Best friend who ghosted me 5 years ago just got in touch….

[SeeItSayItShutIt]

And I’m not sure how to feel (have name changed)

5 years ago, my best friend for decades, just stopped returning my calls. I posted about it on here under another name because it was so out of character that at first I thought he might have died or been in hospital unconscious! We were the type of friends who spoke every week and had done for probably 25/30 years (we are in our 50s, met at university).

People were split between not constantly reaching out and reaching out - I gave it one more go after a few weeks and he picked up the phone, heard my voice and hung up. I assumed it was something I had done (though I genuinely couldn’t figure it out) and that was that.

Im not going to lie, it has been painful missing him. I’m not on social media but we are both on LinkedIn and connected. He posts every few months. I had got over it now but always wondered what went on.

He reached out today to apologise and wants to meet. I can tell that he’s lost his job and I suspect he’s in a difficult place. The cynic in me says he’s only reaching out now because he needs something.

WWYD in my shoes. My heart wants to run towards him and welcome him back. My head says don’t you’ll get hurt again.

To get closure? Closure about what? Being an asshole?
Some of you on this thread are remarkably naive/forgiving.

Thanks all. It’s useful to hear everyone’s views!

@Bellyblueboyhard to explain but I like a quiet life. Never been one of those people attracted to bad boys (loads of my friends were). The more boring the better for me 😂.

@SwedishEdithgood question - he had a girlfriend he had been seeing for about 6 months when this happened. We had met a few times as a foursome (with my partner). One thing that did cross my mind is that she insisted he end the friendship. I would like to think that he wouldn’t allow that but it is definitely possible.

I was in a similar situation a few years back. I went to see if she'd apologise/explain. She didn't, she acted like nothing had happened and I'd seen her yesterday. I never spoke to her again. If I were you, I'd go out of curiosity but have your guard up and be prepared to walk away for good if you don't get what you want out of the conversation.

OP you have no idea why this person acted in the way they did.
Hear him out his reasons might surprise, might make sense or might not but at least you can make a decision as to whether you want him back in your life based on his explanation.
Good luck OP

WWYD in my shoes. My heart wants to run towards him and welcome him back. My head says don’t you’ll get hurt again.

Don't go, listen to your head (I know you've already said you'll meet up, you don't have to go). It bothers me that your heart is reacting quite so strongly, it makes you vulnerable to whatever sob story he tries to pull on you.

At least keep in your head that memory of him hanging up when he heard your voice. And use the time between now and the meeting - if you still go - to harden your heart. Feeling all fluffy wuffy that he's reappeared won't serve you well here.

This totally.
Your friend could have suffered a breakdown.

Don’t pay for the cake when you get there! #CancelTheCheque

I’d put money on it being his girlfriend telling him to end the friendship. If he just didn’t need you as he was doing well, it would have been a more gradual thing. Presumably now the gf has dumped him that’s why he’s come crawling back.

Beware the non-apology when you meet up; one that comes with sooooo many excuses that it cancels out any genuine meaning to the apology.

It it were me I would want some answers! But that’s the only reason I would meet, then I wouldn’t speak to them again because a real friend doesn’t do that x

I don't think it's naivety, it's nosiness in a way. I'd want to hear what they had to say but completely with my guard up.

I couldn't not go and find out what he has to say.
My advice would be let him do the talking and keep expectations low!

I bet you will go. But please take care.

I was ghosted. It was very painful and you feel powerless. It's such an awful thing to do to someone.

Go and get answers. If there's a vibe of you being used then say that out loud to him . So many ppl don't get the chance to get the closure or answers they need. Youve been given that chance.

Sorry @SeeItSayItShutIt but I have to say that I would not be bothering with someone who had ghosted me as far back as 5 years ago. Maybe 8-10 months or so I could accept, but no-one has any excuse for not being in touch for 5 years. I would just delete and block.

This for sure

I think it would be good to know why and then you can decide if it’s a good enough reason for you

protect yourself always

@Thejugglestruggle yes same here. I hope you get some answers @SeeItSayItShutIt I hope you don’t think it’s inappropriate but can you come back after your meet-up OP and let us know what he said? My mind is boggling at the reasons he went MIA for five years. Or you can just tell me to mind my own business 😂.

I'd hear him out. Five years ago was 2020 and a lot of people went a little strange in the pandemic.

I’ve been ghosted by a friend of nearly 30 yrs. It’s incredibly hurtful and not a chance in hell I’d let her do it to me twice! I know she’s okay as we have mutual friends who are as baffled as I am. Having got over it, I’d say let sleeping dogs lie!

I'd definitely find out more information, he may have had a breakdown or a multitude of things ... everyone deserves a chance IMO

I went through a similar thing with a dearly loved friend and we had no contact for about six years, and I missed her terribly. She contacted me about 10 years ago now and we met up, and we have an excellent relationship now. Like you I was in two minds, but I’m so glad I took that leap of faith.

If you go to meet him - make sure you have an appointment 2 hours later so arrange something - that way you’ll be giving yourself a definite buffer and time to think

Good luck with the meet up, OP. I would have wanted a brief text explanation first (long covid/jealous GF/kidnapped by pirates) and you can still ask for that if you want.

I would meet, even if it’s just for closure. I had a similar scenario (best friend ghosted me for 2 years). She reached out and we met up but to be honest things were never the same and we have since drifted apart again, although on better terms. I’m glad that I saw her again, even if we’re no longer close - if I hadn’t I would’ve been questioning the what ifs for the rest of my days.

Did she explain why?