Favourite stupid joke

[BarilynBordeaux]

Times are hard so I wanted to start a thread of dumb jokes that crack you up.

my favourite:

Thinking about getting a glass urn when I die…Remains to be seen.

😂😂😂

Squeeze 0 tightly in the middle and imagine the shape it makes.

I went shopping for a pair of camouflage pants but I didn’t find any

This thread has made me happy after another poster losing their shit over apostrophes.

Knock knock
who's there?
little old lady

little old lady who?

I didn’t know you could yodel 😀

How many ears has Captain Kirk?
The left ear, the right ear and the final front ear.

What's red and bad for your teeth?

A brick.

We need the laugh button back

Is diarrhoea inherited?

Yes because it runs in your jeans/genes

Why can’t you buy a headache cure in the jungle ?

Cus the parrrots ate em all 🦜

Daffy Duck calls the hotel reception and asks for a condom.
The receptionist asked, "Should I put it on your bill?
Daffy replied, "Are you thucking thupid I’ll thuffocate!"

I slept like a log last night…….woke up in the fireplace

a white horse walks into a bar and the barman says
"we've got a drink named after you"
And the horse said "what, Eric?"

What type of tile should you never use in a bathroom?

A reptile.

Yes, that's right @YesThatsATurdOnTheRug , the punchline really sounds like' you're a peein' when an American tells the joke 😄
Sorry for the confusion @Changingletters , I thought it was a kind of funny 😏

What's big and white and swings through the jungle going ahh-a-ahhhh?

Tarzan the fridge.

What was the guy called who couldn’t stop bouncing off walls?
rick o’shea

have you heard the Alice explanation for this?

No, do tell? 😁

A man walks into the butcher’s and says “Do you have a sheep’s head?” to which the butcher replies “No - that’s just how I wear my hair.”

Or alternatively... because 7 is a registered 6-offender!

A man was arrested after he was caught on CCTV walking past a church and throwing Domestos over the vicar. He was charged with a bleach of the priest.

My dog barks with a distinct Barcelona accent. He's a spaniel.

An elephant escaped from the zoo and was found doing a ton on the A4. Police advised motorists to treat it as a mini roundabout.

That Spanish actor who was in Skyfall started a fight in my pub last night.
Wow - Javier Bardem?
Not yet, but he's on his last warning.

You know who really gives children a bad name? Elon Musk.

A teenager goes into a clock shop and asks the assistant for a potato clock.
The assistant doesn't know what he could possibly mean and asks exactly what kind of timepiece it is.
He replies "I haven't a clue - I've just got a new Saturday job starting tomorrow, where I have to start at 9am, and my mum said to me "You'll need to get a potato clock".

What do you call a judge with no thumbs?
>
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Justice fingers

Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?

To get to the bottom

What’s the best thing about Switzerland?

I don’t know, but the flags a big plus! 🇨🇭

Why couldn't the skeleton go to the ball?

He had no body to go with