Favourite stupid joke

[BarilynBordeaux]

Times are hard so I wanted to start a thread of dumb jokes that crack you up.

my favourite:

Thinking about getting a glass urn when I die…Remains to be seen.

If you're an American when you go into the bathroom, and an American when you come out, what are you when you're in the bathroom?
European.

Dont like to show my ignorance but I dont understand this joke at all.

You're a peein' sounds like European..

What do you call an alligator in a vest?
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an investigator!

A truck loaded with Vicks Vaporub overturned on the M6

Amazingly, there was no congestion for eight hours………

Superman is taking an evening stroll past the church when the minister runs down the steps calling for his help.

"Superman, we need your help, a wall has collapsed in the basement, some workmen are trapped," he said, breathlessly.

"No way," said Superman. "I can't go near the crypt tonight

Knock knock?
Who's there?
Europe
Europe who?
No you're a poo!

Russian Dolls…..I hate them

….they’re so full of themselves

Why can’t you send a telegram to Washington?

Because he’s dead.

What’s E.T. Short for?

because he’s only got little legs

Why do moths fly with their legs open?

Have you seen the size of mothballs?

Why are hedges always around the edges of fields and never in the middle?

What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?
Dam!

Two nuns are out after dark, when a vampire jumps out at them. The first nun says, “Sister, show him your cross!”, so the second one says, “FUCK OFF you pointy-toothed bastard!”

I was incensed this morning

when i saw two men urinating next to my Vauxhall Corsa

until they explained they were from wee by any car

I met a man who loved tractors. Owned them, collected them, he was obsessed with tractors he thought about tractor night and day.
Until the day he crashed a tractor into a tree and he and his wife were injured. He vowed never to set foot in a tractor again, he sold everything tractor related and never spoke about tractors again.
one day we are out for a walk and we see a house on fire, instantly my friend runs over takes and deep breath and blows the fire out!! “How did you do that ?” I asked amazed.
”easy” he said “I’m a ex-tractor fan”

I tried a Wookie burger tonight for dinner. I didn’t like it much - it was a bit Chewy.

What do you call a drug addict duck

a quack head

Love this!!! 🤣🤣🤣

What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.

@BakedBeansforabrain I love this. Can't wait to tell DS.

One snowman says to the other
Is it just me or can you smell carrots as well.

What do you do if a bird craps on your car.
Don't ask her out again.

Two goldfish are in a tank
one says to the other
"how do you drive this thing?"

I was in my local shop and asked an assistant, “What gets rid of toilet germs?”
She said, “Ammonia cleaner.”
I said, “Oh sorry, I thought you worked here!”