How to make it fair?!

[littlemousebigcheese]

Ok I understand this might be ridiculous but I can’t think of a solution. My daughter (8) received some money for her birthday, £45 in total. My son (5) has his birthday near to hers and didn’t get any as he’s younger maybe, or his friends gave gifts at his party instead of money in a card which seems to be more common as they get older?
anyway! Daughter has £45, son has nothing. She would like to go to a toy shop and spend her cash, lovely, all fine but what do I do about my son?! One idea is I just give him some money to spend but then that doesn’t seem fair that she’s spending her own cash when he just gets some from us?! Husband said she could give him half of hers but that seems unfair too? FIL thinks it’s a life lesson but I think 5 is a bit too young to learn about the harsh realities of life being unfair 😂😅 so not massively keen on that idea either.
I know this is prob such a non issue but I can’t figure out what to do. He would be upset to get nothing if she gets to choose lots for herself. Is there a way to do this fairly?!

Her money is her money let her spend how she will, it is unfair for her to share. Where i come from we believe what a child is given as a gift belong to them only and should be spent on them. Your son is 5 it wont matter to him you are overthinking.. if you and your husband are worried give him some money of your own... make it make sense

You can remind DS of the presents he got from his friends and explain that DD has had money instead, and that when he gets older people may give him money too. Meanwhile he can have fun helping DD choose her presents. It is an important life lesson and not so very harsh.
Next birthday, maybe you'll decide to give DS money as part of his present if nobody else does.

Let your daughter choose toys online and order them for her??

You do nothing. FIL is right. Your DS got more presents and your DD got money and that's that. It's not a big deal. A family member giving your DD money and DS nothing would be unfair. There is nothing unfair about this situation.

Tell your husband that someone at work didn't get as much pay as he did, so it's 'only fair ' that he gives half of his away, see what he thinks of that idea! Ridiculous to suggest she shares her birthday money, there's no reason your son would get something for his sister's birthday, it's her day, not his. Unless you want to raise an entitled child who thinks he should always be front and centre, teach him now that no means no and stick to it.

I know someone who gives gifts to the sibling on the other child's birthday so they don't feel bad. Don't be this person!

Did you and your husband insist that DS shared all of his presents because his sister had none? Give yourself a wobble, it isn't DS birthday so no pressure cash.

Take her alone you purchase a little toy for him to give when u get back.
we always put gift money in savings.

Take her on her own to spend her money on what she wants. Tell you twat of a husband to do one - with bells on.

Just take your DD shopping to spend the money and leave your DS at home with the other parent. Or if you all go together, explain it’s her birthday money and when he’s older, he’ll be able to do similar. It’s ok for your DS to feel the emotions of not getting a toy too as long as you explain why.

My DD started saving birthday and Christmas money at around 8yrs. Maybe suggest she puts some in a savings account - it all adds up!

This. Don't make your DD give up half her birthday money and don't just give your DS more gifts. Point him to his own birthday gifts.

@littlemousebigcheese the sensible thing would be to leave ds with dad while you take dd to spend her money! why should she share her birthday money with her brother?? honestly, what planet is your dh living on??

I would either take her without DS or i would give them both like £10.

DS has some money to buy something small and DD gets the same but will in total have more. And it's still fair. To some degree

You don’t have to do anything. Kids understand the concept of birthday money even at age 5, surely? ‘Your sister got money instead of gifts this year, remember all the toys you got?’.

This.

It already is fair. It’s her money to spend. Stealing from her to give to her brother would be unfair. You either take her alone if he’s going to have a tantrum or ideally you teach him to be excited for his sister to take her out to spend her birthday money. If he fusses you just remind him he got all that lovely Lego on his birthday and his sister got money to buy her own present. And ultimately if he has a tantrum about it then so be it. Don’t ever teach than tantrums get you presents.

Why can’t one of you take her shopping on the weekend? You seem to be trying to make this so much harder than it needs to be

Take her shopping for clothes/toys without her brother. Bring home a tube of bubbles or something for him - hopefully daughter will get him a little treat out of her money.
My daughter at 8 would prefer New Look or River Island to toy shop.

Take your daughter to the toy shop without your son. Problem solved.

So weird you’re even having to ask on this? Your son got a load of gifts, your daughter got money. Your son needs to be told this - 5 is old enough to understand. It’s not even a ‘life lesson’ - they both received fair amounts but in different ways. He goes to the shop and lets his sister spend her money without him needing anything more than a sweet at best if he’s behaved while she’s choosing. If he kicks off, parent him. Shock horror, maybe even discipline him for wanting more than his fair share! Suggestion to share the money blows my mind!

Sorry OP but can you both really not work this one out?

Your son received gifts instead.

The money is your daughter's.

You don't give her money to your son.

You explain to your son that instead of gifts DD was given money for her birthday. If that's too hard, one of you take DD and don't take DS.

This ⬆️.