Best friend who ghosted me 5 years ago just got in touch….

[SeeItSayItShutIt]

And I’m not sure how to feel (have name changed)

5 years ago, my best friend for decades, just stopped returning my calls. I posted about it on here under another name because it was so out of character that at first I thought he might have died or been in hospital unconscious! We were the type of friends who spoke every week and had done for probably 25/30 years (we are in our 50s, met at university).

People were split between not constantly reaching out and reaching out - I gave it one more go after a few weeks and he picked up the phone, heard my voice and hung up. I assumed it was something I had done (though I genuinely couldn’t figure it out) and that was that.

Im not going to lie, it has been painful missing him. I’m not on social media but we are both on LinkedIn and connected. He posts every few months. I had got over it now but always wondered what went on.

He reached out today to apologise and wants to meet. I can tell that he’s lost his job and I suspect he’s in a difficult place. The cynic in me says he’s only reaching out now because he needs something.

WWYD in my shoes. My heart wants to run towards him and welcome him back. My head says don’t you’ll get hurt again.

Go. Meet. More to gain than lose.

I would say no.

I don't give people 2 chances to hurt me.

This would be a definite NO from me…

don’t let him use you.

I'd meet to gain closure but I would probably keep him at arms length moving forwards.

I'd find it hard to trust after being ghosted...you don't do that to a good friend.

Hard agree. In life you get out what you put in and for whatever reason he's decided he doesn't value you. So he loses the choice now.

I had a friend who ghosted me. A few years later she wanted to meet up. I thought, well, I'll give her a chance. Turned out she thought I could help her in her career.

@DuesToTheDirtI’m so sorry to hear that. Must have been v painful! Why are people such shits.

He hurt you, you've moved on from it, and this friendship is now in the past.

Were I in your shoes I'd leave it there, OP. The phrase 'let sleeping dogs lie' became a cliche for a reason.

I would go, to see if he explained his behaviour, you can always walk away if he a) doesn't apologise and explain and b) want a something from you.
At least you will know.

This has happened to me too. There's no way I would ever want to see my former friend again.

Respond in 5 years time.

No , he wants something - probably a loan. Avoid and block him. It’s over.

I’d go, but if there wasn’t one hell if an apology and explanation within the first two mins, I’d be off after giving him a piece of my mind.

He's only 'reaching out' (ie, remembered you exist) because he's lost his job and wants something from you: Money.

Probably through getting him a job where you can make whatever led to him losing his job be ignored/overlooked/lied about, could be hard cash, but you know he's only sniffing about for what he can get out of you because he thinks you're a mug who will be so grateful for his attention, you'll just hand it over and he can ghost you again as soon as he's got what he can out of you.

I have a friend that did this to me and a few others. She remerged a few years later and she had actually been really unwell, with a long period in a psychiatric hospital. I think you never know what’s going on in a person’s life and so I would him what your friend has to say.

When you were friends, did he have form for being flakey or for being a user?

I wouldn't meet him but I'd tell him exactly why. Point out you rang and he hung up as soon as he heard your voice. Then I'd block him. Lot's of people will say don't bother and silence is the strongest message but I can't bear fuckers like that getting away with thinking they've done nothing wrong. So I'd say thanks but no thanks, this is why, and bye bye.

I would agree to meet but be very cautious about it. Somewhere I could just pay and go easily. Don't go anywhere where you'll have to share a bill.

I would meet him but hold him at arm‘s length. Under no circumstances offer him help unless you can emotionally bear it. You owe him nothing, not even your time. Giving your time is more than enough. He has hurt you. Don’t allow him to do it again. Good luck!

I have been in the position of being ghosted by a best friend and if she reached out now I'd ghost her right back. It was painful and undeserved (like yours seems to be) and IMO deserves nothing better in return.

Oh, yeah, and during our meetup she had the cheek to say, "How did we lose touch, I don't remember?" I remembered very well - she had stopped answering my calls, and then one time she picked up the phone, said, "Oh, I'm busy, I'll call you in half an hour," and I didn't hear from her for a few years after that!

Hm, I would first of all ask him why he disappeared as I would want to know that before putting myself out to meet up with someone off the bat, who had ghosted me for 5 years.
Unless you totally believe his reason I don’t think it’s worth meeting him as you already suspect he’s just using you, and you’ll never trust him properly again.

He wants you to find him a job

What a frickin chancer

I agree with this.