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Original poster

A bit uncomfortable about what ds has learnt in his ‘boys club’ lesson

269 replies

jacksmannequin · 17/07/2025 15:12

We had a letter home a few weeks ago about these lessons that were starting about puberty and hormones, they are calling it boys and girls club, how it wasn’t sex education and parents can opt out. I didn’t opt ds10 out because I believe he should learn about development. But I’m not happy he’s been told about masturbating, he’s only 10, autistic (in a special school) and I just think he’s not mature enough to hear about that yet. He came home saying “his soul left his body” 😆 the teacher was talking about how boys can stroke their penis and make it hard and get pleasure from it. I thought wtf !
AIBU? I just think it seems a bit much for year 5!

OP posts:
Dontlletmedownbruce · 19/07/2025 20:05

Needmorelego · 19/07/2025 19:13

@Dontlletmedownbruce I seriously doubt they were given instructions.

I certainly hope not!!

YankSplaining · 19/07/2025 21:32

BumblingBanana · 19/07/2025 08:54

Should add, my sex ed in the 1990s was when I was 11-12, we did periods and everyone remembers the condom and a banana.

Now, I had already started my period aged 11. Which IS quite young, and this young trend has continued. You have to remember there was a huge context of teen pregnancy in UK having quite a high rate at that time too (not sure what that is now). I didn't even know what my period was, I had it for 3 days until I eventually thought I must be dying, pulled down my knickers and showed my mum. When she said (lol), you are a woman now, I said 'but mum, I'm only 11!!'. I then cried for a whole day when I found out it would happen every month. Some prior warning would have been great. And would say the sex ed drummed fear into me about sex i.e. don't get pregnant.

Overall I don't think a child is irrevocably harmed by hearing about this stuff in a school environment, as PPs do you want them to go online for it? I also think it's naturally really ick to hear a teacher talk about it.

I don’t think 11 really is “quite young,” even - it’s just slightly younger than average. I got my period at 11 back in the late ‘90s and even then that wasn’t regarded as being notably young for it.

I’m so sorry to hear you had such a rough experience! My grandmother had the same thing, where she thought she must be dying, but that was in the 1930s. 😕

llizzie · 19/07/2025 22:49

Needmorelego · 19/07/2025 18:53

@llizzie erm....ok.
That has nothing to do with your strange posts about fingernails etc.

Before I was disabled, I nursed, and something which a poster said about female masturbation triggered a memory.

I am not one to discuss cases to a voyeur.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

10 year olds Families General education Primary education
Needmorelego · 19/07/2025 23:05

@llizzie I'm not interested in weird cryptic posts so no need for any discussion.
Thanks 😁

Original poster
jacksmannequin · 20/07/2025 06:54

No I won’t be taking it further with the school, yes ds was mortified but that’s the way he is in general, it hasn’t harmed him, I did ask if he wanted to sit out of the next boys club and he said “nah it’s alright” so I don’t think he’s that bothered and actually quite interested ! Which is a good thing. For a while now he’s been saying he thinks his voice is breaking lol

OP posts:
Shenmen · 20/07/2025 06:57

Bea372 · 17/07/2025 15:42

My relatives abroad were telling me that there 10 year olds were being taught about the dangers of pornography - but told not to look at it! All the kids have mobile phones so of course the first thing they all did after that....
I'd ask your son if he wants to continue with 'Boys club' and if not tell the school you want to pull him out.

Surely they should have this blocked on their phones. If not that is shit parenting. Also half of them will have googled "boobs" or something innocent already and been hit with some full anal if they have no blocks up.

MiloMinderbinder · 20/07/2025 07:10

Nice! Have a good Sunday and a good life with your family. My youngest sister came home with sex education homework, aged eleven. “A bit young?” I thought to myself. This was fifty years ago 😀

SunflowerLife · 20/07/2025 07:29

It's the " stroke their penis" part I think is a bit much. From what I remember from my own sex education at school and my childrens' it was just the basic facts, sperm meets egg etc. I'm not against kids learning that sex is meant to be pleasurable and that masturbation is natural and to be done in private. They don't need to go into specific detail because it's not appropriate and it's pointless anyway because it's something humans do instinctively.

SamiSnail · 20/07/2025 08:14

llizzie · 19/07/2025 19:23

Well they say ignorance is bliss, so if you cannot see the point, you must be very blissful indeed.

It's all you get out of me.

Show quote history

So you were just trolling then, since it's obvious you won't explain what you mean. I can only presume you've never masturbated if you think fingernails get in the way. You'd have to be literally digging your nails in hard to do damage to the clitoris. You don't sound like you even know anything about masturbation at all.

Miyagi99 · 20/07/2025 09:57

Needmorelego · 18/07/2025 22:33

You don't need to be in a relationship to masturbate.
It's generally a solo activity.....
Edit: Sorry I think you were referring to learning about sex in general.
But at 12 you need to learn about periods.
How can you learn what a period is without learning about the biological facts of how babies are made - which (mostly) involves having sex.

Edited
Show quote history

Half the girls in my last class at primary school started their periods that year, not sure if there was something in the water! They definitely need to learn about periods before 12.

llizzie · 20/07/2025 15:31

SamiSnail · 20/07/2025 08:14

So you were just trolling then, since it's obvious you won't explain what you mean. I can only presume you've never masturbated if you think fingernails get in the way. You'd have to be literally digging your nails in hard to do damage to the clitoris. You don't sound like you even know anything about masturbation at all.

Edited
Show quote history

I am only replying to you because I think others reading this will be aware of what can happen if they are daft enough not to recognise a trap when they see one.

This is what trolling is.

Trolling is when someone posts or comments online to deliberately upset others. In short: Trolling is when someone deliberately tries to upset others online. Trolling can lead to a pile on, when others join in the attack.

It seems my few words in response to a poster became fixed in your mind and you could not let go of it.

I had no idea what trolling was until you just accused me of it. I have never heard of it, had no realisation that trolling was intended to stop people from posting on sites like this. I googled it to see what it means and am horrified that you should turn it from you to me.

.

BumblingBanana · 20/07/2025 21:16

YankSplaining · 19/07/2025 21:32

I don’t think 11 really is “quite young,” even - it’s just slightly younger than average. I got my period at 11 back in the late ‘90s and even then that wasn’t regarded as being notably young for it.

I’m so sorry to hear you had such a rough experience! My grandmother had the same thing, where she thought she must be dying, but that was in the 1930s. 😕

Show quote history

Oh maybe not. I was literally just only 11, by a month. Me and one other girl had started at the same time, no one else in the year had.

Original poster
jacksmannequin · 21/07/2025 07:31

BumblingBanana · 20/07/2025 21:16

Oh maybe not. I was literally just only 11, by a month. Me and one other girl had started at the same time, no one else in the year had.

Show quote history

I was 11 too!

OP posts:
godmum56 · 21/07/2025 10:26

llizzie · 18/07/2025 19:17

I read an article years ago which said it was OK, but led to built up frustration.

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how many years ago?????????

Needmorelego · 21/07/2025 10:58

godmum56 · 21/07/2025 10:26

how many years ago?????????

Show quote history

llizzie seems to be in some strange parallel universe where nothing makes sense 🤷

godmum56 · 21/07/2025 12:56

Needmorelego · 21/07/2025 10:58

llizzie seems to be in some strange parallel universe where nothing makes sense 🤷

Show quote history

😂

lilkitten · 21/07/2025 18:05

I think it's age-appropriate. DD has just finished Y6, she started periods a while ago and from what she tells me of the boys in her class they're all very hormonal too. She no doubt masturbates, as she's asked me questions about it. DS started masturbating at about 18 months, he's autistic and we were told it was a stimming thing. It took years to stop him doing it in public, finally in Y4 we had to explain it was a sexual thing as he did it in class, from then on he's been private. I've no idea if kids are more aware younger than we were (I wasn't aware of anything sexual at primary school, but also didn't start my periods until 13) but I think they need to know at a younger age. We've always been very open with discussing things with our kids though

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 24/07/2025 08:59

itsgettingweird · 17/07/2025 15:51

I work in a special school.

we very much need to work on teaching them what mastabation is.

For us it’s mainly (trying 🫣) to teach them it’s something boys do but it’s something you do in private.

Depending on the level of cognitive and academic ability of the pupils (outs have severe learning difficulties) will depend on how it’s approached.

But we have a major problem with boys figuring out for themselves what to do but having no idea that the playground, classroom or even Tescos is not the place!

🫣

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