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Original poster

Friend wants to invite 30 people to her baby shower

266 replies

bipbopdo · 13/07/2025 00:19

My friend has asked me and two others to organise a baby shower for her. She wants to invite 30 people. We’re all geographically spread out and the party is supposed to be in August. I would dearly love some advice on how to pull this off!!

When she first asked I thought there would be max 15 guests. I’m not sure how to cater for 30 people when we won’t have access to a decent kitchen (long story).

OP posts:
Courgettezuchinni · 13/07/2025 08:33

Lots of people will be away on holiday in august so I imagine prob only 15 or so will come. Make it somewhere you can have afternoon tea (everyone bring a plate to yours if youre hosting) as presumably some will be travelling there (with their own kids?)
Tbh for #2 she's being a CF!

isitme111 · 13/07/2025 08:36

30 people won't come especially in August some are bound to be on hols or have other plans as it's relatively short notice. I would look at afternoon tea options and send invites in which the cost and expectation for everyone to pay for themselves is clear. Alternatively hire a local hall or hold it in her house and provide sandwiches, cake, tea, coffee, glass of prosecco, music and do a couple of games.

Lioncub2020 · 13/07/2025 08:37

Doggymummar · 13/07/2025 08:32

Yep, this is the type I've been to.

Show quote history

To be fair as an attendee I prefer this to having to get dressed up and spend a fortune going somewhere "posh" with a group of someone else's friends.

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Toadstoollover · 13/07/2025 08:37

For those saying book a cafe/room, it’s still a hassle. You still have to find somewhere, send out invites, deal with RSVPs. And all within the month!

If you’re spread out geographically you’ll need to think about travel/parking of your chosen venue.

It honestly sounds like a lot of hard work and stress.

Even if you host at someone’s house and ask them to bring food, you’ll still need drinks. You’ll be making endless cups of tea and clearing up.

What are her expectations? Is she wanting/expecting decorations/games?

What do the other friends think?

CatherineParr · 13/07/2025 08:38

Host in one of your back gardens. Ask everyone to bring something specific..e.g. you bring crisps, x will bring sandwiches. Shove up some bunting and ask everyone to bring baby photo of themselves, play guess the baby. Have a baby themed Spotify playlist. Easy, barely costs you anything as spread between everyone without asking for huge sums of money which will annoy people

Mummypie21 · 13/07/2025 08:39

I've attended a few baby showers. It's usually afternoon tea or some activity and the guests all contribute to it. It wouldn't be fair for one (or 3 friends) to take on the whole cost.

AmusedCat · 13/07/2025 08:40

Baby showers and gender reveal have to be the most God awful things ever to come out of the USA.

StartingApril2025 · 13/07/2025 08:41

Havnt read all posts but one of the nicest ones I was at was everyone bringing a dish - you were told sweet or savoury and was in a garden, nice and relaxed. Was savour canapés type things or sandwiches or cocktail sausages - everything that could be eaten cold then desserts. Few baby related games etc. hosts would have only had to pay for some soft drinks, paper plates and cups and the few decorations!

minnienono · 13/07/2025 08:42

Get the emails or set up a WhatsApp group for all attendees, host at whoever has a suitable house, get attendees to pay £5 each for a cake and decorations, then everyone brings a food/soft drink contribution (no alcohol, really no need, most will be driving)

ColinCaterpillarsNo1Fan · 13/07/2025 08:43

bipbopdo · 13/07/2025 00:24

  1. Apparently it’s traditional for your friends to throw you a shower?
  2. A budget hasn’t been set, but it looks like we’re meant to cover it ourselves.
  3. Initially, I thought it would be fun to do. Now, I’m finding the idea of organising a decent party for thirty people very daunting.
Show quote history

No she's wrong, it's traditional for the family to organise and pay for it. This is not a hen do, she needs to pay for it herself the greedy cheeky fucker.

You either get a few people round yours for coffee and cake but if she wants a big do then her parents or partner needs to pay. She is using you to have a big party.

In my culture, it's regarded as bad luck to celebrate the baby before it arrives because it's not guaranteed until the baby is actually born safely.

Helbelle75 · 13/07/2025 08:43

Saffy255 · 13/07/2025 01:17

I'd arrange afternoon tea somewhere, tell everyone how much it'll cost each, they pay their own bill.

No way should you be paying???!!!!

Agree with this. I've been to a couple of afternoon tea baby showers, paid for myself and it's been lovely.

Alltheyellowbirds · 13/07/2025 08:43

Toadstoollover · 13/07/2025 08:37

For those saying book a cafe/room, it’s still a hassle. You still have to find somewhere, send out invites, deal with RSVPs. And all within the month!

If you’re spread out geographically you’ll need to think about travel/parking of your chosen venue.

It honestly sounds like a lot of hard work and stress.

Even if you host at someone’s house and ask them to bring food, you’ll still need drinks. You’ll be making endless cups of tea and clearing up.

What are her expectations? Is she wanting/expecting decorations/games?

What do the other friends think?

The ones I’ve been to the mum-to-be has sent her own invitations. I mean, she’s the one who has all the contact details for her own friends. Not hard for her to send out some WhatsApp messages. Weird to me to get someone else to do that for you!

Moglet4 · 13/07/2025 08:45

AmusedCat · 13/07/2025 08:40

Baby showers and gender reveal have to be the most God awful things ever to come out of the USA.

This!

prelovedusername · 13/07/2025 08:45

bipbopdo · 13/07/2025 00:24

  1. Apparently it’s traditional for your friends to throw you a shower?
  2. A budget hasn’t been set, but it looks like we’re meant to cover it ourselves.
  3. Initially, I thought it would be fun to do. Now, I’m finding the idea of organising a decent party for thirty people very daunting.
Show quote history
  1. It’s not a tradition in the UK.
  2. This is what you say. “Happy to organise if that’s what you want but it’s going to be very expensive. Tell us your budget and we’ll tell you if it’s possible”. It won’t be.
  3. It will not be fun for anyone, including the M2B.
Sevenamcoffee · 13/07/2025 08:46

I’ve never been invited to a baby shower as not a thing until recently and I’m never going. Not at all traditional, just ridiculous and grabby imo. In fact I’m a bit superstitious about buying a load of baby stuff before the birth, silly I know. At work we would buy the person something for themselves and then something for the baby after.

GonnaeNoDaeThatJustGonnaeNo · 13/07/2025 08:46

Your friend is a total CF

Moveoverdarlin · 13/07/2025 08:46

It’s mid July now, in August you will get loads of people who can’t come due to holidays. Lots won’t bother to travel for a baby shower and loads will just think ‘I’m not paying £30 for afternoon tea for a a baby shower’.

Get an idea of numbers, send a message on WhatsApp to the 30 saying ‘Emily really wants a baby shower, we are just getting an idea of numbers at this stage before we book something. It’s going to be on X August at 2pm. It will be in the form of afternoon tea, few classes of Prosecco in a pub or restaurant/cafe in the XXX area. Appreciate some of you are further afield. I have included a poll below. Can you let me know if you can make it or not. I realise it’s holiday season so some will be unlikely to make it. Those that can make it, I will be in touch with venue / costs shortly. Xxx

diddl · 13/07/2025 08:46

Surely if it was a tradition she wouldn't have had to ask & someone would have already thought to do it for her?

If that's not the case & she wants one she organises it herself I would have thought.

prelovedusername · 13/07/2025 08:47

Moveoverdarlin · 13/07/2025 08:46

It’s mid July now, in August you will get loads of people who can’t come due to holidays. Lots won’t bother to travel for a baby shower and loads will just think ‘I’m not paying £30 for afternoon tea for a a baby shower’.

Get an idea of numbers, send a message on WhatsApp to the 30 saying ‘Emily really wants a baby shower, we are just getting an idea of numbers at this stage before we book something. It’s going to be on X August at 2pm. It will be in the form of afternoon tea, few classes of Prosecco in a pub or restaurant/cafe in the XXX area. Appreciate some of you are further afield. I have included a poll below. Can you let me know if you can make it or not. I realise it’s holiday season so some will be unlikely to make it. Those that can make it, I will be in touch with venue / costs shortly. Xxx

Don’t do that, people will say yes, and then back out later.

MounjaroMounjaro · 13/07/2025 08:49

Wow, what an entitled and greedy person she is. Best case scenario is that her hormones are playing up. There's no way I'd be throwing a party for 30 people at her request. It would be far too expensive. I would have to tell her that I wasn't going to be involved in a party that size - maybe she could have 10 or so in her house with everyone bringing a plate of food and her providing drinks.

MummaMummaMumma · 13/07/2025 08:49

In my experience, yes a friend would organise. But most definitely not pay for!!
Usually an afternoon tea/ lunch somewhere and people would pay for themselves and the mum.

MounjaroMounjaro · 13/07/2025 08:50

If it's a tradition, how many has she done for other women?

Beeloux · 13/07/2025 08:50

“Good morning CF, unfortunatley due to some unforeseen family/money problems, I’m unable to organise your baby shower. I’m happy to offer any moral/practical support that I can”.

Honestly I can’t believe the cheek of some people. I have 2dc and would have loved a baby shower but I couldn’t afford one, hence I didn’t have one. I wouldn’t dream of asking someone to arrange it nevermind pay for it!!

Alltheyellowbirds · 13/07/2025 08:51

Sevenamcoffee · 13/07/2025 08:46

I’ve never been invited to a baby shower as not a thing until recently and I’m never going. Not at all traditional, just ridiculous and grabby imo. In fact I’m a bit superstitious about buying a load of baby stuff before the birth, silly I know. At work we would buy the person something for themselves and then something for the baby after.

Yes, I’m pretty sure the tradition in the UK was not to celebrate or buy gifts for the baby until after it was born. Not that it matters but just because OP mentioned tradition and feels bound by it.

Kingsleadhat · 13/07/2025 08:52

mmsnet · 13/07/2025 00:58

ridiculous tradition, back out now

Agreed

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