A bit uncomfortable about what ds has learnt in his ‘boys club’ lesson

[jacksmannequin]

We had a letter home a few weeks ago about these lessons that were starting about puberty and hormones, they are calling it boys and girls club, how it wasn’t sex education and parents can opt out. I didn’t opt ds10 out because I believe he should learn about development. But I’m not happy he’s been told about masturbating, he’s only 10, autistic (in a special school) and I just think he’s not mature enough to hear about that yet. He came home saying “his soul left his body” 😆 the teacher was talking about how boys can stroke their penis and make it hard and get pleasure from it. I thought wtf !
AIBU? I just think it seems a bit much for year 5!

🫣🫣🫣 Definitely definitely too much for Y5!

I’m glad it’s not just me who thinks this !
If I’d have known this is what they were going to discuss I would’ve actually opted out.

I think that's entirely appropriate for a 10 year old. At what age do you think children should learn about masturbation? 11? 12? They will already be experiencing erections at that stage.

My relatives abroad were telling me that there 10 year olds were being taught about the dangers of pornography - but told not to look at it! All the kids have mobile phones so of course the first thing they all did after that....
I'd ask your son if he wants to continue with 'Boys club' and if not tell the school you want to pull him out.

What do you feel is inappropriate about it?

Children at that age will already be going through puberty and getting erections etc.

Sounds fine to me.

He needs to know about what's happening to his body and that its normal.

I think 10 is the correct age to be taught about this.

Better he learns about it factually and correctly from school than hears distorted versions in the playground from other kids.

I pity the teacher though!!

Of course it’s appropriate he will already be getting some sort of feelings in his genitals. What he is autistic or not. He need to know what is appropriate behaviour in public and not and what the feelings are.

are you awkward about bodily functions? It would be best to have more conversations with him about and start ready a puberty book together with him.

My kids (boy and girl) learned this in year 5 and I think it’s fine.
Considering the high percentage of kids who have seen porn in primary school (never mind heard other kids throw around words like wank), it’s a reasonably age to discuss this.
My kids were all horrified about wet dreams though.

At what age do you think it is appropriate, OP?

I work in a special school.

we very much need to work on teaching them what mastabation is.

For us it’s mainly (trying 🫣) to teach them it’s something boys do but it’s something you do in private.

Depending on the level of cognitive and academic ability of the pupils (outs have severe learning difficulties) will depend on how it’s approached.

But we have a major problem with boys figuring out for themselves what to do but having no idea that the playground, classroom or even Tescos is not the place!

better to be horrified by hearing about this phenomenon than to have it happen and not understand what was going on.

As long as they are making it clear that's it's something you do in PRIVATE and on your own then this is the perfect age.
Especially in a SEN school where the children are likely to not be so discreet about things.

Based on what you have said, the information that he was given was age-appropriate.

Are you absolutely sure that the school told you in writing that it would not be sex education? That was poor of them if so. It's statutory sex and relationships content.

Personally, I think late Y6 would be more appropriate, but I guess we’re in the minority OP.

I think it all depends on the child though, some might be ready for it, some might not. Schools have to do what’s right by the majority.

‘Yes, I know when you pull your willy it feels nice, but it isn’t appropriate while I am teaching you in carpet time because it involves your private parts’ is a typical (quiet 1:1) conversation with a Y1 child, so I would say this is very much appropriate for Year 5!

I wish I kept the letter ! But yes it definitely said NOT sex education, and in capitals like I wrote.
I don’t know what age is appropriate, I know he needs to learn about these things but I thought maybe year 6-7 would be more the right age.
Do you think the girls were also told about touching themselves or just told about periods etc ?
I still think it’s too young. Okay yes explain erections but don’t put it in their head to have a wank at 9-10!

My children all learned about this at a similar age. I was quite happy for them to know- it's the truth about what's happening to their body,and at 10, they will quite possibly be experiencing it. Its better that they know, then find out accidentally and be freaked out by it, or to hear from peers in a not so safe way.

Definitely this!
By age 11 it's estimated that over 1 in 4 kids will have seen pornography. In a class of thirty you're looking at 9 kids or so

We'd like to think we can wait but the reality is that by the time kids hit secondary for a massive amount of them they will have seen porn, started puberty properly and will already be experiencing the things we want to teach them about

Mortifying to admit but I remember masterbating around that age and when I spoke to friends about it when we were older I realised that it was quite common. The theme in my friendship group tended to be if you shared a room with your sibling you didn’t do it, if you had your own room, so privacy to explore, then it was more likely that we experimented. And honestly if they’re doing it then there will be a level of not knowing that it’s normal so it’s so important they get told that it is. Don’t think it’s inappropriate at all, I think as adults it’s easy to assume that that age they’re still innocent but in reality they will be whispering on the playground and sharing misinformation

They will already be "having a wank" as you so delightfully put it.

Year 7 would be way, way too late.

It's no use if it's too late and some boys will be going though puberty at 10. I'm really glad to see that boys are included in sex education now. When my DC did it (Y5 or 6) it was all just about girls. DS came home knowing all about how puberty affects girls, periods etc but nothing about the very big changes that happen to boys.

I think it is the right age, nowadays, especially (& sadly) with the ubiquity of internet porn. It is best to get the first conversation(s) over with so he & his peers are aware of their bodies, how they work physically & the feelings they can create, accidentally or deliberately.
At least they have all heard the same information- the only thing I’d add (speaking as a parent, with 4 quite strongly SEN boys in my wider family) is that there’s a need for privacy & appropriate behaviour - how & when you say this is obviously your call, at least the context is there now.

(and am I wrong to snigger at one proposal to “pull him out”?)

So do you see telling children the facts of sex as being wrong because it’s ‘inviting them to do it’?

In all SRE, the emphasis is on equipping children with factual, unbiased information from a trusted source, usually before it becomes ‘practically relevant’. And the point when such things become ‘practically relevant’ is much younger than more protective parents would hope. Teaching girls about periods had to move earlier in my school a few years ago, because so many were undergoing puberty earlier. Equally, the ubiquity of phones and accessibility of online porn means that difficult decisions about how young children should become aware of some things have to be made.