A bit uncomfortable about what ds has learnt in his ‘boys club’ lesson

[jacksmannequin]

We had a letter home a few weeks ago about these lessons that were starting about puberty and hormones, they are calling it boys and girls club, how it wasn’t sex education and parents can opt out. I didn’t opt ds10 out because I believe he should learn about development. But I’m not happy he’s been told about masturbating, he’s only 10, autistic (in a special school) and I just think he’s not mature enough to hear about that yet. He came home saying “his soul left his body” 😆 the teacher was talking about how boys can stroke their penis and make it hard and get pleasure from it. I thought wtf !
AIBU? I just think it seems a bit much for year 5!

They need to hear about it before it happens, not after.

Girls get similar about masturbation.

It's exactly the right age to be told factually and kindly in a supportive environment by educational professionals. Absolutely.

Well I guess I’m in the minority, which is fine, maybe I’m delusional and my son is speech doing it as a pp suggested, he isn’t because he’s always with us, or asleep. I just think he’s too young to hear about it.

As I said though if this was mentioned I’d have opted out!

And then how would he have learned about it? How would you know (because it would then be your responsibility) exactly when was the time he needed the factual information?

Oh bless him. 'His soul left his body' is exactly how my DS would put it something like that. I don't know if it's true of all those on the spectrum but my DS is much much younger than his age and anything sexual (eg. Different body parts) went over his head whereas DS2 was fascinated from quite young. Some kid showed DS1 pornography in Y7 (P. E changing room 🙄) and he was so so disturbed he came home and told me about it whereas I'm sure DS2 probably knew all about this stuff in Y5.

Some of you have very distorted ages for boys hitting puberty and masturbating. Remember that boys hit it 1-2 years later than girls on average, so female memories of ages don't exactly correlate.

Some boys will be early, but most boys will not have hit puberty at 10.

And when boys do hit puberty, they don't start masturbating straight away.

So yes it is important.. is 10 years old the right age? Yes if you want to catch almost all boys before they start.. no if you were basing it on the average boy. You decide whether early or average is the better marker.

I think it’s totally age appropriate. I used to teach year 5

Then IMO you would be doing your son a huge disservice. Why does he already think of masturbation as something shameful? Surely kids who don’t learn this stuff from trusted professions are at massive risk of encountering stuff they don’t understand, either by exploring the internet by themselves or being shown by peers in the playground?

Given some (but not all) DC with additional needs discover masturbation earlier than their peers due to sensory seeking my DD also had this lesson at aged 10

Surely if a boy is getting erections their reaction would be to...ehem....fiddle with it.
Not because the "want to have a wank" but because it's there ?
(not a boy mum so I dunno....)

I think - in my experience- all small boys fiddle with their penises from a very early age. While ‘full masturbation ending in orgasm’ is puberty related, the fact that touching / stroking the penis is pleasurable, it’s called masturbation, and is private, seems entirely age-appropriate knowledge for pre-pubertal boys.

I know that you’re always with your son OP but it won’t be the same for everyone. If somebody learned that it should be done in private and realised that it’s not normal to witness it, it could help protect a child.

Before sex ed previous generations managed to figure it out by themselves. I frequently hear Boomers described as wankers.........

I think it is completely age appropriate as the Mother of two boys. I was in the classroom when Coraline rated PG was played for year 5 and this scene had some boys blushing bright red and adjusting themselves. I was shocked at this scene but PG it is rated, fast forward to 1.30 into the clip if it doesn't start at that

This is the thing though. You need to catch kids at the right age, preferably before it happens to them, its too late if its already happening.

You are also doing it against the range of the average class vs each specific pupil

Take periods for example. The average age hits around 12 for example. For me that would have been many years before I started however statically 15% of the class will start before 11. It seems crazy at before 9, but you'd be more likely to catch it when only 2 in a year group have started, if you wanted to catch it when nobody had you'd be looking at more age 7.

There has to be a weigh up of do you do it when it's statistically unlikely any of the kids will be exposed, 10%, 20%, 30%? It's a constant weight up of what's too early, or what leaves a significant number of kids unprepared for something they will be experiencing already

Bare in mind for example (using my earlier example of porn).

If you wait for 11, you can guess that the education will come after theyve experienced for over 25% of the pupils and left them unprepared. However it rarely happens education wise before nine, even thought 10% are already exposed by that age

Maybe you’re just naive. I was 6 the first time a boy at school offered to show me there’s if I showed them mine. I was in year 2 so about 7 when the boy that lived a few doors down told me that he had seen his mum and dad having sex and that when people have sex blood comes out of the penis and the nipples. We drew a picture of men and women’s body’s and I drew blood coming out of their genitals and nipples. My mum found it, sent him home and was really disturbed by my lovely drawing lol. Think it’s really important for kids to get age appropriate information to stop misinformation and dangerous behaviours

He is autistic. He is literally a few years behind his peers, he always has been. I don’t think he thinks it’s shameful. I think he was absolutely mortified and that’s his way of telling us that

Who is going to be more vulnerable if approached by some deviant trying to take advantage. A child confident in their body and knowledge and secure enough to talk to their parent/teacher about these things or a child who has been sheltered from it and suddenly ends up in a situation where they are told to keep it secret or their parents will think they are disgusting?

Its as much about safety as it is about adolescent growth.

But say you’re right, say you know for sure that he’s not getting funny feelings, what harm is it that he now knows that some boys might be and that might be something that he might start experiencing

I have two boys, one of whom is autistic . Ten seems fine.

There isn’t any harm I suppose, I think what it probably boils down to is my little boy not being innocent anymore !!

Of course it’s appropriate for his age. He will likely already know it’s happening. Have you spoke to him about this? Have you explained to him what wet dreams are and that he might be experiencing them, or will do soon?

It’s all completely natural. Your little boy is growing up, autistic or not! Disabled people experience just as much pleasure and just as much urge as others. I’m happy to hear the SEN school are teaching accordingly.

This is very hard (excuse the wording) to deal with of course! I have two boys myself. One who tells me everything, one who is very private about these things. Neither are as innocent any more as I would like! But I’m very happy they have progressive education on these things and it’s factual based and there’s no moral judgement.

But it’s always going to be funny/weird watching them hide their laugh at jokes I think they shouldn’t understand!!

It’s okay that he’s mortified though. His body isn’t a few years behind his peers and he will be experiencing things he needs to understand. Even if it’s awkward. Any sex talk always is, it doesn’t mean it’s wrong to have it.