Ruined ds's prom

[lostanduseless]

Went to pick up him and friends and there was a hideous diversion. I just couldn't do it. Drove round and round for an hour until his headteacher gave up and drove them home. Could hear friends getting frustrated, understandably, while on the phone to him.

I feel to stupid and useless. I drive loads but every other parent managed to work it out except me. Poor ds. Poor teachers. Poor other parents. What a twat.

You're really being far too hard on yourself OP. Are you usually so negative towards yourself? It feels like you need to work on your self esteem, because honestly this is a pretty minor hiccup in the grand scheme of things 💜

You are waaaaay overreacting to this OP! Are other people giving you a really hard time- your son, his friends, their parents, the teachers?
If not, then there’s no need for you to beat yourself up.
If so, you’ve explained yourself, you did your best, they still got to enjoy prom. They need to lay off. Is this a primary school prom or a secondary school one? If it’s the former, what were the other parents doing, twiddling their thumbs? If it’s a secondary school prom then these kids are 17 ish right? With support they could have organised an alternative plan- I was getting taxis with my mates at that age!
You didn’t ruin prom, ‘poor’ no one! Poor you, if anything! Yes a wee gift for the teacher/s that waited but then let it go.

I've had this going for 1st day at a job it would send me the wrong way and back into some 1 way system

The interview was somewhere else.

It all worked out in the end and this will too.

Years ago was driving to a running race and recognised the car of Ron Hill who lived locally. European marathon Champion who also did a marathon in 50 countries I thought he must be doing the race.

Anyway he turned off and was not on the start line. Thought he was just going somewhere else. After the race they had a presentation in a pub and he showed up. Despite travelling running all around the world he had got lost going to a local race.

Made me feel better about a race I missed the start of.

It can happen to anyone- I'm sure the teens will forget it sooner than you!

Hardly ruined!

You sound to live in the same village! One of my biggest annoyance 'Road closed' signs with no indication of where the closure is. Driving on the A14 years ago the A11 exit towards Norwich had a Road ahead closed sign, that's 40+ miles of road with no indication of where the closure might be. It's a bit of Russian roulette, do I risk it being after my turning?

I feel this, and I promise you it's not as bad as you feel it is.
I felt like a constant failure raising my two when they were younger, I was a young single mother, working full time, with 9ne kid with medical needs and and ex partner whos family was a constant source of harassment. I was late for pick-ups, missed school trips, forgot party invites... they're grown now and genuinely do not remember these incidents the way I do. It's easy to fall into the "everybody is watching and judging me" mindset, but I promise the people that matter will move past this very quickly. Give yourself a break.

Hello fellow catastrophizer 👋🏼😂 no but seriously, we're so hard on ourselves and I think you're honestly being too harsh on yourself! It's a lot going on having a car full and trying to follow a diversion and any I've had to follow half of it you're driving blind because there aren't any signs! He had a good night, you are all home safe, alls well that ends well as they say! If you feel like handing the head a box of chocolates and a thank you card then go for it, nice to know they cared enough to do this. I also find some sat nav / apps quite hard to follow and some are also not updating quick enough with incidents and diversions etc. I use Waze and it's pretty simple and you can choose the voice which suits you and it's really quick to update on incidents and I've never had any issues during diversions etc! Also you and others can put on the map of any obstructions / accidents etc! Also, I turned my car into a cat car which ... Who wouldn't want to do that? 😂

Op you didn't ruin it. It was only pick up so not like they missed it

Get teachers a nice gift.

I had exactly the same happen to me when they closed A1. I swear I drove in circles around a well known city for an hour until I stopped a taxi man to get directions to get out.

I don't live in the Hebrides and its a total swine getting a taxi round here.

I agree with this. The kids had a great time and there was a bit of a mishap getting home. It is hardly the case that his evening was ruined.
Don't most kids crash at a mate's house after prom rather than waiting for mummy and Dady to pick them up anyway? Or are we all less savage than when I was 16?

A an apology email to the teacher will be fine no need for presents etc.

You also do not need to get the parents anything.

It may feel like the end of the world but it really isn't, when i picked up my son up last year loads were waiting for their parents as there was an accident on the motorway, I was lucky as I left early and missed it

What a supermum you are! This will be a funny story for him and his friends in years to come. On my prom night (many years ago) when about to drop us off, the car broke down outside the house and no taxis, so my Dad made us all go in the back of his transit van and instead of pulling up around the corner, dropped us right to the nightclub door, where the whole of 6th form were queing up to get in. I was so embarrassed when he got out and opened the sliding doors of the van in his builders clothes (filthy) and us girls having to jump out of it - people in the queue shouted “The A-Teams arrived” and “Mr T and the gang are here” and singing the theme tune - (this is showing my age now!) and I was MORTIFIED. Ballgowns and concrete! He came to pick us all up at the end of the night too and I wouldn’t speak to him.

Fast forward 25 years and that story (and many other embarrassing parent related ones!) comes up every now and then and we crack up. As he said at the time, he was only dusty as he was flat out working to make sure we had the best of everything - the prom dress, make up and hair done didn’t come out of nowhere. Dad retired last year and scrapped his final transit van, and it was such a sad day. All I could think of and still do, is dear god, I am so lucky to have a father like I do. Yours will be the same about you ❤️ x

I misread it to start with and thought you missed dropping him off. That would have been awful! Picking him up - not an issue! He would have had a great night and have others have said will laugh about it in a few years.

You have my sympathy OP! I am the idiot person who used to run a shop years ago that didn’t do deliveries but occasionally would drop off big orders after closing for regular customers. Once one asked me to drop her box into her Mums instead of her house that night. No problem I thought. Luckily I had a friend helping out for a few hours and offered him a lift on the way home. So two eejits a dog and a box set sail and got hopelessly and completely lost, didn’t bring the sat nav. It was like the chuckle brothers meets Mr Bean left, right round the roundabout 73 times, “err Xxx are you sure that’s not the same roundabout/dead end/ garden etc?” An hour later ring my now DH, tell him we are lost in this wee estate near him, described what I was seeing (houses/walls/gardens anyone?!), he tries to direct, loses the will to live, tells me to put xxx on the phone, directs him, we get there eventually. Clearly must have looked traumatised as customers mother promptly brings us in, feeds us including the dog, then we realise we have to find the way out. Both of us ended up staying at DHs that night as I wasn’t driving anywhere ever again and decided I needed a drink and he has never ever let me navigate that estate again even though we have friends and do some deliveries ourselves there now. He also of course told everyone he ever met (farmer so lots) who all think it’s hilarious still, friend moved across the water and still partly traumatised partly thinks it’s hilarious.

Honestly don’t worry! If it had been going it would be different but coming home you ruined no one’s prom. Write an apology to the head. I forgot one of mine at school when he was five, the head has not let me live it down thirty years on, very amicable. Another time picking up teenagers I got caught up in a road closure and kept going round in a circle. After a couple of hours of this I was pulled in. A very kindly policeman took me in his car and his colleague drove mine, they got me the other side of it, said it was nice to meet me but would prefer not to see me again that night 😂

@honeylulu I look at my little fingers to know if something is left or right! Everyone thinks I'm crazy 🤪 I can't drive anymore due to my eyesight but I know I'd be useless at following diversions. They are doing major works near me and the main roundabout 4 miles from mine looks like a construction site. There are traffic cones and diversion signs everywhere. I don't even recognise the turn off to somewhere I've been to loads of times!

@party4you
yes the actual real app. Just because it has not happened to you, it does not mean it does not happen to anybody else. It has happened to other people I know as well. It may be due to the way National Highways notifies of closures. Sometimes it states on their website „ lane closures” while in fact, all the lanes are closed.

OP you’re being way too hard on yourself. If it had been one of the other parents, would you have been angry at them for ruining your son’s prom? I’m sure you’d more likely sympathise with them for struggling with the diversion, and appreciate that the prom had already finished and they boys probably had a great time. Try to treat yourself with the same grace you’d give others.

OP, this was really not a big deal. Your son got to his prom, there was no major consequence like missing a plane, you're not stupid or awful, but you do need to realise that sometimes shit just happens. Not everything is totally under your control.
I had a similar issue the other day, on my way to work in a school ( that I have worked in for a decade) where I was leading a trip first thing, and due to multiple roadworks and road closures, could not find my way into work! Google maps and Waze hadn't logged all the diversions and I was going round and round in circles and beginning to panic. Eventually I had to drive nearly half the way back home again and approach from a different access road. Sometimes all the preparation and technology in the world still doesn't help. We live in an imperfect world and not everything goes right first time, and it's not always someone's fault. You did what you could.
It is worrying that you are feeling quite so awful about it, and I'm wondering whether you suffer from anxiety generally? Or is there someone telling you that you are useless?

Stuff like this happens especially when roads are shut overnight! Go easy on yourself. The headteacher will have dealt with things like this before, he just needs a quick apology and thanks and maybe a very small gift like chocolates. Your DS and his friends are almost grown they need to be resilient to things going a bit wrong like this.

Also, not the point, but isn't it traditional for teenagers to go to parties after "prom"? I'm guessing that's 16 year olds? I remember bussing it to an after party in a friend's garden - would have been mortified for my parents to have been involved in any way 😂

Not a disaster so dont beat yourself up.

That being said if you were a dad and did this you would be getting zero sympathy and slated for not being able to figure it out.

There’s a great app for your phone called Waze, it updates real time with diversions etc. you can’t change this incident but it may help in the future.

I think chocolates and a thank you is enough for the head teacher and head of year. I’d also get a thank you card, they tend to mean more to any teachers I know with a lovely handwritten message of thanks.

Don't be so hard on yourself these things happen.

Do you have add/ adhd and rejection sensitive disorder? I think in your situation I’d feel the same as you, but it’s not normal (or warranted). Breathe and repeat “I am a good person with good intentions”.

Life happens, diversions and traffic is a daily occurrence. This is absolutely not the end of the world, nobody got injured or died because you were delayed. Your son and friends could have acted as the young adults that they are and called a uber. I honestly think you're majorly overreacting and sounds like you have other things going on in your life. You called yourself useless and sounds like you're really beating yourself up mentally about this. Do you have low self esteem/ is there someone in your life that calls you useless? Be kind to yourself, this really isn't the end of the world.