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Original poster

How to make it fair?!

208 replies

littlemousebigcheese · 14/07/2025 17:16

Ok I understand this might be ridiculous but I can’t think of a solution. My daughter (8) received some money for her birthday, £45 in total. My son (5) has his birthday near to hers and didn’t get any as he’s younger maybe, or his friends gave gifts at his party instead of money in a card which seems to be more common as they get older?
anyway! Daughter has £45, son has nothing. She would like to go to a toy shop and spend her cash, lovely, all fine but what do I do about my son?! One idea is I just give him some money to spend but then that doesn’t seem fair that she’s spending her own cash when he just gets some from us?! Husband said she could give him half of hers but that seems unfair too? FIL thinks it’s a life lesson but I think 5 is a bit too young to learn about the harsh realities of life being unfair 😂😅 so not massively keen on that idea either.
I know this is prob such a non issue but I can’t figure out what to do. He would be upset to get nothing if she gets to choose lots for herself. Is there a way to do this fairly?!

OP posts:
RoseofRoses · 20/07/2025 14:31

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AlexStocks · 20/07/2025 21:51

If you want to build BIG RESENTMENT between your kids, you make her give half of her gift away. No, you allow your son to pick a gift too, or explain that when he's older, he may well get bigger gifts. I can't even believe that her giving half of her money away is on the table!

FartyPants9 · 20/07/2025 22:42

AlexStocks · 20/07/2025 21:51

If you want to build BIG RESENTMENT between your kids, you make her give half of her gift away. No, you allow your son to pick a gift too, or explain that when he's older, he may well get bigger gifts. I can't even believe that her giving half of her money away is on the table!

NO, you don't allow the son to pick a gift too as that would be making his sister's birthday about him.

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AngelRoja · 21/07/2025 12:24

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As they are both so young, something extra from the parents for them both might be an excellent idea, although I think it would be better if you can take her alone if possible.

AngelRoja · 21/07/2025 12:32

littlemousebigcheese · 14/07/2025 20:02

Thanks all, sometimes it’s hard to see clearly 😂 I wouldn’t make her give him money, don’t worry. She’s a very young 8, autistic and with some other conditions and she often gives him things so it was more my husband suggesting it because she’d probably do it anyway. He does share his toys to be fair, they’ve both played with all the bits he got for his birthday! Lots of action figures and Lego which they both like.
completely agree that toy shop would be easier as a solo trip but not very possible as it’s summer holidays and my husband works so hard to find time when I’m just with her but will try that!
she absolutely should not give in to a male tantrum or be taught that her wants and needs are secondary to a man’s; I’m very feminist and this just wouldn’t happen here. If anything, he’s the poor maligned one as she gets a lot of focus and attention due to her needs.

I dont think feminismo has anything to do with your situation, nor do male tantrums. I raised two BOYS with the same age difference and had very similar situations. It's a question of age not gender. We solved, this when they were small, by making sure that the little one received a small gift on his brother's birthday and vice versa. Once they were older and understood that each birthday was the other's special day, we stopped.
I repeat, gender and being a feminist has NOTHING to do with it.

AuntMarch · 21/07/2025 12:46

It's already fair. He got his birthday presents, the money was hers. The end. 5 is not too young to learn that. It might be too young to like it, but that's ok too!

Skybluepinky · 21/07/2025 16:29

Welcome to the real world it is fair he got presents she got money, what you going to do if she wins lottery when she is older give him the same amount?

CollsR · 21/07/2025 16:57

Option 1: Take your daughter alone if you can & explain to son that he got toys and she got cash.

Option 2: Give both kids £15 each from hubby and you. Son has £15 to spend & daughter has £60.

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