Friend wants to invite 30 people to her baby shower

[bipbopdo]

My friend has asked me and two others to organise a baby shower for her. She wants to invite 30 people. We’re all geographically spread out and the party is supposed to be in August. I would dearly love some advice on how to pull this off!!

When she first asked I thought there would be max 15 guests. I’m not sure how to cater for 30 people when we won’t have access to a decent kitchen (long story).

First question: why can't she do it herself?
Second question: what budget has she given you?
Third question: do the three of you want to organise it?

Book a pub or hotel that does afternoon tea send out messages to everyone with time location and price and what will be will be

1. Apparently it’s traditional for your friends to throw you a shower?
2. A budget hasn’t been set, but it looks like we’re meant to cover it ourselves.
3. Initially, I thought it would be fun to do. Now, I’m finding the idea of organising a decent party for thirty people very daunting.

Baby showers weren't a thing when my DD was about to be born in 2002 so they can't be that traditional. Do you have a venue? (You say you won't have access to a decent kitchen.)

Tbh I'd try to pull out of been the one that is doing the organising!

But if you can't/ don't want to start by figuring out what kind of event the mum to be wants , a gathering at her house , lunch , or restaurant?
If its not going to be at her house figure out 5 /6 places that are easy for everyone to get to.
Check with the mum see which ones she prefers, send 3 options out to everyone else and see what they come back with and go from there

Thirty people won’t be there if it’s in August and they’re all spread out. It’ll be around 20.

This is not a tradition. It feels grabby. Is she a dear and good friend. Are the far flung people likely to travel.
Imo the only person who wants to go to a baby shower is the mum to be!

Bugger traditional! I assume you’re in the UK, and British tradition is not to be so grabby and not have a baby shower at all.

if you have to play along with this over indulgence in your friend, book the upstairs room of a pub. Either one where you can bring sandwiches, cakes and snacks and the pub does the tea and coffee or better still, a tea shop / cafe where everyone pays to have afternoon tea. I’m all for making a fuss of an expectant mum but telling people that you want them to organise a baby shower for you is really grabby.

Book a venue, invite her 30 guests, sort some catering and then message her “ venue booked, catering sorted, your 30 guests have been invited they will RSVP to you, it will be £XXX, deposites need to be paid by X date” and then leave her to it. She isn’t a friend if she is putting (expecting) all that on you.

This is what I would do if a friend delegated this task to me.

1. Send out email invite with date, time and venue, give RSVP date and ask for any dietary requests.
2. Appoint three boyfriends/husbands/male friends to be the Barbecue Boys (sexist I know)
3. Appoint musically inclined friend to put together a playlist - silly songs about babies to be included.
4. 3 weeks before, order personalised plates, cups + cutlery eg https://www.zazzle.co.uk/chic_greenery_woodland_animals_baby_shower_neutral_paper_plate-256922880255220971
5. 2 weeks before, order cake from local baker (or one of the three of you make it), to be collected on morning of party; (if necessary) borrow barbecues so there are three in total and gazebo so barbecuing can be done even if it rains
6. Day before: make lots of salads and puddings in your own three kitchens and keep in the fridge, buy bread; buy booze and soft drinks and meat/vegetarian/vegan options for barbecue
7. Morning of party, make salad dressings, barbecue dressing, slice bread, assemble ready to take to friend's house, pack black bin bags, serving utensils, mustard, ketchup and personalised plates etc.

Total cost c.£300 - ie £100 each.

Having accepted it's customary for a friend to organise a baby shower, I'm still a bit shocked that the friend would ask for it to be organised, especially given the cost. Surely the friend should ask the pregnant woman if she would like a baby shower organised. Although I personally wouldn't be daunted by organising for 30 guests, it's a big number when you're asking a friends to do the leg work for you and pay.

For number 2 I am honestly at the cheek of it. Not a chance in hell would I be coerced into something like this. That’s what she is doing OP. Just say no.

ridiculous tradition, back out now

Wouldn’t backing out be the nuclear option? It seems like it would cause issues all round. I wish I’d known she wanted it to be such a big thing upfront and I could have declined.

I'd arrange afternoon tea somewhere, tell everyone how much it'll cost each, they pay their own bill.

No way should you be paying???!!!!

Don’t be scared to say no, you’ve never been to one/ don’t like them, wouldn’t know where to start or what to do, so she needs to ask someone else

I like the idea someone else had posted about an afternoon tea. I find it awfully strange for you to foot the bill!

Or better still, organise it herself. It's beyond grabby to want so many guests and expect friends to pay for it.

I don't think you should do it if you have the slightest doubt. What do the other two of your trio think?

I’ll say nothing about baby showers in of themselves, but organise does not equal ‘pay for’ in my book. ‘Organise’ means find a venue, think about decorations and a couple of games and a playlist, everyone pays their share of that.

I would just say no!
if she wants a baby shower she can organise ! I would offer to help maybe ( actually not )
I blooming hate baby showers.
30 people is a lot.

It's common now to book an area at a cafe and everyone orders their own coffee & snacks. You'll only have to do a few decorations, manage invites & tidy up. Although I'd only do this for non-entitled friends.

My friends put on my baby shower & a second baby 'sprinkle'. I wasn't going to have either but they insisted. It was simple & relaxed at my house. Everyone brought a plate of goodies to share. It's beyond me why it now has to be a huge, staged event with photo ops for social media and gender reveals. No one cares!!

You send out the invites, and prepare the location. In the invites, ask everyone to bring a bowl of food, a plate, or some cakes, soft drinks and/or alcohol. You sort out tea and coffee. The end.

There is nothing "traditional" or "customary" about a baby shower in this country, it's a very new thing.

Whatever you organise, tell your grabby CF friend how much it costs and give your bank details. Don't wait till afterwards, and don't pay for it yourselves!

Fuck that

30 people, from all over? And you have to pay??

Nah

I very much doubt that all 30 people would attend. I know I would not travel for a baby shower outside my home town.

Your friend is taking on an American tradition with a twist. It’s traditional there for a friend to host (including covering all costs) a baby shower. What’s not traditional is asking someone to do it. They either offer or you don’t have one.

I would do an afternoon at home and ask people to bring a plate to share. Play a few games and call it a day. She does not get to choose how you spend your money or time and you have been very kind to agree to host