Friend wants to invite 30 people to her baby shower

[bipbopdo]

My friend has asked me and two others to organise a baby shower for her. She wants to invite 30 people. We’re all geographically spread out and the party is supposed to be in August. I would dearly love some advice on how to pull this off!!

When she first asked I thought there would be max 15 guests. I’m not sure how to cater for 30 people when we won’t have access to a decent kitchen (long story).

Fuck that. Are people so entitled these days they expect to be pandered to like this??

Invite sent out. Book afternoon tea & everyone pays their own

This is the old-fashioned way of
doing it, actually.

They are an old American tradition, and no, you don't throw one for yourself. Traditionally, friends or female relatives throw the shower in honour of the mother to be.

Agree.

I wouldn't say BS are an old fashioned tradition. Certainly none of my friends who had friends 25+ years ago had them. They just weren't a thing - thank God

It's an American tradition and it's only grabby in places where the rules are disregarded. In practice this means the UK, apparently.

Holy shit!

I gave one for my daughter in law. It was a morning tea so hot drink/soft drink sandwiches and cake. I have a big entertainment area so that was easy. We played some games delegated to a friend to organise.
decorating delegate to her sister
it doesn’t have to be over the top

Every. Time. People claim this ‘wasn’t a thing in 2002’ (first shower I attended was more than thirty years ago) and that people are ‘greedy and grabby’ (very odd circle of friends people have if they’re such greedy unpleasant people).

I did not have a shower myself; it’s not my thing. I have, however, attended and also planned many. They are not at all unusual, have happened outside of the US for many years, and are only thrown for selfish grabby people if you’ve made very poor friendship choices.

I agree with others I’d expect maybe 20 (possibly fewer) to actually attend. Almost all I’ve attended or organised have been an afternoon tea either at one persons home or at a venue where everyone pays for themselves. Some have been gift-free (the purpose is to gather together as women to celebrate the mother to be), the rest have involved small gifts such as a picture book you read to your children or an item you found useful.

I agree with this (and this is how baby showers have been organised when I've attended them).

I'd simply book afternoon tea or a simple buffet at a tea room/hotel (or order food in, if the venue is already specified e.g. home) and ask attendees for the cost per head.

I agree. You shouldn’t be carrying the cost of this. The bride should stump up the money, or you go for an afternoon tea option and everyone pays themself. You nay even need to get a deposit if them.

Certainly not a tradition. My dc are in twenties. Not one person I knew had a baby shower. In fact, there was a superstition that it was unlucky to get anything before the baby was born.

She has warped two concepts together - people throw a baby shower for you, you don't instruct one- and a hen do where it's the bridesmaids responsibility to organise this. It's not a right to have a shower, it's something people throw for you.

Well if it’s for August it’s hard to imagine anyone will be free! Especially not 30 odd from ‘all over’

Op if you go down the afternoon tea route then ensure each guest PRE PAYS on acceptance or you will have a major issue with last minute cancellations.

Otherwise the village hall - a few balloons and everyone brings a dish each. If it’s warm it can be hosted outside.

I would decline and quickly, if you are going to, on the grounds it is much bigger than you anticipated. I couldn’t even be friends with someone like this tbh!

Your friend is mugging you off.

Nuclear option? Not sure what that actually means in this context, but if you think it means by telling your friend you can't do it, they will stop being your friend, then I'd really question that friendship.

Newsflash, you can back out, you have t even sent out any invitations or done the arrangements so now is the right time to back out!

I really would say, sorry it took much to organise and bow out.
it will cost a fortune, she wants a party, she does it.

A baby shower is essentially begging dressed up as a bit of fun.

It is an extremely crass thing to do in the UK. I’d be embarrassed to have one. In fact I made it clear to my fiends and family when I was pregnant that I didn’t want one.

From AI.
It's understandable that you want to communicate honestly and kindly with your friend. You can express your feelings while being supportive. Here's a way to say it:

"Hey [Friend's Name], I really appreciate that you thought of me to host your baby shower. I want to be honest with you—right now, I don't have the space or resources to host such an event, and I wouldn't want to do a disservice to your special day. But I’d love to help in other ways, like planning or helping with small details, or celebrating with you in a different way. I hope you understand, and I truly wish you a wonderful baby shower!"

My response is based on how it is in the US.

1. It is, but you don't ask your friends to do it.
2. Yes, traditionally the people who host of the shower are the ones who pay for it. But see #1; traditionally those people volunteer to host the shower with the understanding that they're paying for it.
3. I wouldn't expect all 30 people to show up, but it really just needs to be finger foods, cake, and then a couple of cheesy shower games.

Exactly.

Ask her what day she wants it
Get list of people
Email them all inviting them round to hers for said event, tell them to bring nibbles
Let her know it is arranged

It’s also a Canadian tradition. I have attended many for relatives, and we often each bring a dish, usually baked good to have with tea. They are thrown by close relatives.

Is this the new hen party!

Don”t get involved.

I got thrown one by surprise for my last child in Australia. It was hosted at someone’s house and all the attendees bought a dish, so there was enough food and not too expensive.

I didn’t really enjoy it though tbh because of the surprise element and I wasn’t emotionally ready for it at that point (lots of ups and downs with fertility and not wanting to count my chickens!).

I can guarantee there will not be 30 guests turning up. So many people hate these idiotic events and especially with it being in August there’ll be plenty of excuses flying around to get out of it.

You can either duck out:

’Hi Sadie, sounds like fun. Unfortunately I don’t have the capacity to do any organising but happy to help with blowing up balloons and making sandwiches if pointed in the right direction!’

Or,

You tell the MTB to send you the email of every guest, and set up a baby registry if she’s having one. Then provisionally book afternoon tea for 30 (though tell them it’s likely to be closer to 20) at a local hotel or coffee shop, and tell her the cost and deposit. Send round a questionnaire to the invitees telling them the details, asking them to confirm attendance, and pay in full with your bank details:

e.g. ‘It’s £25 + £5 each for the cake - so please transfer £30 to (bank details) and I’ll confirm your attendance.’

I’d go with 1 😁