Ruined ds's prom

[lostanduseless]

Went to pick up him and friends and there was a hideous diversion. I just couldn't do it. Drove round and round for an hour until his headteacher gave up and drove them home. Could hear friends getting frustrated, understandably, while on the phone to him.

I feel to stupid and useless. I drive loads but every other parent managed to work it out except me. Poor ds. Poor teachers. Poor other parents. What a twat.

You are massively overreacting. Transport issues are a fact of life which your son needs to learn to deal with. At least he got there.

Diversion signs in this country are an absolutely joke, I’ve been sent in circles ma y times before. Poor you.

I doubt you ruined it.
I am sure he had a great time at the actual prom.
One day he will do something that lets others see he is human too, in fact I am sure he has already and you were very understanding.

I also initially thought they hadn’t got there.

This is really nothing, op. Definitely don’t get the other parents a gift- I’d be mortified if you did this for me. It’s a complete non issue.

Are you generally anxious about things like this?

Google maps just as a map, not a navigation guide. Old fashioned map reading!

I feel for you OP. We spent over 2 hours trying to get out of London after a festival recently - poor DH was getting really stressed. There were so many road closures & the Sat Nav just couldn’t allow for them all. Please try not to beat yourself up. You did your best & as op’s have said, your DS didn’t miss anything.

I understand how you feel completely - I become a very nervous driver when I’m away from where I know and in the dark doubly so. I panic and flap. And then feel wretched for doing so.

But - everyone got home safely and they had fun. A minor inconvenience for parents and you’re getting gifts for the staff involved. That’s great. It’ll be forgotten in no time.

So all I would suggest is to be kind to yourself, and then to calmly consider what you could do if it came up again. Maybe try google maps instead of satnav (I don’t have a satnav so only use google maps which I think does adjust when you change roads). Or maybe think about an emergency fund for cabs for your son.

But it’s all fine, really.

SatNavs are pants, as they're not real time enough. Google Maps all the way!!

That said, the event you're describing is hilarious, rather than too awful. I thought you were going to say you barrelled in there halfway through to tell him off in front of everyone. Or said something rude to his date so they fell out or something...

@lostanduseless I know it's a bit late now, but if you don't already, I would suggest you use Waze. It's so much better than Google maps.

Oh OP… I feel for you. Not because you couldn’t get to the venue - as you can see in this thread, many have similar stories, but because you have no resilience for not being “perfect”. I can’t imagine this is a one off for you. It’s taken me years to realise I don’t have to be “perfect” and no one gives a shit, but honestly, they don’t. Do you judge other people in the same way you judge yourself? Are you allowed to get things wrong?

It has helped me to realise that this unhealthy anxiety-laden rumination was not only damaging but totally self-centred. Now I focus more on getting outside of my head and engaging with the world. Shame doesn’t help anyone and rumination is for cows.

You’re feeling shame sweetheart, it’s so horrible it’s an almost unbearable feeling! But you didn’t mean to do anything wrong so it’s misplaced. Your first task is to just stop beating yourself up, it doesn’t actually make anyone else feel better or fix anything. Forgive yourself for making a mistake, nurse yourself through this horrible, big feeling and then hopefully you will have space to talk to DS about his night and let the conversation be about him, what fun he had, but it feels like to be at the end of school now

Were the kids you were picking up complaining about you being late in your earshot? What ungrateful individuals.

@lostanduseless don’t fret.
My dsis went on a school trip to Germany.
Dp’s got her return date wrong and didn’t pick her up from the school ( which was 15 miles away). It was 11pm when a teacher knocked on our door with my very embarrassed dsis.
This was in the early 70’s.

Don’t catastrophise, he was not stood there dripping in pig blood eyes bulging like Carrie
He had a great night and the HT was the taxi home
You had a mishap with the journey, not your fault, unfortunately and unforeseen

Say thanks to the HT , get HT some tea bags and biscuits for staff room. Job done

Hating your self and feeling sick is a bit of an overreaction for getting a bit lost on the way home. Nothing has been ruined.

Honestly, it’s pretty amusing. It’s fine.

I also can’t do road diversions. I was once trying to drive from North Wales to Manchester. Part of the M62 was shut so I followed the diversion off. I couldn’t work out how to get back on. I ended up going under the sea to get to Liverpool and then driving from Liverpool to Manchester. It took me about 3 hours to do a 1.5 hour journey.

Just email the headteacher thanking him! All that needs to be done.

Get something for the parents? When you were the one volunteering to fetch and carry? No. Absolutely fucking not. You’ve not done anything ‘wrong’. Honestly!

Is your son saying you ruined his Prom? I very much doubt it. He had a slightly frustrating time afterwards, that's all. I can't imagine anyone cares about this as much as you do, go easy on yourself. You're not doing any good dwelling on it and your son's prom wasn't ruined.

This is the exact thing I would do. A sign would say Road Ahead Shut and to follow a diversion. I follow the signs to the letter and yet my DH would say ‘Ahhh fuck it, we’ll just go down the shut road, it’ll be fine’. 9 times out of ten he’s right.

Just get the flowers for the teachers and say ‘Thanks so much! So sorry you had to stay late, I’ve been scratching my head and still can’t figure out where I was supposed to go, everyone else managed it so it’s just me that’s a Wally! Ha ha!

Sometimes it’s best to own it and laugh it off. But I feel for you, this is the sort of thing I would do. I could tell you at least ten embarrassing stories of getting lost and fucking things up. One from twenty years ago that still makes me cringe. But the person I was with can’t remember any of it, so don’t worry. The things you worry about, don’t necessarily stress other people.

Erm...it's annoying to have to stay later in your job than you'd otherwise have to? They did troubleshoot it eventually but even ringing a taxi wouldn't be done straight away. And with who's money? It would still have been annoying. Not infuriating. Not that deep. Just a bit annoying, which isn't the end of the world.

chill OP. satnav once took me through a piece of woodland that was being built on so it was genuiinely actually a building site too. Thinking about it afterwards, the amazement on the workmen's faces was hilarious but at the time it was pretty scary. Honestly I do think you are overreacting a bit but a gift for the person who brought them home and an apology to the other parents sounds right to me. You kept them informed and the kids were safe which is the important bit.

It's very poor at handling diversions - they are not electronic

You need to buy yourself some chocolates and whiskey. And then stop being so horrible to yourself.

You didn't ruin his prom, he went, he had fun and he now has a story (The Night Mum Abandoned Me At School) that he can tell for the rest of his life
That headteacher deserves a BIG box of choccies and a thank you card from you, and a smaller one from your son
Ignore twats trying to blame you for not using satnav or google maps - they are even more shit at dealing with last minute diversions than you feel at the moment
Nothing about this is your fault

Kids should have apps on their phones for such eventualities including payment methods. Teachers shouldnt stand round twiddling their thumbs for an hour wondering what to do then end up taking them themselves.

Unless you live in the Outer Hebrides taxis are pretty quick and easy transport methods to use.

'Dc I'm stuck in a diversion tell the teachers you are organising a taxi' should have been enough for the HT.