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Original poster

Moved to Aus from the Uk

793 replies

mummaAusUk · 31/07/2025 11:26

Hi,
I'm posting in here as I don't have anyone I can't talk to who won't judge. I moved to Aus from the UK with my partner of 10 years and 2 children. We've been here a year now and I've really struggled since we arrived. I've made friends and really tried but I just feel like this isn't for me and I made a big mistake. I miss my family so much and I miss being able to share my little ones with family.

I've tried explaining this to my partner and told him how unhappy I am but he just keeps telling me how much he loves his job and that I need to give it longer. I've explained that I know I want to go home and no amount of time is going to change that. One of my children also wants to go home and isn't loving life here. My partner as said he resents me for trying to ruin his dreams and that I should head home with the kids and he will visit. That really hit hard and I don't understand how he can say that. We're such a close family. im struggling so much. I feel so alone and upset.

OP posts:
Overpeover · 31/07/2025 11:41

i feel for you. Being honest I would get you and the children back home. You’re never going to settle and if I’m being honest I reckon your dp will never visit. He’s already decided it’s the life for him and he’s happy. Life is short and believe me before you know where you are the kids will be grown up and doing their own thing. Don’t settle, make the decision for you. No doubt you’ll miss him but he’s not thinking of you is he? You’ll be happier at home eventually.

Cormoran · 31/07/2025 11:42

I am sorry you are struggling. It is really hard to be so far away from the people and place you love. This is by far Australia's biggest con. How far it is .
It took a fair amount of time for me to find my happiness in Sydney.
I go back to Europe twice a year, and that really help. Flights are horrendously expensive so this might not be easy for you (one fight is paid by DH's work) /
We also moved by the beach and this also helped.
Is your DP the dad of the kids?

purpledaze24 · 31/07/2025 11:46

Could you come to a compromise with your dp? (Although from what you’ve said it sounds unlikely). Maybe if you suggested another year and if you’re still not happy you all go home? Two years is more than enough time to know for sure if you’re going to be happy there. If he refuses to do that then maybe the best thing is just to bite the bullet and go back home with your kids.

Original poster
mummaAusUk · 31/07/2025 11:47

Thank you for replying. Yes is the dad yes. We're all so close and I don't understand how he can be like this. We do live close to the beach and we have already done a trip home which also confirmed how I felt. The flights are horrendously long and makes you see how far away it actually is. I don't want to break up our family and we always agreed that we would see how we all feel and if so leave but now it's not so simple x

OP posts:
indoorplantqueen · 31/07/2025 11:51

If he’s giving you permission to go then I’d get out now. If he changes his mind it could be very difficult down the line.

Original poster
mummaAusUk · 31/07/2025 11:52

purpledaze24 · 31/07/2025 11:46

Could you come to a compromise with your dp? (Although from what you’ve said it sounds unlikely). Maybe if you suggested another year and if you’re still not happy you all go home? Two years is more than enough time to know for sure if you’re going to be happy there. If he refuses to do that then maybe the best thing is just to bite the bullet and go back home with your kids.

He wants to give it 3 more years until he's qualified fully in his training. Which I'm not willing to do as I don't want to drag it out for the little ones and the uplift them again.

OP posts:
Original poster
mummaAusUk · 31/07/2025 11:53

indoorplantqueen · 31/07/2025 11:51

If he’s giving you permission to go then I’d get out now. If he changes his mind it could be very difficult down the line.

I guess this is a worry. I don't think he would do that but I guess you never know..I. Just feel like the longer I'm here the more ill be stuck here

OP posts:
Guavafish1 · 31/07/2025 11:57

Maybe you can stay in the UK for 6 months… then there for 6 month etc…, until he qualified.

if it still not working after 3 years…. You’ll have to re evaluate your marriage

Original poster
mummaAusUk · 31/07/2025 11:59

Guavafish1 · 31/07/2025 11:57

Maybe you can stay in the UK for 6 months… then there for 6 month etc…, until he qualified.

if it still not working after 3 years…. You’ll have to re evaluate your marriage

I just don't want the kids to be without their dad as I know it would devestate them. I just can't understand how a job is more important than your family

OP posts:
Strengths · 31/07/2025 12:04

I think you're lucky he's willing to let you take the kids and I'd take that opportunity while it's there. DH and I are expats and although there are no issues in our marriage, my biggest fear is that if we ever do split up, I'd really be stuck here without any family support (as I wouldn't want to leave my children). They'd most likely be considered "settled" in Aus now and there's no way you'd be able to move back without his consent.

Is he originally from the UK? I'm surprised he'd let them go so easily to stay in a country where he knows no one. Like you, I can't see how a job is more important than your family. Unless he's bluffing and when it comes to it he wouldn't actually let you go.

Original poster
mummaAusUk · 31/07/2025 12:06

Strengths · 31/07/2025 12:04

I think you're lucky he's willing to let you take the kids and I'd take that opportunity while it's there. DH and I are expats and although there are no issues in our marriage, my biggest fear is that if we ever do split up, I'd really be stuck here without any family support (as I wouldn't want to leave my children). They'd most likely be considered "settled" in Aus now and there's no way you'd be able to move back without his consent.

Is he originally from the UK? I'm surprised he'd let them go so easily to stay in a country where he knows no one. Like you, I can't see how a job is more important than your family. Unless he's bluffing and when it comes to it he wouldn't actually let you go.

We're pretty close usually and it's always just been us. It shocked me that he saw id he wouldn't come. I do think he would let me go in hopes that I regret it and return but my worry is that if I stay here I'll end up trapped somewhere I'm unhappy. I do feel like I need to leave. Yes we're both from the UK and he doesn't have family here either. Although that doesn't bother him like it does me.

OP posts:
NotrialNodeal · 31/07/2025 12:07

I know a couple of people who moved to Australia and were very unhappy initially. Their partners loved it but they didnt settle at all for the first 18 months. They were told by people who had done it before them that the first two years are really hard and most people end up going back because of how unsettled and homesick they felt. Anyway after two years they did feel better and both my friends now have been out there for 10 years + and will never return to the UK!

Original poster
mummaAusUk · 31/07/2025 12:11

NotrialNodeal · 31/07/2025 12:07

I know a couple of people who moved to Australia and were very unhappy initially. Their partners loved it but they didnt settle at all for the first 18 months. They were told by people who had done it before them that the first two years are really hard and most people end up going back because of how unsettled and homesick they felt. Anyway after two years they did feel better and both my friends now have been out there for 10 years + and will never return to the UK!

Hi, AHH I have heard this a few times I just don't know if I can stick it out that long. Mostly for my kids sake as I know how hard the change has been for them and I don't want to change when they've made more connections here. It would be nice to see the future ey.

OP posts:
MissAmbrosia · 31/07/2025 12:12

Speaking as someone who also moved abroad - though not as far as Aus - I think the first couple of years ARE really hard - and then it gets easier. If your relationship is otherwise good, I would try to give it another year and focus more on building a life there than dwelling on what you left behind.

Original poster
mummaAusUk · 31/07/2025 12:15

MissAmbrosia · 31/07/2025 12:12

Speaking as someone who also moved abroad - though not as far as Aus - I think the first couple of years ARE really hard - and then it gets easier. If your relationship is otherwise good, I would try to give it another year and focus more on building a life there than dwelling on what you left behind.

Thanks for replying..I think if it was closer to home it wouldn't be as hard as I could just visit home regularly and family could visit but it's so far away I think once a year would be the maximum we could.

OP posts:
Tourmalines · 31/07/2025 12:19

I think you do need to give it more time . It takes at least 2 years to settle . If the reason you came as a family was for your partners job ,which he is being trained for and will qualify in 3 years , and which he loves and sees as a good future for the family , then I can see why he doesn’t want to leave . I think stick it out . But if you don’t want too, you may have to leave alone .

NotrialNodeal · 31/07/2025 12:19

So would you be more comfortable leaving Australia to be a single mother in the UK? I think sticking it another year for the sake of your kids, not breaking up their family is more reasonable. If it's still unbearable in a year then you can leave knowing you tried 100 percent. But it's up to you at the end of the day.

Original poster
mummaAusUk · 31/07/2025 12:22

NotrialNodeal · 31/07/2025 12:19

So would you be more comfortable leaving Australia to be a single mother in the UK? I think sticking it another year for the sake of your kids, not breaking up their family is more reasonable. If it's still unbearable in a year then you can leave knowing you tried 100 percent. But it's up to you at the end of the day.

That thought really upsets me..I'm don't want to break the family up but we agreed a year and see how we felt and he said we could just leave my worry is if I give it even more time he's then going to say oh we've been here this long now may as well stay and it will be harder for the kids to leave too.

OP posts:
Original poster
mummaAusUk · 31/07/2025 12:24

Tourmalines · 31/07/2025 12:19

I think you do need to give it more time . It takes at least 2 years to settle . If the reason you came as a family was for your partners job ,which he is being trained for and will qualify in 3 years , and which he loves and sees as a good future for the family , then I can see why he doesn’t want to leave . I think stick it out . But if you don’t want too, you may have to leave alone .

His job wasn't the main reason we came here as we wanted to give it a try but we knew it was always a risk and we didn't know how we would feel. I knew after 3 months but he asked to give it more time which I agreed and he said if I still wasn't happy we could leave but now he's saying he wants to stay so I feel like I can't trust agreeing to give it longer as what if we end up stuck here

OP posts:
NotrialNodeal · 31/07/2025 12:25

One child is unhappy and you are unhappy. I couldn't risk breaking up my family if there was a good chance in a years time everyone will be happy. I just couldn't but its your life your family only you can decide. I'm simply giving you my perspective and telling you what I would do. Doesn't seem impossible you could all be happy given people who have done it before you have expressed feeling unsettled initially but after two years feeling settled and happy.

robinibor · 31/07/2025 12:25

I would stay longer. The initial move gives you a high, the comedown from that and the reality of day to day life in a place without friends and family is a huge low and totally normal. You will gradually start to see your mood improve over the next few months and climb to a stable normal and will start to feel much better.

The UK is a mess atm I would stay.

NotrialNodeal · 31/07/2025 12:26

You won't necessarily be stuck after two years though if he's still happy and wants to stay and you don't then you return knowing you gave it your all.

StrawberryCranberry · 31/07/2025 12:26

My friend moved to Australia years ago. She misses her family and tells me she would like to move back, but she has two sons now and wouldn't want to uproot them. You do get sort of stuck.

HavfrueDenizKisi · 31/07/2025 12:28

I really don’t think you’ve given it long enough to be honest.

We moved there as kids and I know my mum said it took two full years for her to start liking it. She was miserable for the first 18 months.

I don’t think a year really cuts it. I’m sorry. You’ve heard this before because it’s the truth.

If you return with the kids it will be the end of your marriage I think.

(As an aside we came back to the UK after 6 years for a whole host of other reasons and not because we hadn’t settled).

AutisticAndMore · 31/07/2025 12:30

robinibor · 31/07/2025 12:25

I would stay longer. The initial move gives you a high, the comedown from that and the reality of day to day life in a place without friends and family is a huge low and totally normal. You will gradually start to see your mood improve over the next few months and climb to a stable normal and will start to feel much better.

The UK is a mess atm I would stay.

Friends in Australia complain of the exact same things thad people in the UK complain about. It isn’t Utopia.

If it’s that important to you to return then honestly I’d go now while you can. I have a friend who is trapped there. Her husband said they’d give it a year then return then refused to let her do so. She’s been there ten years now and still hates it but she’s trapped because of the kids. Giving it more time doesn’t help everyone.