Friend wants to invite 30 people to her baby shower

[bipbopdo]

My friend has asked me and two others to organise a baby shower for her. She wants to invite 30 people. We’re all geographically spread out and the party is supposed to be in August. I would dearly love some advice on how to pull this off!!

When she first asked I thought there would be max 15 guests. I’m not sure how to cater for 30 people when we won’t have access to a decent kitchen (long story).

Fair enough if it's local, but i can't imagine wanting to travel for a baby shower, when instead I could visit when the baby is there to give my present and actually meet the baby? Are all these people likely to want to come?

These things are as simple or complicated as you want to make them.

1. Send out 30 emails or text telling people the date. The just the mum-to-be's house as the venue. Keep it short and mid afternoon say 3-4.30.

2. Tell people to bring their own booze / soft drinks.

3. Catering - just buy some large packets of crisps etc - for 30 snacks could be done for £20. Set a time that doesn't need catering.

4. Organise a few silly games. Pass the parcel with a couple of giant maternity pads in the middle (make sure mum-to-be wins - make some joke about being left holding the baby). Pin the tail on the baby. All share your most horrific birth stories.

5. Done.

No need to overthink this crap.

A friend of mine asked me to arrange her baby shower and I was delighted to do it…it did not occur to me I was meant to pay for it! We had a lovely afternoon tea in a local hotel, we all paid for ourselves but did cover the cost of the mum to be amongst us all. I arranged a few games and a sash for my friend to wear so cost for all that was minimal. My friend had a lovely time.

Yeah if it's that many id do the afternoon tea. I've been invited to a few baby showers where we all pay our way no one is out of pocket then.

Honestly I'm not keen on them as I feel you have to get a gift for baby shower and another when baby is born.

Not traditional at all. Something stolen from the US like the trends for “proms”

I would text friend and ask what her budget is.
From her response you can say something like you don’t mind organising it but you don’t have the money to pay for it all/split between the 3 of you (you’ll only have 1 pay day until then).

I would then ask for the list of friends and message them all and say “X wants a baby shower in on Y date, held in Z area, nothing is planned yet but I’m just finding out numbers to try and plan something. Wouid you be available to come on that date to that area?”.

You need the location near your friend.

Chances at many of them will be busy or can’t travel.

@bipbopdo
Do it.
Send out the invites via text/Facebook.

THROW IT OVER THE BANK HOLIDAY. Preferably the Sunday for maximum impact.

Guarantee you 70% won’t be available. You’ll be lucky to get 10 people. It won’t be your fault and nobody has to deal with the faff of a big event.

That's what I thought, I've only ever been to one baby shower but it was held in my friends in law's kitchen, we had tea and cake a played a couple of games. Your friend sounds like a bit of a nightmare op, she needs to scale it back a bit I think

Just don't do it. Things like this should be fun not a chore.

They're not traditional, they're an american thing that have gained popularity here in the Instagram era, it's just another photo opportunity. However, given that you don't want to back out and feel that would be nuclear, I would ask the star of the show to set up a WhatsApp group with the invitees and then leave the group.

Meanwhile you choose a venue that you like, that does afternoon tea, and can technically host 30.

Choose a date and a time, announce this in the group and set up a PayPal and ask them to deposit £x by the end of the day on X date, if they'd like to come along, and make it clear that there will be no opportunity for refunds if they change their mind. You can then book the venue knowing that you're not going to be out of pocket.

Don't whatever you do start giving people options. God speed.

This is a nice option.

Perhaps in the invitation say that everyone pays for themselves.

Then you and the other 2 put an extra few quid in each to get some decorations.

Personally, I’m not a massive fan of baby showers, but if a friend is having one I’m happy to go, celebrate the new baby whether it’s their first or their forth, and pay my own way.

When a friend asked me to organise a baby shower for her - she wanted afternoon tea at a particular venue - I sorted everything and sent out invites with the cost per person included. My friend’s mum was annoyed that people were asked to pay for themselves and ended up covering the cost herself. It was almost £600.

Was I honestly expected to pay that?

No, the old-fashioned way of doing it in the UK is to give a gift after the baby is born.

We're almost half way through July.

When in August is this meant to be taking place?

Are you saying absolutely nothing has been done? Has date been decided? Do you have the contact details of the 30 attendees?

Have you and the other organisers had a discussion about it?

I'd be pulling out and wouldn't give a shiny shit if it upset my friend.

If you do decide to continue organising then I'd go for the easiest option (reserve an area in a naice cafe so guests will be able to buy their own coffee and cake and plan a few games / set up some balloons and decorations)

I wouldn't even get involved in booking anything you have to take payment for / chase attendees etc.

When she first asked I thought there would be max 15 guests. I’m not sure how to cater for 30 people when we won’t have access to a decent kitchen (long story).

She's asked for it to be held in a certain place?
If there's no useful kitchen I'd order a sandwich platter from M&S or somewhere, crisps and a load of scones, cream and jam. Done.

But yes, August and geographically spread out? Some win RSVP to say they can't make it, and a whole lot more will flake nearer the date.

If you do decide to continue organising then I'd go for the easiest option (reserve an area in a naice cafe so guests will be able to buy their own coffee and cake and plan a few games / set up some balloons and decorations)

That would be my suggestion too, of it didn't seem that a venue has already been decided on (see my post above).

I’ve got 3 children, one of whom is still quite young (6) and I’ve never had a baby shower, nor had it suggested to me that this is a “tradition”. If I wanted to have a gathering to celebrate my own baby’s
impending arrival, I’d organise and pay for it myself. Your friend asking you to organise and fund a party for 30 people is beyond presumptuous. Especially as it’s not even her first baby.

I wouldn’t back out in your shoes but I would send the friend a text, or speak to her, saying: we can’t do it at home for the following reasons… therefore for that number of people the options are [whatever they are] at a cost of £x per head. Is this something you’re happy for me to ask people to do? That might bring it home to her how vulgar it is asking other people to pay to attend a party to which they’re also expected to bring you a present.

Ask everyone to bring a plate of food, that will make it much easier. You could even write a list then ask people to bring specific things. Have it at a venue, preferably someone's house so it's free unless she has a big budget (if she does then cater for it), send our details 6 weekd before and ask for a specific date that you need the RSVP by (I'd suggest 3 weekd before). You could also do a baby registry if appropriate, or ask everyone to contribute to a bigger item the mum wants. You'll also need to be specific in your invite who is invited as that could blow out numbers.
Good luck! Someone is bound to be difficult so try not to let it get to you! People are inconsiderate Dicks!
Sorry I didn't mean to quite you!

Who the fuck expects their friend to organise and pay for a baby shower for 30 people? It's utter madness.

@bipbopdo Just tell her you can't afford it. She is being totally unreasonable. If you can't bring yourself to do that, book an afternoon tea somewhere and split the cost between the attendees, with everyone chipping in for the pregnant friend.

Assuming you're not in America, no, it isn't traditional. I don't know a single person who had one.

Just tell her you can't afford to throw a party for 30 people.

Erm…….your pregnant friend wants you and two others to organise HER baby shower for 30 people and those people have to PAY???? Not sure that’s how it works 🤔.
Aren't they held at the pregnant persons home, they provide light refreshments and the guests bring a gift for the forthcoming arrival?? That way, no one is particularly out of pocket.
Some people are so bloody entitled!

Let her organise it herself if she wants to lay down the rules. Otherwise just have it in somebody's house to cut costs. I wouldn't be forking out hundreds of pounds for a baby shower for some entitled diva.

I've been to two babyshowers. Held in mum to bes houses. A few bottles of wine and ready made sandwiches and juices for the pregnant people. Classic . On radio in background. We all put a tenner in and brought what we wanted to drink. Perfectly nice couple of hours. Nothing more iu5s needed.

Yep, this is the type I've been to.

I think it’s one thing asking you to organise it, quite another to expect you to pay for it all.

I've not been to that many baby showers as they weren’t a thing in the UK until recently, but the ones I’ve been to (five or six) the mum-to-be booked a private room at a bar and we had lunch or afternoon tea. At a couple she had paid for it all, at the rest the guests split the bill at the end just like you would normally. At all the mum-to-be and a couple of friends had arrived early and decorated the room.

Why don’t you suggest something like that?

Failing that if she wants you to host it at your home then she buys the food, drinks and decor.