Friend wants to invite 30 people to her baby shower

[bipbopdo]

My friend has asked me and two others to organise a baby shower for her. She wants to invite 30 people. We’re all geographically spread out and the party is supposed to be in August. I would dearly love some advice on how to pull this off!!

When she first asked I thought there would be max 15 guests. I’m not sure how to cater for 30 people when we won’t have access to a decent kitchen (long story).

Had my babies a while ago now, they’re teens. But even then a baby shower wasn’t the norm or even thought of (not in my circles anyway). Ludicrous really. And 30 people? Cmon, she’s being silly.

^This sounds good!

Don't get over-involved @bipbopdo
What have the other 2 "Volunteers" suggested so far? other than being strategically unavailable on the day

I have been to 2 baby showers- one was my own. My friends really wanted to organise one for me. There were about 8 or 9 of us, just my close friends. It was afternoon tea in a coffee shop. They each paid for their own food and split mine between them. There were a few balloons and some little games printed on cards that looked like they had come from etsy or similar.

The other one was for my friend. Her sister had booked out a large corner of a pub and there were maybe 40 people there, mainly family- aunts uncles cousins, the dad and some of his family were there. I took my son (he was invited) It felt more like a big birthday or engagement party and the focus wasn't really on the mom, which seems a shame. We each paid for our own dinner and the mom-to-be paid for her own too. Again there were balloons and some printed cards.

With my second child, my friends wanted to organise another but I felt uncomfortable accepting it because I had plenty of baby stuff already and I was the only one in my group with children. I arranged myself for us to go out for dinner when I was about 36 weeks just because I thought I would find it hard to get out for dinner for a while.

They still gave me gifts for baby just at random other times so I don't think baby showers are necessarily grabby unless you're inviting people that wouldn't otherwise give you a present. I certainly don't have 30 friends!

To summarise, book a space somewhere, have lunch or afternoon tea and all the guests pay for themselves.

I'm absolutely opened mouthed with disbelief and the cheek of your " friend".
The words " Who does she think she is?" spring to mind.

I think you, and your other friends actually, would be mad to indulge her. It sounds as though she is trying to re-enact her glory day as a bride to be.

It wasn't an expected thing fifteen years ago, though we did sort of have one at work as a send-off for someone who was going on mat leave (we all brought a food contribution, and had it in a space at work).
Is it the best option to ask people to pay for an afternoon tea for themselves and a present for the mum-to-be, when they may be at a time in their lives when they are short of money (young mums, not necessarily working)? It suddenly becomes £40 or £50 for attendees, and if they are part of the mum-friend set that you know from eg ante-natal classes, they will have several to go to.

Just a thought.

Where are you from? In the UK baby showers are not a tradition neither is making people pay for and organise a party begging for free stuff. It's traditional to pay for your own party/baby stuff.

Baby showers are an Americanism and a nonsense.
back out.

No idea why so many people are acting as though they've never heard of a baby shower before yet feel qualified to give advice
Ive been going to them for at least a decade, they can't be that new.

However most of the ones I've been to have been at venues (pretty much all afternoon tea) and have paid for myself at every single one, there's never been the slightest expectation the host or mum to be pays. No idea why people find this grabby, it's exactly the same as if you met at the pub for a meal for your birthday or something.

If people can't afford it, they don't have to come. If they come they are only paying for their own meal, that they themselves are eating, like in pretty much every other social situation where a group of people meet at an external venue.

Shock horror to lots of MN, I know, but some people actually like their friends and enjoy spending time with them, so don't begrudge paying a few quid for some tea and cake, which they will also enjoy, to do so.

Perhaps its hard to envision when you're middle class and middle aged but a lot of people dont have big houses so it's the norm to pretty much always meet at an external venue where, yes, you're usually expected to pay for food and/or drink to use the premises.

Just find somewhere nice, put an invite out to see how many can come and tell them the price, make sure you get people to pay upfront and in full to avoid you getting stuck with any drop outs. Put a few balloons up, up to you whether you want to play some games (there are lots of ideas online)or just chat.

Do the 30 people who she would like to come want to come? I would, sadly, be busy on that date. Why would I want to travel to somewhere in August to pay for my own tea / lunch whatever and give a present to someone? If I want to give them a present I will. If it were one of my local friends, and someone said "hey, thaawstom, we're having (inexpensive) lunch / tea / get together to celebrate forthcoming baby" I'd be up for that. If it were close family I might travel, under duress, for the "baby shower." I might even travel for a "baby shower" if it were one of my besties from uni and it was organised as part of a weekend together and the baby shower was a small part of it and the excuse for a weekend together before friend disappeared into motherhood.

Think your friend is cheeky and I would take the nuclear option, possibly slightly modified (because I'd just say the thing). I'd go back to her and say "wow, I think that's a big ask (for guests, actually). how about I invite (group of local friends) to coffee / tea on this date and we keep it low key? takes stress off everyone".

What is she going to be like when PFB is one? Are you going to have to organise said baby's first birthday party too? No-one but family are remotely interested in first birthday parties, and even then, it's just an excuse to get family together.

(And if she wants a big party, and is of the "big parties are the way to go" she should organise it herself)

1. Traditional where? In the US but even there it varies. It's a CF giftgrab otherwise you just invite your friends for tea/coffee without entrance fee.
2. Haha. CF mother to be. She asks her friends to pay for inviting other friends to give her gifts. CF.
3. It's not even a party. And normally the mother to be has nothing to do with the organisation of a shower. But your friend is a CF XXL. Tell her to organise it herself.

I wonder if people feel more obliged to go to a baby shower if invited, rather than for a meal out at a pub with mates? I am saying this because a friend of mine felt obliged to go to a baby shower for her new partner's daughter, with a bunch of people she didn't know at all, and pay for afternoon tea which she didn't really want. She felt obliged so she didn't upset her new partner and his daughter.

Is it an occasion where people who don't know each other that well get thrown together? That is rather different to going out for a meal with friends. And there are certain times in life when, from an affordability point of view, we took turns cooking for each other at home rather than going out for a meal. Not everyone has stacks of spare cash/any spare cash.
I also imagine some of the people invited will have young children/babies, and having afternoon tea is infinitely less civilised when fielding them than it may be.

@bipbopdo I would do a bring and share baby shower citing no decent kitchen area.
If 30 people all volunteer a different food contribution it will save work and expense.
And then tell them that a book either new or secondhand, inscribed to the baby by the giver will be an acceptable gift.

It's really not a UK tradition, clearky she's grown up watching this on TV. However, you can do this cheaply. Make up trays of sandwiches. Some bowls of crisps and then cones with Jam and cream served with tea or sparkling soft drinks. Ask everyone coming to contribute £5 toward the cost. This will pay for the food and some decorations.

Even if you want to help organise there is no way you should cover the costs yourselves! The guests pay. Most baby showers I’ve been to have been an afternoon tea, or similar at hotel or cafe and all the guests paid for their own food and drinks, and the guests paid an upfront amount to cover decor and the food/drinks for mum to be! Even an event at home, would involve guests paying some
money to cover their food and drinks (which means you can order in sandwiches etc to get round no kitchen issue)

No way should you be trying to do all the catering and cover the costs yourselves that is so unfair and expensive whether 6 guests or 30!

Although I can’t believe your “friend” has dictated your organise her baby shower … wow! Entitled!

Book an afternoon tea/brunch etc. those who can attend will (it won’t be anywhere near 30).
You will be out of pocket organising this but more so if you host it at someone’s house as you’ll have to provide some kind of catering for realistically loads of no-shows. At a venue you may have to front a deposit but then everyone at least pays for themself, and decorations are limited (some balloons, table decorations, maybe cupcakes etc.)

Please, please, please don’t put yourself completely out for this. Showers are NOT a tradition in UK and few people actually like them. Also remember that your friend will now have a baby, so when it comes to yours/ other friends turns your friend will likely not reciprocate.

No way should you be covering the cost. If she wants a baby shower (horrible thing) - she organises it and pays.
Step away from being involved.

Do it in a restaurant/afternoon tea place. They will then provide the food so you can focus on other bits and have the guests each pay for themselves

I know! Oh for the 🤣reaction again!

You'll need to have a forthright conversation with your friend, about costs etc.

Hold it at a place that does high tea. Everyone pays for their own high tea and you cover your friends cost. You don’t need decorations.

Why can't she pay for herself? Is it like a hen do?

Just decline. A real friend wouldn’t ask you to organise a party and foot the bill. Baby showers aren’t traditional either.

Just send out an invite with the location, date, time and to bring a dish to share and something to drink. Then it's just some decor and games, those are only the two bits you should be expected to put any money or effort into and then not much.

At mine my friends made a family fortunes style game and we did the usual betting on the date

Book a restaurant/nice tea room, then people can decide whether they want to come, and pay for their own meal. Asked to do it - I wouldn’t do something that will cost lots of money. Then you and the other 2 can cover the cost of her lunch.

In North America it is but is usually very low key in someone's home or yard and a pot luck so everyone brings a dish which not much different to just a regular thing just with some games, decor and presents