Ruined ds's prom

[lostanduseless]

Went to pick up him and friends and there was a hideous diversion. I just couldn't do it. Drove round and round for an hour until his headteacher gave up and drove them home. Could hear friends getting frustrated, understandably, while on the phone to him.

I feel to stupid and useless. I drive loads but every other parent managed to work it out except me. Poor ds. Poor teachers. Poor other parents. What a twat.

Everyone else will have forgotten about this already and it’s time you did too.
Especially don’t go on about it in front of your son: you don’t want him to start behaving like this.

Please don't hate yourself. Others may have had their partner in the car helping them figure it out. Or a different satnav system e.g. Waze, that was responding better to the diversion. Also once you start feeling stressed/panicked it is extremely hard to problem solve.

Can I ask- is this a one off or did you often beat yourself up about things? If the latter you may need a bit of support/counselling?

If the former perhaps go out for a drink and a chat with some friends over the weekend and it will all feel better!

I agree with others OP, this is just one of those things. Everyone got home safely and that's ask that matters - buy the HT and HoY a little something to say thank you them forget about it.

If it makes you feel any better - FIL getting lost almost ruined my wedding as he was driving my husband 😆.

Be kind to yourself!

Prom wasn't ruined. Everyone got home safely but a headmaster and a couple of teachers were mildly inconvenienced. They are probably chalking that up as a successful evening as much much more can go wrong on prom night.

Your son will have forgotten all about it soon and I'm sure headmaster will be appeased by a thank you card and a small gift of some sort.

My DD's prom night last year was more "eventful" than I wanted it to be that's for sure!

Hating yourself, feeling sick and useless are very extreme reactions to something which frankly, is just part of life. Unless there's more to the story, you might need help unpicking why you are reacting so strongly.

How would that ruin his prom?

didn’t you have sat nav on? If everyone else managed to get there it can’t have been that hard.

How is this helpful, when the OP is clearly prone to being overly critical of herself?

You don't need tonsee the teachers now so don't worry about it honestly x

Google maps might not help if you use it as a satnav (i.e. expect it to do all the work for you) but is helpful if you use it like a paper map - pull over, look at the route its trying to send you and find an alternative, then reset to go via there.

Op I'd recommend downloading your local area to your phone so you can always access it even if there's no signal etc.

I totally agree with this too @lostanduseless
@Ophy83 is totally right.
if you’re feeling really bad a small gift and thank you card for the head
may also go down well - then try to put it behind you.

Presents not necessary I’d say. You were late picking reasonably old kids up from a prom. No one was in any danger or any more than a bit inconvenienced/pissed off. They’ll all get over it soon enough. Try and get a bit of perspective.

You were doing other parents a favour (or at least returning one) by picking up their children as well. It went wrong. I’ve been there with diversions. Where I live, when the main trunk road is closed, there’s often just one sign that sends you off down lanes with nowhere easy to pull over and no further signs. It’s very frustrating. Nonetheless, I really don’t think this is anywhere near as bad as you feel. Or particularly bad at all. The head will probably put this down to bad luck and a slightly unfortunate part of their job. A small gift for the head would be nice and I’m sure super appreciated. I wouldn’t feel you needed to get something for the other parents.

Bullshit. I use google maps regularly to get the quickest route and it often tries to send me to the roads, which I know for fact are closed for planned maintenance. It happened several times on a motorway when the road ahead was completely closed and all the cars were directed to leave at a junction. Instead of changing the route, the fucker kept telling me to rejoin the motorway till I drove quite far away from it.
It is ok when there are diversion signs, but I was on a motorway in Germany where they just closed it ahead with zero signs. We kept driving round in circles for ages before figuring out were to go.
So don’t be upset OP, it does happen and it was not your fault that you were late.

Oh op I can sympathise, I’m hopeless with anything like that. My ds just reminded me about taking him to an event a couple of years ago. I got so stressed and confused trying to follow the satnav through a packed city centre, I ended up driving down a pedestrianised road and getting completely stuck at one point!!
I honestly just wanted to abandon the car, get a taxi home and buy a new one!! 😫🫣🥴
We do laugh about it now.
My sister once got so lost and worked up in a diversion in a strange city that she completely gave up and booked a hotel where she was lost…they did make it to their destination the next day.
it sounds like the diversion was a complete nightmare and not your fault.
It feels raw now but he still had his prom, get the HT a decent bottle of wine and explain…you will all see the funny side eventually, I promise!

Wow @lostanduseless do you beat yourself up that much a lot for making a very human mistake. Other people didn’t make that mistake yesterday but being human every single one of them made many others. You have some wildly unrealistic expectations of yourself there and the way you speak about yourself is really damaging. You sound like a very concerned dedicated mother who tried her absolute best and it didn’t work out so someone else stepped in, also admirable. Go easier on yourself you really do not deserve this. X

OP you need to get a mount and use Apple / Google maps or waze - they respond in real time and other users can input diversions etc.

What you’re using the actual app and it’s doing that? Funny how other people don’t have that problem 🤔

Ugh the same thing happened to me last year in a town almost 3 hours away that I had never been to before. It was dark and the middle of winter and my car sat nav and google maps kept bringing me back to the road closure!!! I drove around 3 times only to end up back at the same spot every time it was so frustrating. In the end I saw a car do a U turn at the closure and decided to follow it and hope for the best that they were going an alternative route that would lead me to where I needed to be 😂.

You didn’t ruin his prom he will get over it.

Gently you are hideously over reacting. Say a big thank to the head, and move on.

Come on, just own it and lighten up. Think about all of the other things you have done/can do. You didn’t manage it, so what. It could have been so much worse, if this had happened on the way there and they all missed the prom.

Don’t beat yourself up.

I struggle with visual processing and this sort of thing would be what I struggled with despite a sat nav. If a diversion is sending you a way that’s wrong and you can’t work out how to get back to the right road in the dark you aren’t stupid.

Hopefully your DS will realise that this is real life free. He’ll have his own times in the future where things don’t go to plan and you’d be better off teaching him resilience than letting him think that makes you a failure.

If your DS is giving you a hard time about this today, having had time for the embarrassment to fade, he is the problem, not you. Do not accept any shit behaviour regarding this. You did not ruin the prom. You were doing a favour for his friends and their parents. People make mistakes and struggle sometimes,in all sorts of situations. Chocs for the 2 teachers. Stop apologising. Move on. Consider why you are so hard on yourself. -Is it low self esteem? Are you under a lot of stress? Are you judged/ subject to criticism a lot and it has impacted negatively on your self esteem? If so learn to stick up for yourself and put things into perspective.
If it makes you feel any better, I was 90 mins late getting home a few months ago, for the same reason. I drive through the same city every week. Driving in the dark doesn't help 🤷 The other parents may have negotiated the diversion previously, and had that advantage.

Get something for the teachers but no need for the parents. Maybe just text an apology. But honestly give yoursekf a break. This happened to me a couple of weeks ago: satnav kept sending me back to the closed road and I was heading to a tournament for child’s sport. It was really stressful. But honestly, these kids and teacher are fine now. Honestly abd truly please give yoursekf a break! You are not an idiot. You probably just started to panic and then maybe couldn’t think properly aby more

The other week Google maps was telling me and ds the motorway we were driving on was closed 🤦🏼‍♀️ - it happens!

I totally would have done this and got in the level of stress about it you did. BUT as others have said, actually everything is OK because they had a great prom and got home safely and everyone will laugh about it after (I have a few stories up my sleeve like this as it happens to me a lot -- yes, I have dyspraxia!).

Please stop beating yourself up. Sounds like part of a bigger challenge of how you talk to yourself and that's the bit that needs a bit of work.

And yes, the headteacher would appreciate a card and a small box chocs or similar to say thank you and sorry, but that's it.