What were you not prepared for when you had kids?

[Catsandcannedbeans]

For me I was not prepared for how much they touch you. All the time. Grubby little hands, grubby little feet, grubby little face in my face. I didn’t know I’d be a human climbing frame. Weirdly, when I am away from them I kind of miss it, but when they’re climbing all over me first thing in the morning it does piss me off a bit. They climb on their dad a lot as well, but for some reason I am their climbing frame of choice.

Also I didn’t realise breast feeding was a bit of a piss around. It was for me at least. I assumed because it’s natural it would just be easy and simple, but no. Honestly the whole time I was doing it I was just thinking “this better be as good for them as people make it out to be”.

Im fine, thank you..they are grown ups now, as I said not easier different..dealing with MH issues for 20 years when you envisaged rebuilding your own life when they grow up sucks. Oh, thought I had the parenting lark cracked, they were achieving, confident kids..then adolescence hit.

I agree once into adulthood there's another level of stress I hadn't even factored in. When they ignore your advice and you have to bite your tongue - told you so😬 argh why didn't he just listen?!🙄😔

Oh yes! OP you could be Ofsted 😂

I was not prepared for how many poxy water bottles I (still!!) have to buy! Smashed, lost, you name it!! It drives me absolutely barmy!

that and the point blank refusal to do any form of homework - then when it’s bed time the refusal to sleep because they ‘want to do their homework!’

As someone getting ready to give birth to their first one in a few weeks, this thread is giving me absolute palpitations (but also some glimpses into hopefully the good bits too!). You’ve all survived so I guess I will, as well!

Eeeek!

Edit: also going to buy plenty of water bottles. We can have a water bottle cupboard. Got it.

It's like there is an invisible umbilical cord. All our children are adult and married. They are no longer our responsibility and we must not interfere (and are very careful not to!). But this love you have for them is still there....it never dies away.

A slightly random one from me - I wasn't prepared for the physical pain of every day life with kids. They don't deliberately hurt me but all the time they hurt me accidentally - sitting down on me at a funny angle, accidentally kicking me, climbing on me etc. I am constantly bruised.

Yes, I bruise very easily and once got pulled aside and asked by a family friend if it was my DH. I appreciated it, and she looked horrified when I explained no it’s just the kids. She’s childfree by choice and I think that really made her glad of her decision.

Definitely the touching. My daughter is 2 and 9 months, she has recently decided she has to be touching me. Always. Stands on my feet in the kitchen sits on me never next to me. It’s both cute and annoying.

I did recently burst into tears because I had JUST got dressed and she had touched something the touched me. I was dirty. So I’m had to get changed ( we were going out). My mum was like it’s fine she didn’t mean to. And I know she didn’t but I’m just never clean any more.

Luckily breastfeeding has come really easy for me and I am really enjoying it. It’s like magic, stops crying, puts to sleep, keeps her calm! I wasn’t going to breastfeed originally but I’m glad I did.

I suppose I agree with the BF bit, a little. I did it for nearly 3 years and it was fine in the end, but oh my gosh.. soo painful in the beginning!
I didn't realise how hard it would be to get the baby to sleep, on his own. Most babies like to be held to sleep! I co-slept for 3 years because he did not want to sleep alone.
The mum guilt. You question all the time whether you are letting them down in some way or another. Or at least I do!

That they would make me reconcile with God.

I'm glad it's not just me in a way!

Tonight I have some back pain because they wanted me bend over their bed and hug me. Which was lovely but uncomfortable. This sort of thing is constant! I have a nasty bruise on my shin from playing football with them (obviously am always goalie)

How absolutely utterly hilarious they are. It almost makes up for the rest.

How much you worry about them. It’s constant.

The anxiety for their well being can be overwhelming at times. DS (22) is ND and still living at home as did not settle at uni (need to change my name!). I'm reasonably confident he will get there in the end but did not expect to spend my retirement (was a very 'elderly' mum) parenting at this level.

the relentlessness - i love lots of being their parent & have enjoyed lots of the stages, but the fact that there's never a break, that's what kills me.

That and other parents who have THE most helpful grandparents and can't see how exhausted they'd be if they didn't have any help.

That no matter what their age I will worry about them.
That no matter what their age I could burst with love for them.

That infant/child sleep doesn't gradually improve, at least in first few years. It's not a linear continuous river, but rather a mountain with many falls and setbacks along the way. This was mind blowing to me. I knew newborn months would be gruelling with a tiny baby waking regularly for feeds and nappy changes, but then my DS was waking only once at night by 7 months, went to sleep easily, resettled quickly. One night, that all changed and he became a wakeful unsettled mess, and so did I. Months later I was forced to conclude this was just his brain and developmental stage, as no amount of anything I did worked. I had really thought I was one of the lucky ones with a baby who slept well. He sleeps through the night now at 3 but the sleep deprivation from 7-14 months was horrific. I found it so difficult to accept that it wasn't my fault for getting the naps wrong or something.

The whinging
That low grade,low sounding whinge that went into my ears and through my skull and never seemed to stop
My mother telling me it was because I was doing it all wrong and was a shitty mother
(Says her-the narc cow loved to rip me apart for everything)
It wasn't my shit parenting,it was a phase they went through and they'd stopped doing it by the time they started school

Touching me all the time
No3 was a high needs baby that almost broke me
He had to be able to see/touch me all the time or he'd scream
Again,this was due to pnd,my shitty parenting and my mother telling me I was doing it all wrong

Having to constantly parent the parent 🥴

Deciding what to eat every night… literally the vein of my life 😂

toddlers being the biggest contradictions known to man 😂

dramatics, especially when they are over tired or stimulated. Non stop drama for absolutely no reason 😂

Oh and the cup and Tupperware graveyard that’s taken over a cupboard in the kitchen 😵‍💫

The ‘grown and flown’ bit. Don’t get me wrong I’m so happy they have found their feet and doing well in their career etc.

but going from 18 odd years of having mini Me’s 24/7 to nothing, I’m stumbling. Pets etc hold us back in the time zone, though I’m determined not to be like my parents who sold up and followed me about.

i just haven’t found my niche yet, chuck in menopause and a bit of depression and I’m at odds with myself and my life moving forward.

100% agree …

tiredness

When they first born to when they start going out.

Mine are 22 & 15 - im still tired. Tiring and emotionally.

Even when they older you worry.

Oh yes and the need for a cupboard for water bottles. Even today the 15 year old wanted to buy another one