Best friend who ghosted me 5 years ago just got in touch….

[SeeItSayItShutIt]

And I’m not sure how to feel (have name changed)

5 years ago, my best friend for decades, just stopped returning my calls. I posted about it on here under another name because it was so out of character that at first I thought he might have died or been in hospital unconscious! We were the type of friends who spoke every week and had done for probably 25/30 years (we are in our 50s, met at university).

People were split between not constantly reaching out and reaching out - I gave it one more go after a few weeks and he picked up the phone, heard my voice and hung up. I assumed it was something I had done (though I genuinely couldn’t figure it out) and that was that.

Im not going to lie, it has been painful missing him. I’m not on social media but we are both on LinkedIn and connected. He posts every few months. I had got over it now but always wondered what went on.

He reached out today to apologise and wants to meet. I can tell that he’s lost his job and I suspect he’s in a difficult place. The cynic in me says he’s only reaching out now because he needs something.

WWYD in my shoes. My heart wants to run towards him and welcome him back. My head says don’t you’ll get hurt again.

I had this happen.

When they got black in touch everyone i asked said what have you got to lose... Go see... blah blah...

No real explanation bit normal service resumed.
I was sucked back in by how normal everything was and then i was ghosted. Again!!!!
I felt like such an absolute idiot

I wouldn’t. If he’s done it once, he’ll likely do it again.

I’m afraid I’d be telling him that if he couldn’t be adult enough to tell you why he ghosted you, or what he perceived you had done wrong, then he doesn’t deserve your time or forgiveness 5 years later. He doesn’t get to call the shots.
Id be telling him what I thought of him and then blocking his number.

This. I dont know why people think this bloke will give the OP a genuine reason anyway- it'll likely all be lame excuses and "poor me" boo hoo crap. Personally, I think it's verging on sociopathic to hang up on a friend with no genuine reason and block them out of your life. It shows a complete lack of care or empathy for another human being and I am not sure why anyone would be keen to invite such a person back into their lives so they can treat them like dog shit yet again (which is highly likely he will).

It sounds like he wants something. It also sounds like he could possibly have some issues with trust/thinking the worst of people. He didn't afford you the courtesy of letting you know what the issue was and had obviously assumed the worst of you, despite your long friendship. I would meet to heat him out, out of curiosity, but would be very wary of his intent and ensure that he's not just using you because he needs something and has burned all his other bridges.

He has gone about reconnecting with you in the right way - leading with an apology and asking to meet, presumably when an explanation will ensue.
So I think you have made the right choice to hear him out

Hanging up on you is inexcusable. You said yourself your friend is prone to drama, do you reallyneed that shit back in your life. I wouldn't meet him in person. I'd call him up and ask him what happened. The friendship how it was is dead on the water anyway.put yourself first

Well, whatever he's been going through he has still managed to post on LinkedIn every few months for the benefit of people who are work colleagues and acquaintances, not lifelong friends.
I don't think I could get past him hearing your voice and hanging up. That must have stung.
I'd give it a bit of time and see how you feel then.

In similar circumstances - and it was only three months but the circumstances were painful and embarrassing - I ignored the friend.

Personally I would go, but I'd go with very clear expectations of what YOU want to get out of it. If it were me I'd want to get an explanation for why they disappeared for so long and I'd probably also want to let them know the effect that had on me. How they respond to that would determine what happens next but ultimately the ball is in your court here. You can go and hear them out and maybe get your closure and decide to never see them again. Or you strike up a very tentative friendship understanding it will never ever be what it was. It really depends on whether or not you want/ need to meet him to get answers I guess.

I don't think there's a right or a wrong answer. I would also say forgive if you want, but don't forget.

The new girlfriend insisting he drop you seems to make most sense (how many times have we heard on here, a woman say that their partner's close friendship with another woman makes them feel uncomfortable?) - it explains why he hung up the phone, if she was there at the time. Whether or not you feel that's a good enough reason, is up to you (was she abusive or just asking him to drop you).

Don't turn up.

But you are probably a lovely individual without a streak of revenge in you.

I'm not. I was once bitten, twice shy and that's what I did. It felt bloody marvellous.

I would go just to be curious and find out what his motives were in cutting me out……..I’d listen intently……..and then bid him goodbye and walk away regardless.

hes after something

I could deal with someone ending a friendship because their partner 'demanded' they did. But I would have wanted to be told they couldn't see me anymore. If they couldn't be honest, and brave about it, and say that was the truth then what's the point?
Of course it could be something more dull and mundane. I guess you need to know, but whether you can be sure it's the truth is open to debate.
Good luck. But really you've been over them for some time.

The whole " ghosting " thing absolutely stinks. Hateful

I would need to know what happened. I would meet up and then it’s up to you how you continue.

I had this, and then she ended up ghosting me again a few years later, and I ended up being confused and hurt all over again. Won’t be making that mistake again.

Yes the bit that REALLY fucked me off was i was fully intending to just ignore her and then multiple people told me i should meet up "oh you should give her a chance, you dont know what happened...maybe she had a breakdown...maybe her mum died, maybe her cat stole her mobile phone and got hit by a bus killing the cat and destroying the phone so she couldn't call you."

It still annoys me now...

I would meet because I’d be too curious not to. Then I’d cut him out of my life.

I think curiosity would get the better of me & I'd need an explanation.
At least if you meet, you'll know.

People were split between not constantly reaching out and reaching out - I gave it one more go after a few weeks and he picked up the phone, heard my voice and hung up

If it was just a question of him ghosting you, I'd probably go and at least hear what he has to say. But this ⬆️⬆️⬆️ is a bit much.

I would have to go to try to find out what the reason was for his withdrawal in the first place. It would give some kind of closure to hear the reason even if it's a bullshit reason.

But I wouldn't give him another chance unless (very unlikely) the reason actually did make some kind of sense to me.

It probably wouldn't so I would just walk away after the meeting and then cut contact myself this time. Make it a quick drink so you can hear him out then leave without wasting much time.

Yes, and I sort of understood. We did address it, we didn’t just skirt around and that was important. We both apologised for our respective parts. I just wish we’d done it at the time.

I'd ask him to email you an explanation, a thorough one, before you can risk seeing him again and let him in your life as it hurt to be dropped so suddenly. If he cant do that then I'd not meet.