What were you not prepared for when you had kids?

[Catsandcannedbeans]

For me I was not prepared for how much they touch you. All the time. Grubby little hands, grubby little feet, grubby little face in my face. I didn’t know I’d be a human climbing frame. Weirdly, when I am away from them I kind of miss it, but when they’re climbing all over me first thing in the morning it does piss me off a bit. They climb on their dad a lot as well, but for some reason I am their climbing frame of choice.

Also I didn’t realise breast feeding was a bit of a piss around. It was for me at least. I assumed because it’s natural it would just be easy and simple, but no. Honestly the whole time I was doing it I was just thinking “this better be as good for them as people make it out to be”.

That you had to feed them before you got your cup of tea in the morning 😂

Yes, my MIL used to call it "constantly being chewed about"

Good description I thought.

The constant background sadness during the early years that I was in the midst of something I would never have again, 1:1 parent child time during those early formative years, and I couldn't seem to really wake up and appreciate it. It was like I missed him and he was right in front of me. It meant so much to me that I couldn't just let it be what it was.

Also that the Yo Gabba Gabba outro would give me such crazy intense nostalgia even though I'd never heard it before. Wild.

How much I dislike repetitious loud noises.

How hard teenage years are especially now with ongoing smartphone battles and 'I want a phone, I want a phone I want a phone" every five minutes. That was yesterday and it is ruining our summer holidays as a result.

Teenage regression and utter stupidity. My ds ran a bath last night in our hotel and (without me knowing) continued to fill it with a shower until it was overflowing. He flooded the bathroom. I thought the grumpy hotel owner would be up and screaming at us. I lost it.

The self obsession, and the loss of your own self as a result. All 5 of them.
"do you want me to tell you about (insert nearly anything here)" me "ok", them "well, (insert another 30 mins or so here about nearly anything here), with some mming and ahhing from me, the occasional comment and some "you are not listening properly" and flouncing by them. And if anyone thinks to do me down YOU try it. I know my their views on nearly every single thing, they know very few of mine.

That after breezing through the newborn, toddler and preteen years, Autism and ADHD would hit my poor DD like a truck during puberty and it would take years of battling with her school to recognize she isn't naughty, she's ND.

The fighting and arguing!! Constant fucking bickering from the moment they open their eyes. Mine are 8 and 11 and I am tearing my hair out!

The anxiety. For the rest of your waking life. I wouldn’t do it again if I’d known that.

And the guilt. Even now they're adults I worry if I was too strict when they were little or not strict enough over their school work. Even though they are wonderful adults who obviously love me - I didn't do enough....

The fact that your brain and your body are not your own. The knackeredness. Just as I’m starting to feel a chance of having a bit of time to myself, the older generation are the constant worry now.

we’ve never had family childcare, and I have never felt I get an off switch.

Breast feeding was so painful. I had done zero research just thought I’d give it a go had planned to combi feed.

In the early days how difficult it was to even have time to get a shower and get dressed. You’ve been busy all day with a fussy baby that doesn’t want to be put down. If uv managed to eat, maybe put on a wash and done some dishes ur doing alright. It doesn’t always stretch to a shower and clothes going on 🙈

How messy kids are. I tidy and clean about 10 times as much as I used to. I had a pretty tidy house before now it’s only tidy when I’ve literally just done it. Quite frustrating.

How difficult it was to just pop in to a shop when u have kids in car seats! Especially when one is a baby and you need to put the pram up etc. Massive pain in the arse. It’s so lovely that they can now open the doors and get themselves out. 5yr old I still help a bit but eldest is 8 and gets herself in and out the car and straps herself in her car seat.

That the baby/toddler years weren’t the hard part. In some ways it’s so much easier but obviously more demanding and less sleep!

How much I could love them, and how much worrying goes with the territory.
and I was definitely not prepared for two hulking teens who could produce more methane than a heard of cattle!

I know this is going to sound totally daft, but I didn't really appreciate how a baby would impact your sleep. I didn't really get that babies would wake up at night and I would have to stay awake with them and either feed them, or soothe them back to sleep. And my baby was a pretty good sleeper for the most part. I really like my sleep, so it's probably a good thing I didn't realize the full extent of this.

That you generally have to put a baby's and child's needs before your own. So even though you've been out all day and you're really tired, you still need to tend to your baby/child's needs before you can flop on the sofa with a cuppa. Same if you're feeling ill. I didn't appreciate how selfless parents are until I'd had my own DD.

I didn't appreciate how much emotional support teenagers need. I thought it was all plain sailing once my DD got to the stage where she could feed herself and dress herself and shower herself etc. I didn't realize how stressful it would be to trying to support her, when she was having issues with friends or at school or at work etc. And how much of a responsibility it is when someone else is depending on you for their emotional wellbeing. That responsibility weighs very heavily on me at times.

But on a lighter note, I didn't anticipate the wonder of the world when seen through a child's eyes. And just how magical Christmases with a child would be.

In all honesty , I thought I’d enjoy it a lot more than I do . I find it relentless with very little happy times

The worry. The balance is very, very finely tipped in favour of the joy they bring versus the constant worry.

I think if people understood that in advance they might not have them.

The hypervigilance is awful and has ruined my nervous system over the last 5 years. There are way more hazards now - more cars, bikes, pedestrians etc. And also in the house - electronics, TVs, batteries, tiny toy parts. My oldest, like me, is hyper mobile and even at 5 she’s fairly clumsy, struggles with even walking in a straight line without tripping over, cups just fall from her hands or get knocked over, she’s like Mr Blobby crashing into things. It may not sound like much but being relentlessly on edge for years waiting to swoop in and avoid an accident really takes a toll on you. Coupled with my toddler (who isn’t hyper mobile and has good core strength etc but is still a toddler), we have multiple incidents a day, constant crying, having to remain patient when something else is broken or damaged. I only have to leave the room for literally 30 seconds before I hear a crash and then screaming and have to run back in, my blood pressure shooting up.

*I was halfway through writing that when I heard crying, DD had a nightmare about a tsunami and I’m now sat on her floor until she drops off again. You never truly relax, ever.

My summer has been the 'Summer of Bickering'. Relentless. All day every day.