A bit uncomfortable about what ds has learnt in his ‘boys club’ lesson

[jacksmannequin]

We had a letter home a few weeks ago about these lessons that were starting about puberty and hormones, they are calling it boys and girls club, how it wasn’t sex education and parents can opt out. I didn’t opt ds10 out because I believe he should learn about development. But I’m not happy he’s been told about masturbating, he’s only 10, autistic (in a special school) and I just think he’s not mature enough to hear about that yet. He came home saying “his soul left his body” 😆 the teacher was talking about how boys can stroke their penis and make it hard and get pleasure from it. I thought wtf !
AIBU? I just think it seems a bit much for year 5!

This has just reminded me that when he had an injury a couple of years ago on his groin area, obviously a nurse needed to check it out, he was sobbing his heart out really really upset about her having to look down there. He’s never ever been abused or anything so I wasn’t worried about that, I think he’s just so embarrassed and I can imagine how mortified he would’ve been in this lesson

I figured it out for myself ! My sister though does think it’s dirty for some reason

As all kids do!! But isn’t it better to be to do it right that it’s fine and normal - because these kids will be doing it anyway. Your son likely is mortified because he knows. He just doesn’t want you to know he knows.

@RepoTheGeriatricOpera most people have a warped idea of children and sexuality so most will be fine with this.

It’s entirely inappropriate to teach a child about masturbation, because eventually what will they be masturbating to…Porn? Because let’s be real most men masturbate to something

Stop sexualising children and allow them to learn healthy and normal sexuality in time. 10 is entirely too young.

There is a whole movement of men trying to actively stop masturbating due to the issues it causes…why are schools pushing this? Disgusting and absurd

But boys (and girls) of much younger than that do touch themselves for pleasure. Even before they can understand anything about sex. It feels nice so they do it. Though obviously it's not appropriate in public and nobody else should touch you down there.

It's reasonable to make it known that exploring your own body is completely normal. I'm presuming they said similar about girls.

And I was about 14 when I figured it out.

Which, in the nicest way, is very unusual. Most children know all about it at a much younger age, even if they don't know all the terminology.

Your son is 10 and will soon be a teenager - it's vital that he knows all this stuff before it happens - especially because he's autistic and much more vulnerable than his peers.

You don't need Internet access to masterbate and you don't even need to know what sex is either. With all due respect I think you need to detangle a few things.

Boys from babyhood up touch their penises because it feels nice.

Being told at 10 that this has a name, and that it is private is not ‘astounding new knowledge’ that is somehow inappropriate- unless you think that the touching that has been done from infanthood is morally wrong ?

And girls do it too. It's very, very normal for both sexes.

Sorry I'm with the OP on this. My son is 10 and also autistic and is VERY immature for his age, he would be absolutely horrified to have this explained to him in this way and by someone other than his parents and he would be totally clueless. Not all 10 year old are independent and left to explore the dark corners of the web.

But he's also about to go through puberty and needs to know what's going with his body in a factual way!

He may be mentally immature for his age but his body doesn't know that.

I sometimes look after a boy in Y2 (7 years old) who is autistic and has no spoken language. He likes to lie on the floor and ‘wriggle’ because (we are assuming) it feels nice. We are just working on a script to encourage him to do it in his own special place rather than the middle of the classroom!!

Also, 2 of my own children (boy and girl) discovered as young infants that touching their private parts felt nice - I just told them it was something to do in private - their own bedrooms would be the best place. I didn’t make them ‘less innocent’.

I actually think you are sexualising children by equating the assurance that body exploration in private is fine and normal with “men watching porn.”

These are not men, they are children. They don’t “need to” masturbate to anything.

If they aren’t actively masturbating most 10 year olds will be having wet dreams. Their bodies are going to do what they do, and feel how they feel. It’s important that they know it’s perfectly normal and actually (gasp, shock, appal) healthy to do these things. Physically and mentally.

Why is it disgusting to acknowledge that people touch their own bodies and there's nothing wrong with that whatsoever.
Do you think women shouldn't masterbate?

Completely agree with you and we discuss that with him as it comes, we've done body hair and voice changes so far but he is no way ready to deal with masturbation and sex.

So when do you think he will be ready? Because while you say he's mentally very immature, he will be going through puberty in a year or so and needs to know what all his hormones are doing and why he's feeling the way he does.

What happens if he wakes up to a wet dream and doesn't know what's happening, for example?

I also have worked with a very innocent and young autistic boy who would hump his bed/pillow.

His soul left his body - bless him 😆 thing is OP even if you opt out other children will tell him. It’s best he knows perhaps, I think I’d rather a teacher cover this than me explain it.

I would be amazed if any ten year old boy needed suggestions on how to wank! They may not be ejaculating, but they all know it feels nice. It’s not like girls where the clitoris is harder to locate, they discover it feels nice as soon as they discover their penis.

Sounds like an entirely appropriate conversation for a ten year old.

Yes! And when they begin learning from other children they first of all feel behind, like they are “not in on the joke” as such, and socially outcast. But more so, other children don’t make great teachers.

I find threads like this quite saddening for the way they show how many adults live with really deeply embedded attitudes that sex and sexuality are inseparably linked with shame.

They'll be having erections at that age already and so needed to know earlier really, why that happens and what you do about it and where you do or dont do something about it, 10 is right, its not 'sex education', its learning about how our bodies work

Okay yes explain erections but don’t put it in their head to have a wank at 9-10!

Believe me - they do not need it putting in their heads! It is there, popping up between their legs .......

Innocent and ignorant are not the same thing. It’s adult-loaded concepts like shame and secrecy that destroy children’s innocence, not facts presented in an age-appropriate way.