailing for me. Breastfed for several years in the end, literally never felt any pain or had any issues. I realise this is just good luck! (I had awful sleepers if that makes anyone feel better)

The complete lack of headspace.

Also the lack of spontaneity - I knew it would be the case, I just didn't realise I'd find it so hard.

Just to throw a positive one in for the hell of it - how much I'd enjoy some things because HE loves it.

When Baby Shark came on at family gatherings for the kiddy disco, I'd roll my eyes and head to the bar.

Now my son comes and grabs me because MUMMY, THEY'RE PLAYING OUR SONG, THIS IS SUCH A BANGER!

This!

The difference in experience between me and dh.

He is absolutely not a piss taker, and he certainly was/is a very involved father. But so much of it came down to me because that was what was easiest. Cutting back work, etc. Breastfeeding is a time suck. I hadn't appreciated how much. And I wasn't prepared for my own reaction, which wasn't great.

Also the feeling of not having my brain to myself. I found that a bit of a grind.