What were you not prepared for when you had kids?

[Catsandcannedbeans]

For me I was not prepared for how much they touch you. All the time. Grubby little hands, grubby little feet, grubby little face in my face. I didn’t know I’d be a human climbing frame. Weirdly, when I am away from them I kind of miss it, but when they’re climbing all over me first thing in the morning it does piss me off a bit. They climb on their dad a lot as well, but for some reason I am their climbing frame of choice.

Also I didn’t realise breast feeding was a bit of a piss around. It was for me at least. I assumed because it’s natural it would just be easy and simple, but no. Honestly the whole time I was doing it I was just thinking “this better be as good for them as people make it out to be”.

The housework. The mess.

The laughs are great, though!

Being responsible for someone else staying alive 24/7/52 weeks a year for 18 years. Never a moment off-duty. It just staggered me.

The absolute, pure unadulterated joy.

The cost.

The inflexible childcare options/work place inflexibility (they generally talk the talk with their policies but when it comes to the crunch- do not walk the walk).

The total responsibility i had to undertake whilst their dad continued to live as a person with no obligations! having to constantly ask for help with them/the house ground me down to the point being a single parent was the better option

The amount of time I would spend searching for a missing bit of a toy, the one tiny bit of paper they had 3 days ago, sorting toys into tubs only for it to be re mixed up and hunting for missing shoes despite each having a named storage cube each in the hallway for shoes!!

The massive culture shock of having this huge weight of responsibility and your life suddenly not being your own.

That a baby does not just wake for a quick feed and go straight back to sleep. (Maybe some do, but DD had silent reflux so used to sleep okay until 1am, but then was unable to sleep unless upright on one of us).

The 4-month sleep regression. (DD used to wake every 45 minutes every night for several months before she learnt how to put her dummy back in herself).

That once a baby sleeps through the night once, that isn't their sleep pattern forever.

Even long past babyhood, children still wake up in the night.

(Can you tell I have been scarred by sleep-related issues?!)

The number of sickness bugs DD has had.

That you have to work like you're not a parent and parent like you don't work.

The sheer exhaustion of never being off duty.
Every job has holiday, and weekends (or other days) off, and a finish time at the end of the day. You can always count down the hours or days when work is pissing you off, but parenting came with this endless tunnel without any escape.

The never ending worry and that I wasn't doing a very good job. When my DS was a newborn I was terrified because he relied on me completely.

And how utterly overwhelming it would be sometimes both physically and emotionally because there was only me. I can remember some older women fawning over a single father and how brilliant he was raising his 2 DC with only a really well paid job, both sets of DGPs, Aunts and 2 nannies to help infront of me doing it entirely alone with little money ...

0 personal freedom, and relentless

And the nits, worms and molluscums.
The fascination with cracks in the pavement!

That when they were 17 and texted to say I'm waiting for the night bus in Lewisham and I've got 1% battery, that I'd have yearned for the baby days when they were up at 2am and screaming, because I knew where they were and they were safe.

Losing my health
The constant noise
Autism- sometimes I feel like I'm the only one trying to manage their needs(for lack of a better word).
The constant second guessing
Other people's lack of parenting or being general wastes of oxygen (my ex)
Money evaporates!

We were looking for part of a toy for hours before DD confessed she had shoved it up her nose. It was the first time taking her to A&E and I was so stressed I threw up on the way there. I’ll never forget “mummy don’t be cross with me but”

I had no idea how awful it is to be ill and still have to look after a child. It never even crossed my mind before having DS.

DS is only 9 so I have a long way to go but agree with the overwhelming responsibility and that his problems at 9 are much harder to solve now.

The sheer relentless of it. You go in knowing on an academic level that you'll be very tired, but if you have a bad sleeper (or multiple bad sleepers) and no family to baby sit ever, that can be soul-crushing. I didn't realise, because I didn't even.contemplate it, that can mean you won't sleep for longer than 2 hours at a time for the next 6 years plus of your life. Thats over 2000 nights in a row. Every night, even the ones where you're on your knees from the night before. It can't be prepared for because to try to means you bring to mind other things that have exhausted you and you imagine it compared to that. But the most draining job has breaks or days off, or you can consider quitting. There's never been anything like it for me - that absolute life-changing exhaustion and the requirement to just soldier through it, participate in normal life, and keep these tiny precious things safe and thriving while i was falling apart. It makes me feel horrible just remembering it.

This made me laugh. Imagine giving feedback on her teaching performance after

How much they talk. I could scream some days

I had my son young im not 40 yet but i loved every second of it i was a single mum but just loved it.
I missed out on nothing tbh but gained alot.
Now hes a grown man i dont have responsibility for anyone but me.
I would never want to do it again at my age now id never make it through on night.
Has my child got older i didnt like younger ones and soon realised i dont like responsibility either.
Im now free of it all and got my life back.

• How hard breastfeeding is
• The mental load of having a child in school
• That I hate pretend play and dont really know what to do
• Highlights inadequacies in relationships with your spouse and family
• How cheap plastic crap multiples overnight

Positives

• Im much closer to my lovely in laws who tell me how much better their lives are for having DD and how they feel ten years younger 💓
• I think Im a better person as no-one destroys your ego like a baby who shits all over you mid meal or a toddler who points out facial hair or the fact they watched you do a poo earlier.
• How existing friendships are deepened & how you make new mum friends (I was convinced this wouldn't happen)

The cognitive dissonance of loving my kids so much it hurt whilst also wishing I'd never had kids 🙈

That is one of the worst feelings ever. Feeling so drained but having to keep going. I hate it and we are still going through it and he'll be 7 soon.

Still trying to find that magical off button 😂

I've said this before but I think relentlessness is one of the hardest things to imagine until you're in something relentless.

Also for me it's how long the days would feel. When mine were toddlers I always felt that I'd feel completely fine if we could all go to bed in the afternoon. Was always shattered by the evening.

Next time we might have an Ofstead visit. It’s the throwing her students (teddies) when they don’t answer her times tables questions. Or getting really cross with me if I answer too many correctly.

Before I read the full post I only read the title and immediately thought to myself ‘the amount of people touching me’ 😂

So yeah, that. Just other people in my personal space ALL the time!

I hadn’t realised that motherhood comes with guilt, lots and lots of guilt. 😆😆😆

I always tell pregnant friends to make sure to appreciate being able to just stand up and walk out of the house. For several years leaving the house was a major operation with attendant logistical and supply challenges.