Friend wants to invite 30 people to her baby shower

[bipbopdo]

My friend has asked me and two others to organise a baby shower for her. She wants to invite 30 people. We’re all geographically spread out and the party is supposed to be in August. I would dearly love some advice on how to pull this off!!

When she first asked I thought there would be max 15 guests. I’m not sure how to cater for 30 people when we won’t have access to a decent kitchen (long story).

The absolute bloody nerve of your friend! I hate baby showers, they are so grabby and awful. I’d have been embarrassed to have one. A few people asked me during my last pregnancy in 2010. Absolutely not. I would be telling her to do it herself. What a cheek!

Can I ask if anyone saying "they're not a thing here"? Is under the age of 40?
Because they are very much a thing and have been for years.

Don't understand the grabbiness either - the whole point is you usually only invite close friends who would have bought you a present anyway, there just giving you them before the baby arrives rather than after. You're not expected to give 2 lots of presents!
I understand some people might thinknl its bad luck but personally I think it works out better for the mum to be - surely by the time the baby is here you've bought everything you need?

Can I ask if anyone saying "they're not a thing here"? Is under the age of 40?
Because they are very much a thing and have been for years.

Maybe it depends where you live. Definitely not a thing here, the poor families can’t afford it and the better off ones would despise it.

Can’t you ask the guests to bring a bottle and just provide crisps ? Maybe make a large cake to share?

Whether they are a thing or not, they should be consigned to history.

I didn't know Shakespeare was American!

I meant baby showers not bridal showers. Yes I am over 40 but when I had my kids the youngest is aged 20 they most definitely were not a thing were I live in the north of England. Now various local FB pages are filled with posts asking for suggestions of where does a good baby shower.

No, I'm 56, but my youngest is 14 and they definitely weren't a thing then. At least, not around here!
Yes, they've taken off in recent years and are more common, but it's silly to attach the words "tradition", "customary" etc. to a new phenomenon of only a few years standing!

I am wondering, if you have a baby shower, and then get visited by people to meet the new baby, do they bring a second present?

Okay so I really really didn’t want a baby shower but my friends insisted. They organised an afternoon tea at a cafe, I believe the cost was split between everyone there not just the organisers, (like it would be on a hen do where you just include the brides share) so it’s actually not much more per person (I did ask to contribute but they didn’t let me!) I suppose that’s much easier to cost up and afford if you outsource and go somewhere rather than have it in someone’s garden though!

It was actually really lovely and 5 years on I still massively appreciate the effort everyone made.

the friends I've been to baby showers for live in bristol, plymouth, birmingham, london, dublin, south wales, blackpool, dorset, scottish lowlands, dubai and other places in the UAE... so pretty wide ranging.

I wouldn’t be paying for it! She could piss off

I always end up buying 2 gifts if I've been to a baby shower then meet the baby. I would feel rude going to the shower with nothing and the same when meeting the baby. Although really should be an either/or thing tbh.

I didnt have showers for mines as I don't feel comfortable people selling out twice for me/DC.

What a load of bollocks. Tell her to sort and pay for her own bloody baby shower. She sounds like the worse possible kind of “friend”

I don’t like buying gifts for a baby who isn’t safely here yet. On the handful of occasions I’ve been invited to a shower I have taken a token gift for the mother-to-be. I send or give a gift for the baby once s/he is safely here.

Yeah I agree that's the reason why I didn't have my own baby showers. I would rather celebrate once my babies here safe and well.

Absolutely - 💕🙏. I am useless at timelining stuff. I would tried to have done it all the night before 🤣🤣🤣🙄🤭

@thevassal
A lady at my last work place had a baby shower but unfortunately due to a complications, the baby died. Her husband had to donate all the presents including a pram. It was donated to a local baby bank before she came home from the hospital.

It's not always guaranteed that the mum will have a safe delivery, or that she or the baby will survive it either. It's best to wait until the baby is born to give gifts and just buy a wellbeing present for the mum instead.

With the weather being so hot, how about a tea, cake and ice cream party. Ask the local ice cream van to turn up. Small cup cakes to allow for different dietary requirements which can be bought. Soft drinks, tea, coffee etc. Might put a lot of people off travelling to it if it's not a massive "do".

To suggest it’s traditional makes it sound like it’s been a thing for years and years. My daughter is 17 and back then people who I knew didn’t even have baby showers so I would very much dispute that showers are traditional never mind the concept of friends organising and paying for it 🤯

Yes it can be traditional for friends to throw a baby shower and cover the cost but if she's asked you to do it, and she wants 30 guests, she can't expect you all to pay.

I'd ask her what she has in mind in terms of budget / catering as 30 people is double what you had in mind and see what she says and she sounds cheeky!

But also agree with PP that even if you invite 30 I'd expect less than 20 to come.

This is a really American thing, it’s not traditional in the UK not sure where you are. How cheeky to expect you to organise it for so many people I’d simply say no very grabby.

Could be worse . Could have been a fuckawful gender reveal party 🥳

My friend did this for me with roughly the same number of people for my first pregnancy. Not everyone was able to come but those that did brought snacks and decorations, all very much a "everyone mucked in" type party, held at my mother in law's house. I offered to cover costs but the girls didn't want me to. We played games, are cake and generally had a catch up. It was wonderful and I was feeling so down in my pregnancy that it really cheered me up that my friends went to the effort for me.

For my second pregnancy I organised, hosted and funded a baby BBQ with my other half. I personally think one baby shower thrown for a FTM is a lovely thing to do as it's such a major life event, and a very challenging time for the mum to be.

I know people on Instagram have hired out venues, and beautiful decor (someone quoted me £350 for balloon decor for my BBQ) but what was important to me was seeing my friends, not the insta photos, so we didn't bother with all that!

Urgghh! Sounds massively like she's asking you to organise an event for her to be showered with gifts. Not cool.