How to make it fair?!

[littlemousebigcheese]

Ok I understand this might be ridiculous but I can’t think of a solution. My daughter (8) received some money for her birthday, £45 in total. My son (5) has his birthday near to hers and didn’t get any as he’s younger maybe, or his friends gave gifts at his party instead of money in a card which seems to be more common as they get older?
anyway! Daughter has £45, son has nothing. She would like to go to a toy shop and spend her cash, lovely, all fine but what do I do about my son?! One idea is I just give him some money to spend but then that doesn’t seem fair that she’s spending her own cash when he just gets some from us?! Husband said she could give him half of hers but that seems unfair too? FIL thinks it’s a life lesson but I think 5 is a bit too young to learn about the harsh realities of life being unfair 😂😅 so not massively keen on that idea either.
I know this is prob such a non issue but I can’t figure out what to do. He would be upset to get nothing if she gets to choose lots for herself. Is there a way to do this fairly?!

I had a friend who parented her two daughters like this, always trying to make everything exactly the same for them. It was absurd, life is quite simply not like that. She’s having a nightmare with them now they’re nearly teenagers, but she would never listen. Ex friend now.
Your daughter has money, your son has presents, and if it was a whole class party as they often are at his age, then he has stacks of presents. Likely higher value than her money. He doesn’t need anything else, just the lesson to be grateful for what he already has!

Oh and as an addition to my post above, whatever you do do not make your daughter feel guilty for enjoying her money! Your husband’s idea is appalling.

Let her spend her money on herself. She shouldn't have to share with her birthday.

If it was the other way around would your husband think that your son should share his birthday money with his sister?

By his logic your son should give half his presents to his sister.

Husband said she could give him half of hers

😱Has the heat got to your DH?

He’s 5. He doesn’t understand the value of money. Let your daughter spend her birthday money and maybe buy your son a small toy at the shop when she does.

How about you learn to parent and explain to your DS what birthdays are?!

Your FIL is right , you are right in that it's a non issue

She gets to keep her £45 and spend it how she likes

Your son gets to keep bc all the gifts his friends gave him - when he is older no doubt he will get £ as gifts

Imagine it's you and your DH with birthdays next to each other - your best friend buys you a hamper of lovely pampering products that you like and your DH best friend gives him £50 and says " have a drink or two on me mate". - should you give half your gift to your DH and he give you £25 ???

Easy solution, you take your daughter shopping, your husband takes your son out or stays at home with him. He's 5 he'll be fine.

Please do not make dd share her birthday money, that is unfair. Explain to your ds that she is spending her birthday money that people gave her instead of presents and buy him something small.

Your grandmother sounds absolutely horrid.

Or how about OP sends nothing on her son as it's not his birthday, sounds like a good way to raise an entitled male.

D

Oops, sorry. Was meant to be a new thread. Ill report myself and get the comment deleted.

He had presents rather than money. She had money and is about to turn it into presents, so they will be equal. It will all be fair.

He had his presents on his birthday though? You tell him she is spending her birthday morning and that’s that.

Any money our kids have received....
That is my children and now grand children....
Is banked. We pay for the things they need, any gifts are theirs and are put away to save till they come of age.

Pocket money from me is banked every week. I give extra in their hand when they run low or have needs. I help my daughter to buy what they need clothing etc, and holiday funds, but anything else is saved.

Did the same for my own kids. Their government funds in year 12 were banked and their savings saw my middle son thru uni, when I would forward his own funds when he requested extra, so he didn't have to feel he was putting me out, over and above the help I gave anyway.

My eldest went travelling, the funds were sent when needed over and above his regular. The remainder helped him set up his own barber salon when he settled back home.

My daughter bought her 1st car, so she could advance her career by being mobile, and paid part of her wedding extras over and above those we provided.

Those savings would have been wasted on 'plastic toys' and stuff in childhood.
Having personal funds in their late teens/20s set them free.

To recap. Kids generally have enough toys. They'd received plenty from others and the cash was a bonus.

If they needed anythjng or were short on their birthday, I would buy them a toy of their choice, but the money had been given to them, belonged to them, abd was held in trust till they NEEDED IT.

I had 3 children, gave 4 grandchildren.
Ive done the same thing for them all.
Before anyone shoots me down for savings the funds, all 3 of my children have been Very Grateful that I didnt make them spend their gifts. They have grown up to be adults who value money and save for what they need.

Receiving those bank accounts when they came of age really set them on a path of monetary efficiency and wisdom over their spending habits.

My eldest son (42 yrs) told me last year that he still quotes my rule to himself

When the kids wanted the latest plastic fad toy i would ask them

"OK, last month you wanted He man. This month its the new GI Joe, think about it.... next month the toy moguls will bring out another hit toy..... which one will you prefer then?

And the punch line, which they would parrot with me (laughing)
" we dont pander to the Yankee Dollar"
If anyone is going to have my money, it will be my kids!

To recap. Kids generally have enough toys. They'd received plenty from others and the cash was a bonus.

If they needed anything or were short on their birthday, I would buy them a toy of their choice, but the money had been given to them, belonged to them, and was held in trust till they NEEDED IT.

I had 3 children, now have 4 grandchildren.
Ive done the same thing for them all.
Before anyone shoots me down for savings the funds, all 3 of my children have been Very Grateful that I didnt make them spend their gifts. They have grown up to be adults who value money and save for what they need.

Receiving those bank accounts when they came of age really set them on a path of monetary efficiency and wisdom over their spending habits.

My eldest son (42 yrs) told me last year that he still quotes my rule to himself

When the kids wanted the latest plastic fad toy i would ask them

"OK, last month you wanted He man. This month its the new GI Joe, think about it.... next month the toy moguls will bring out another hit toy..... which one will you prefer then?

And the punch line, which they would parrot with me (laughing)
" we dont pander to the Yankee Dollar"
If anyone is going to have my money, it will be my kids!

Bealoala....
There was a time when I could have joked

"If her lipstick and perfume suit him, that could be a compromise"

These days its less likely to be 'unlikely'
🤣😂🤣

How to make it fair? Did he have to share his birthday presents with her? I’ll bet no, it’s her birthday money to be spent how she wishes, I’d personally put it all away and that’s why my two boys bought their own cars at 17 ( but that’s a different topic). They both need to learn that it’s only one persons birthday in which the other gets nothing but vice versa. I have always done this with my sons and now my grandsons that live with me. It works, I’ve got a Lego set I got cheap for my eldest one for when he gets in and nothing for the youngest, but he won’t care as he knows it will be his turn next time. You’re setting them up to fail with all this ‘fairness’ life isn’t fair and we need to acclimatise our children into being able to deal with it.

This. It is always hard when one child gets something that the other doesnt get and it is a little early for them to learn "life lesiones. Take her shoppong alone and buy him a present for your return so he is not left out completely. (And explain to him that he got lots of toys for his birthday and that she didnt get many)

Not really. They are both still very small. At that age it is not unusual to buy something for the younger child as well. As they get older they understand better about birthdays.