A bit uncomfortable about what ds has learnt in his ‘boys club’ lesson

[jacksmannequin]

We had a letter home a few weeks ago about these lessons that were starting about puberty and hormones, they are calling it boys and girls club, how it wasn’t sex education and parents can opt out. I didn’t opt ds10 out because I believe he should learn about development. But I’m not happy he’s been told about masturbating, he’s only 10, autistic (in a special school) and I just think he’s not mature enough to hear about that yet. He came home saying “his soul left his body” 😆 the teacher was talking about how boys can stroke their penis and make it hard and get pleasure from it. I thought wtf !
AIBU? I just think it seems a bit much for year 5!

If you were more polite, I might reply to you.

Lots of women masturbate without penetrating themselves, and I would imagine that masturbation with penetration is probably pretty rare for preteen girls.

These talks used to be delivered in secondary schools, but it has been identified that the younger generation, who mostly have free access to the internet are a lot more knowledgeable at a younger age. A lot of boys will already be exploring themselves regularly around 10 anyway, so no, I don't think this is too early. Masturbation is a topic that is actively taught about now, to both boys and girls, and to children with SEN/global delays too, eho were excluded in the past.

Could you explain what you are talking about please.
Your posts don't make much sense and I don't understand them.
Thank You

I’m an age where the only sex education I was given was in a girls only assembly.on my first day in secondary school. “If your period starts at school and you’re not prepared, you can go to the deputy head and ask for sanitary equipment “. Most of us had no clue what she was talking about.
Far better to have information about our bodies before we need it than to be shocked or ashamed when something happens to us that is new or unexpected.
It sounds like it was explained in a simple manner and I would have been grateful it wasn’t something I had to explain. I don’t think I would have thought of a phrase like that and would have struggled a bit.

I think that is entirely inappropriate and is a safeguarding concern. Why do these people think they are qualified to talk of such things and that a boys club is an appropriate setting.

I think this is really tricky. I used to do informal sex ed, not in England, when I was studying.

The person who ran it was quite 'forward thinking'.

It was for 15 year olds and focused on relationships. In most schools, this all went down quite well. It was workshop based, lots of interesting discussion.

I remember one school I went to, it had a more formal vibe, the students were much more, bookish and academic.

They could not have been less interested! I sensed they were slightly horrified by some of the things we talked about.

I left feeling, bad, like I'd pushed something on them that they didn't want to hear, or taken away some kind of innocence.

At the same time, maybe it might come in useful, maybe some of them did find it helpful, but just didn't know how to or didn't like talking about it to adults.

So I'd probably say something like it was good that you engaged with the discussion and good that you had your own opinion about what you talked about.

I suppose in a way, ha, part of the point of the sex ed, was also to encourage the kids to open up and talk to and discuss with parents, because far better that they have a relationship where they feel they can have a chat about anything to do with sex if they wanted to. So maybe just go with the flow on it.

Should add, my sex ed in the 1990s was when I was 11-12, we did periods and everyone remembers the condom and a banana.

Now, I had already started my period aged 11. Which IS quite young, and this young trend has continued. You have to remember there was a huge context of teen pregnancy in UK having quite a high rate at that time too (not sure what that is now). I didn't even know what my period was, I had it for 3 days until I eventually thought I must be dying, pulled down my knickers and showed my mum. When she said (lol), you are a woman now, I said 'but mum, I'm only 11!!'. I then cried for a whole day when I found out it would happen every month. Some prior warning would have been great. And would say the sex ed drummed fear into me about sex i.e. don't get pregnant.

Overall I don't think a child is irrevocably harmed by hearing about this stuff in a school environment, as PPs do you want them to go online for it? I also think it's naturally really ick to hear a teacher talk about it.

Ah on the whole why not just leave them to figure it out. When I taught the sex ed, part of the ethos if you like was teaching that sex can be pleasurable.

If both parties understand that there is pleasure for them and the other party, its more likely to result in healthy relationships, rather than just seeing the other as a (sex) object for pleasure. That was the idea I think anyway.

I just figured it out, I remember discovering it over the course of a couple of month when I was about 12.

You do know that babies have been born to girls of 12 and 13 before sex education was given so young don't you?

The boys club is the schools name for sex education classes and is legally required.

boys find their penis about 12-18 months old and the simple truth is that they never want to let go of it after that. They often rub or grab themselves down there to self soothe and control their emotion’s. If children of 4-8 can be told that it’s ok and they just need to do it in the bathroom or bedroom and not in public then I think it’s absolutely fine to explain to 10 year olds that it’s not shameful and they already know it’s pleasurable 🤷🏼‍♀️. If your ds said his soul left his body then it suggests he’s already possibly got a bit of shame attached to it so it’s good it’s being brought into the open. If everybody was open and it was normalised from day one then abused children would find it much easier to speak up aswell.

Obfuscation and trying to keep children in the dark about their own bodies is what mates a predators job so easy. As Giselle pelicot said, Shame needs to change sides instead of embarrassing children for innocently touching themselves, we should be giving them the strength to understand their bodies and be able to speak up freely when they and their boundraries are breached. Sunlight radio is the best thing to empower kids and remove a predators advantage

When i was Yr 5 and we were taught sex ed we were shown a video of a family of 3 all walk out of the bedroom naked once by one! It was so weird!
Also they showed a video of a baby coming out the vagine.
I dont think we learnt much people either laughed or vomited 🤣

I find it all odd. Since when do boys need to be taught about it?! It’s something they do instinctively! my 5 year old nephew won’t leave his alone!!

I assume someone is teaching your nephew when and where it's appropriate though.
This is especially important in SEN school like where the OPs son is.

Wtf

Exactly why they need to be told about appointment times....not don't do that, leave it alone but that's something you do in Private

Let's get back to the serious side of the OP thread.

Parents have to be informed of sex education in a school and they can decide to opt out if they think their child is not ready.

However, on this occasion the school said it was NOT sex education, thus taking away the OP's right to know about it in advance and decide whether it was appropriate for her DS.

In the event, it WAS sex education. I have not looked up the law, but certainly that school acted wrongly in saying it was not sex education, when it was.

@llizzie erm....ok.
That has nothing to do with your strange posts about fingernails etc.

@llizzie and as I said upthread the possibility is that a child asked something that led to the discussion and the teacher answered factually but slightly unplanned.
These things happen in these type of groups.
It will be up to the OP if she decides to take it further with the school about what happened.

Haven't rtft yet but I can't see why people need to be told about masturbation at all. Of all human activities it seems to be just about the only thing everyone managed to figure out all by themselves.

Yes but children need to be when and where it's appropriate to do it - especially in a SEN school where the OPs child is.

@Needmorelego fair enough but I would think it's a need to know basis. I don't think society had a big problem with little kids all over the place touching themselves in public. It is instinctive to not do it, in the same way that very young kids will want to go to the toilet in private. If a child with SEN is inclined to put their hand down their pants then that can be addressed one to one with that child by parents or teachers in a positive way. No one should be shamed for it. However i don't think a lesson on 'here's how to have a wank' is appropriate at all for any child. If anything you'll end up with children that don't regularly do this wondering what is wrong with them because teacher says everyone does it.

@Dontlletmedownbruce I seriously doubt they were given instructions.

Well they say ignorance is bliss, so if you cannot see the point, you must be very blissful indeed.

It's all you get out of me.