Friend wants to invite 30 people to her baby shower

[bipbopdo]

My friend has asked me and two others to organise a baby shower for her. She wants to invite 30 people. We’re all geographically spread out and the party is supposed to be in August. I would dearly love some advice on how to pull this off!!

When she first asked I thought there would be max 15 guests. I’m not sure how to cater for 30 people when we won’t have access to a decent kitchen (long story).

Just say ‘Mary I have thought about this and I can’t afford to pay for YOUR party for 30 people.’ and then shut up.
Say nothing at all.

What planet is she on.

Yes, I've heard that in the US and Canada it's a tradition, and to set up a new Mum. It's not traditional in the UK, however,so this is where all the stress and confusion lies.
Usually, you visit some time after the birth and take a gift.

She's a real cheeky bitch.

I would send her a message asking what her budget is. When she says you're paying, say no.

no….

Book a nice cafe once you have confirmed numbers and people can pay for what they order on the day.

Indeed! 😂

I organised a baby shower a little while ago and did it as an afternoon tea (we didn't have 30 so did it at home but our local school/village halls are £10-£15 per hour to rent).

I did it as a pot luck so everyone brought something, I had a WhatsApp group with a poll set up so people could say what sort of thing they were bringing.

I covered the decorations which I got from Temu for about £15 total including really pretty paper plates and napkins.

It was a really sweet day but I also knew the recipient would be so touched and grateful for the effort/fuss and would never expect something Instagram worthy!

We threw baby ‘showers’ for my daughters but really they were more like family and close friend get together in my garden lol.

Big family, don’t see each other at the same time a lot so we definitely didn’t get rid of their brothers.

We bought scones, cream and jam and did a cream tea. Was quite cheap really.

Rude to ask someone to do it though.

Another vote for ‘bring a plate’ and look up some baby shower games. You don’t need to supply booze but people can bring it if they like. Just do some nice soft drinks.

I had a baby shower arranged by my mum and friend in my mums house. It was a surprise but I didn’t ask for it at all.

i think you need to go back to your friend and suggest 3 local pubs/ function rooms and say this is the fate, you’ll invite who she wants and then you’ll discuss food costs with her once you know rough numbers. I wouldn’t be suggesting you pay for it at all.

This this this.

I've been to two baby showers. One, the mum hosted at her home, prepared a feast and games for guests, and in return guests bought gifts for baby. The other was hosted in a restaurant by expectant parents who paid for all food and drinks for guests. Again, guests bought gifts for baby. Both families were American so I assume this is how it should be done? Parents provide a party/food and guests brings gifts. It shouldn't be just take, take, take from the parents! That's not right at all.

I think if you’re not going to pull out of organising, the most sensible thing to do is:

1. find a venue that self caters.
2. Ask the expectant mum what the budget is- if she says zero then tell her that the cost of the venue will need to be split among guests (and ask if her family will be covering her share).
3. Ask expectant mum or her family to cover any deposit owed to the venue (so you don’t lose out if guests understandably refuse to rsvp to a baby shower they also are being asked to pay an attendance fee for)
4. let expectant mum know the cost per guest - so she can approve in advance.
5. send invites to guest with the upfront cost per guest on the invitation

Where I live baby showers are quite normal and are usually a nice SMALL gathering arranged by the mom to be's sister or mom or close relative.

The mom to be usually would not know about it and it would usually be a surprise.

They are only ever a smallish get together of close female friends and family members. It is not intended as a bash to invite everyone she knows and go all out.

Only small gifts are bought, usually things that would be used a fair bit, soaps, bum creams, maybe a few little outfits etc.

If she is wanting to go with 'tradition' she should not have suggested it, nominated anyone or expect anything.

I see why people are getting fed up and finding it grabby now, and very much seems to be an attention and gift getting exercise from what you have said OP.

So if you still have to arrange it, just book a venue for a few hours (it is never traditionally longer than 2/3 hours) and each person covers themselves food and drink wise.

Dd did her own at home.
she bought balloons and stuff, did an afternoon tea and just had 15 people.
she asked for no gifts as she had bought everything.
people wanted to bring gifts so she asked for nappies in any size .
it was a lovely couple of hours

I am not aware of any tradition of friends paying for a baby shower, or in fact organising it. Simple enough to do though. Rent a village hall or somewhere else (ideally with a bar). Sort out a small music system. Send out the invites. not sure you will get that many in August as people will be away. I certainly would not be paying the costs.

They are a recent thing in the UK. Fortunately I have never been invited to one. I would not be paying- ridiculous. If you have it at a venue either she pays- in the hope this means she gets the presents she wants- or you have it at her house, u all take a plate- list on what's app group and people sign up, then grabby madam might still get presents she wants. Win win.

I bloody hate baby showers 🤣 no one wants to spend a Saturday afternoon sniffing melted chocolate out of a nappy and clapping over who can guess it’s a Mars Bar. As PP have said they just feel so grabby. I’ve had a friend (who has form for this kind of thing) not buy any clothes for the baby herself because she was “waiting to see how much she got at the shower” the expectation just infuriates me.

Baby showers are pretentious nonsense at the best of times, but putting this amount of logistical and financial pressure onto friends is pure CF behaviour.

She clearly wants a huge fuss (for Instagram?) and 30 gifts.

If she is a close friend I’d offer a small gathering (no more than 6) in your home with a few balloons and some cake.

Baby showers are an American (USA) import, so not traditional in the UK.
People are supposed to offer to throw one if they want to, not be asked.
Those throwing it probably do cover the costs and:/or ask people to contribute, but they will have offered to do this.
I'd be inclined to say that it's a bit big/much for you to organise.

I'd say to her it isn't in your budget right now to be able to afford to fund a party that big.

For those saying hire a hall. No don't do that OP.

The point is that it is just meant to be a low key event, something for mom for a few hours as it is normally arranged fairly late in the pregnancy.

There is no costs of hiring halls and all this nonsense. It is usually held in someones home (or garden more like), but at a push at a coffee shop type place where there is not another cost for venue. Decorations will be a few balloons or also very low key too.

Hiring and decorating halls.... No.

It is and always has been a low key event. This is where the tradition of it in other countries is getting very muddled now.

She’s been an absolute CF but ok, some people are and I assume she has some redeeming qualities. However, expecting you to pay for it is completely unacceptable. You will also have lots of people not coming and you don’t want to end up in a situation where you owe a venue money. I would send a WA rather than a formal
invitation but say ‘I’m thinking of x venue, this is the cost pp, needs to be paid in one week. If not enough people, somewhere else will be booked.’ That then gives you time to sort a pub or something if not enough people for an afternoon tea.

Hmm sounds strange - sounds like she wants a free party and she’s given you a lie to get it.

People that want baby showers organise it themselves - sure friends will help, just as they do with a wedding - but you don’t have to have a baby shower.

If she is a very good friend and she doesn’t want to pay I would opt in for the least amount of spend. Either doing it at a park, getting some picnic food or getting people to buy a dish - a few balloons - or do it at her house . Put all invitees on a WhatsApp group and organise it from there.

I wokldu also lower my friend expectations - I’ll tell her that I’m not a party planner and I can’t guarantee 30 people but you’ll throw her something small and whoever turns up, turns up.

Don’t stress yourself too much about it. It’s only a month away after all - so just do what you can.

I'd back out and just say that this is well beyond your talents. Tell her you expected something low key for 10 people, but you now realise her expectations are for something much greater and you don't want to disappoint her and that she needs to find someone else.

She's a cheeky fucker to be sure. It isn't a honour to go to a friend and say "put in a few hours work and a couple of hundred quid to throw me a party", but frame it as a "I'm no good at this, and don't even have access to a kitchen at the moment" rather than you don't want to do it. You can't and you'll let her down.

If it's such an honour someone else will be delighted to do it.