What were you not prepared for when you had kids?

[Catsandcannedbeans]

For me I was not prepared for how much they touch you. All the time. Grubby little hands, grubby little feet, grubby little face in my face. I didn’t know I’d be a human climbing frame. Weirdly, when I am away from them I kind of miss it, but when they’re climbing all over me first thing in the morning it does piss me off a bit. They climb on their dad a lot as well, but for some reason I am their climbing frame of choice.

Also I didn’t realise breast feeding was a bit of a piss around. It was for me at least. I assumed because it’s natural it would just be easy and simple, but no. Honestly the whole time I was doing it I was just thinking “this better be as good for them as people make it out to be”.

Also, I was shocked parenting wasn’t, and still isn’t, intuitive. I think I felt confident I’d ‘just’ know what to do.

So many parts of child rearing have required me to research / try and get advice but often having to make a decision really not knowing what I was doing. I mean the practical areas, not emotional ones, like trying to wean my first baby, or decide how much extra-curricular support my exam-year teen needed.

The fact I live for them. What did I do before I had them? The anxiety it causes (my little boy hurt his arm and I’ve been beside myself) the utter love….. nobody can compare to how much I love my children. The world isn’t as lovely as I once believed (mumma bear) and just how perfect someone can be. I have a Sen child and possibly another and although it’s hard work I fully couldn’t live without them. I have purpose now and in all honesty if I could relive it all I would. This is from someone who once upon a time didn’t think she’d dream of living the life she lives. Not only am I living it I fully love the life I live. Sorry it’s a sappy response.

The sheer love you feel
The pride that you have with every milestone
The bloody worry that only gets worse the older they get. As pp say, when they are toddlers you know where they are. Maybe coinciding with the menopause when you are feeling generally more anxious.

I'm so sorry to hear you've been through this @TaborlinTheGreat - that sounds terrifying. Birth trauma is exactly what caused this to spiral for me too - my first little one was born very poorly and we nearly lost her. I completely understand what you're saying about the lasting impact.

At ante-natal classes, being told
"We don't talk about labour pains, they're contractions"

Totally unprepared for the most excruciating pains known to woman or man.

How frustrating and heartbreaking it can be if you have a fussy eater (despite a huge varied diet from weaning)! The beige takeover happened with such stealth, timed with starting school, and now even the ‘wrong’ type of cheese is snubbed. Genuinely haven’t felt this powerless before.

Lack of sleep and that some babies just won’t sleep through the night.

That everyone would have an opinion on how you’re doing it and what you actually should be doing.

and not 1 single other person would have the same opinion so even when you needed advice you didn’t actually know who to believe 🤣

Also a twins specific one - everyone went on about how hard it would be in the early days and then they'd keep other amused.

Nobody prepared me for the fact that when they started moving it would always be in opposite directions 😂😂

The lack of headspace
The lack of personal space
The monotony/overwhelm of the constant washing, cleaning, tidying, cooking, organising, arranging
The lack of sleep in the early years
The boredom
The amount of sickness and juggling when you return to work
No one warns you of the pure hell of being ill when your young child is ill and you can't rest and recover

I love my kids. I dislike being a mum, specifically. From the moment you are pregnant, there'll be someone with an opinion on something you're doing (wrong).

I was certainly not prepared to become a victim of domestic abuse. When DC1 was born, I thought I was the luckiest woman in the world- I had a beautiful baby and a DP who l thought loved me. At 9 weeks, I started to discover who he really was.

I also never expected that he would be so uninvolved with the DCs and leave 109% of their upbringing to me. If ever I went out when they were little, he would watch TV with them all day and take them to a restaurant for lunch. If I got home at say 8pm, he would have some ridiculous excuse about why he hadn't put them to bed. Something like he didn't notice the time. He knew the DCs would beg me to them to bed. I had to make sure I never came home before about 10pm so he was forced to put them to bed.

Letting them be sick on me when they couldn't make it from my lap to a bowl on time. I definitely wouldn't do that for anyone else but my kids 🤢

I know this feeling. My 3.5 year old refuses most things, they're 'disgusting' apparently. Except cereal, bananas and peanut butter sandwiches. My eldest is a brilliant eater so I just wasn't expecting it. Hopefully they'll grow out of it 🙄

Just the joy she brings to my life - her laugh, smile, eyes, wild curly hair and lovely smell. I’m not a spiritual or woo woo person but she is like my earth bound angel. The love is just endless and unquantifiable. I was never particularly maternal before I had her and yet I am so glad I did it.

Playgrounds and how boring they are. I had friends who went everyday after school. I found them tedious.

I was never very good with the baby stage Much preferred when they were walking and talking.

I didn't realise I would spend the rest of my life answering questions. I have been answering questions for 22 years now and it doesn't look like it will let up in the slightest. And all the questions, at that. What time is it? What's for lunch? Why are we here? (Way above my pay grade that one.) Where does that road go? Do they sell carveries? What are apples? Can I go to Ballamory? Why can't I go to Ballamory? Where is Ballamory?

That there will always be a part if you can never relax no matter how old they are. Each age seems to come with a new worry.

Sounds so familiar ! DDs need for me to voice/be the character of a farmyard animal or a slyvanian creature coincided with pregnancy and DS being a newborn baby. I was always given very detailed instructions what they could say or do and no off script or ad-libbing allowed. I'd be relieved when DS woke from a nap, or needed a nappy change to release me for a few minutes hours

Cutting vegetables into the tiniest pieces, 18 year old DD is still really fussy and I still have to cut vegetables into microscopic pieces to get her to eat them!

...but I also didn't know I could love anyone that much

😂answer too many correctly!
I think ofsted may be worried about the lack of stretch for the high achievers then (and obviously the safeguarding issues)

The boredom, the drudgery. I was no longer Monday but X’s mum. Like the 40 previous years were wiped out. And the constant low level anxiety which never leaves you (though peaks at times). My kids are 20 and 22 and still there.

Him getting cancer, having complications and hearing words out of Drs mouths that I had only previously heard on Grey's Anatomy such as ''The next 48 hours will be critical'', ''Would you like him to be christened?'' and 'If any family want to see him, call them, now''. You never think it's going to be your child, it's always someone else's child.

He is doing well now but I never knew just how much my heart could feel like it was being ripped out of my body. Or the fear, I thought I had felt parenting fear before when he was briefly lost for 2 minutes or when he had a nasty chest infection as a baby but it was another level. It changed how I viewed the world.

On a similar note, knowing that I'd go back and go through it all again knowing he'd eventually get cancer if I had to because the love and joy is indescribable and any pain is worth it to be his mum.

The negatives-
Loss of freedom
Lack of sleep
Breastfeeding- how is something supposedly natural so difficult
Whinging, whining
Constant noise
pretend play
mess
having to constantly plan, food, clothing, things to do.
It never getting easier, just different, even well into adulthood

positives- for me, absolutely none.

I do find the role play soul destroying. I don’t let my 5 year old wander in the toilet/shower when I’m in there though. You're allowed private time.

I've always locked the door for showers or using the toilet. I'd hate to have anyone wandering in at that time.

Hope you’re okay.