AIBU to wonder why people get so put off by negative people?

[BeGreenBear]

I’ve noticed something about myself recently and it’s making me a bit down. I tend to moan about my life — not in a huge dramatic way, but just commenting when I’m stressed, complaining about not having enough money, being tired, work being rubbish, etc. It’s not constant, but it does happen often.
Thing is, I’ve noticed people seem to avoid me when I’m in one of those moods. Friends don’t message as much, family change the subject, and I get the feeling I’m a bit of a “downer”. I don’t mean to be! I just feel like being honest about how I’m feeling.
Why is it that people are so put off by negativity? Surely if we can’t talk about our problems with friends/family, then what’s the point? Or is it that they just don’t want to be dragged down?
AIBU to think people should be able to handle a bit of moaning, or do I need to rein it in?

Yep this. A family member is one of these people she also criticises, judges and blames people who have provided her with a tonne of help in the past. She ignores people’s limits and their boundaries because to her only her needs matter. It is absolutely exhausting.

I know someone who’s always negative. She is draining. I only see her when I can mentally prepare myself for hours of complaints and moans. She moans about everything. Her job, her kids, her partner, her house, her pets, her boss, her colleagues. I can’t listen to it for long. If I change the subject she will somehow bring it back to one of the above topics and start moaning all over again. She doesn’t make changes to ease any of her complaints.

Everyone has problems and everyone has some complaints but some people take it quite far and are very negative.

If people are backing off you need to rein it in. Maybe look into some therapy so you can work on these issues op and look to make changes in your life so you’re not always negative.

Kindly, OP, possibly this?

Also, are you taking responsibility for what you can change, do, about the things you’re moaning about? If it’s the broken record thing, yeah, it is draining, and pushes people away.

I’d suggest some therapy. You’ve already noticed and made the reflection, so you have some self awareness, that’s a good start.

Now, what are you going to do about it? Or does it just become another topic to moan about? 😉

Nicely said. Yes, it can also slip into being self absorbed too.

I had a peer who was brilliant, smarter than me for sure, but everyone called him Eeyore, because he was so negative. Always showing he was smart enough to spot the flaws and problems in things. 10 years on and he's unemployable because of his rep as being negative on everything. I'm hopelessly (but genuinely) optimistic and feel justified in it because I feel like my positive outlook has made me someone everyone wants to hire, even in a tough market like today. Negative/positive - it's not like one is right and one wrong, the world has plenty of good and bad, but I think your attitude becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Buck up and you might see things get to the point where you have less to moan about.

Rule of being British; you are allowed to moan, but only if you are funny about it.

If you are aware that you can be negative, and that others are pulling away, it does sound as though this could be a problem. Something you could try to change this is to keep a gratitude journal. Each day try to think of three things that you are grateful for. Over time this can build a habit of looking for the positives in life, and when you are looking for topics of conversation with others then these positive items will be in the forefront of your mind. Hopefully other people's attitude towards you will start to change when they are not met with negativity all the time.

I don't like being around negative people because life is hard enough and I don't need them dragging me down all the time. It's fine if someone has a problem I'm happy to help and discuss it, but the perpetually negative people do not add to my life, they drain my energy and I choose (where possible) not to spend time with them. I don't dump my problems and moods on everyone else because I know it can have a negative impact on their life and I prefer to surround myself with people who have the same respect for me. Some people don't mind the negativity, some do, it depends how it impacts the person.

It’s contagious. I’m a worrier and I think I did used to be more negative although always wanted to be a positive person. I think I am a lot better now and I try to put a positive spin on things when I can and I can’t stand being around people who whinge or moan all the time. You’re allowed to have problems but if you’re constantly moaning and complaining then you’re going to bring other people down, and that’s selfish. I know it can be a hard thing to stop but try and practise thinking more positively or even talking more positively, if it’s hard convincing your mind. Positivity is very contagious as well and you, and the people around you, will feel much better if you focus on the good things rather than the bad.

Sorry if I have missed all the replies, but do you ever ask how how those other people are / consider what worries & stresses they may have themselves? Maybe make it more of a discussion / a 'both way talk' (actual conversation) instead of just making it about your own 'moans'? (Meant with kindness, as we all sometimes need a good moan sometimes, but surely not all the time). This could be a reverse from a friend of mine - yes, she has various issues, and I truly sympathise with her, but whenever I may interject with a 'yes, I know what you mean (as I often do) .....' - it gets ignored & brushed off with an 'all about her' continuing 'moan'. (Then I tune out & start hearing more interesting 'white noise' - or I make excuses & leave). Can you concentrate on talking about the good things in your life, even small things, and see whether there is a different response?

I am really completely drained today, having taken care of disabled DD this week as she is having a bad episode. Not physically so much as emotionally.

But am meeting a friend for a long walk and am determined to not speak of how tired and depressed I am. Going to talk about the lovely scenery.

Have a moan and move on.
No need to keep bringing up the same shit again and again.
I've advised and supported friends and unless changes are made to situations it is what it is so make good from a bad situation.
I don't think I could last too long with someone who constantly moaned.
Some people just like to moan.

I think you and your mother are probably best giving each other a very wide berth.

It sounds like you are in a very dark place and have been for many years, and your mother exacerbates that. Your life sounds depressing enough without your mother adding fuel to the fire 💐