Best friend who ghosted me 5 years ago just got in touch….

[SeeItSayItShutIt]

And I’m not sure how to feel (have name changed)

5 years ago, my best friend for decades, just stopped returning my calls. I posted about it on here under another name because it was so out of character that at first I thought he might have died or been in hospital unconscious! We were the type of friends who spoke every week and had done for probably 25/30 years (we are in our 50s, met at university).

People were split between not constantly reaching out and reaching out - I gave it one more go after a few weeks and he picked up the phone, heard my voice and hung up. I assumed it was something I had done (though I genuinely couldn’t figure it out) and that was that.

Im not going to lie, it has been painful missing him. I’m not on social media but we are both on LinkedIn and connected. He posts every few months. I had got over it now but always wondered what went on.

He reached out today to apologise and wants to meet. I can tell that he’s lost his job and I suspect he’s in a difficult place. The cynic in me says he’s only reaching out now because he needs something.

WWYD in my shoes. My heart wants to run towards him and welcome him back. My head says don’t you’ll get hurt again.

Why would anyone do this? What’s the thought process?

This is the kind of person who you’d have been right to ghost 😂

And what about the person who has been rejected, do their feelings not matter?

I had a breakdown when I was 39, was very ill and took a long time to recover. Not been the same since really.

But I am very aware of how this affected those closest to me. Now, almost 15 years later, I dont ask for forgiveness because that implies I had a choice in what happened. However, I do forgive and understand their often negative reactions to my behaviour then, as what I went through probably affected them more than it did me.

I had medication, professional help, people to talk to. They had nothing and no one except each other and they didnt understand my illness or how and why it affected me. Even now they dont really, although they have tried to. But I do understand what I put them through.

I couldnt help being ill, but equally they couldnt help their lack of understandinng about it. They had no experience of it and didnt know how to handle it. Their feelings over it are just as valid as mine.

Plan a meet up and don’t show or answer any phone calls from him ever again

Or……….read the thread?

I have a friend who ghosted me 10 years ago. Still no idea why. I always thought if she got back in touch I would be happy, she popped up on my instagram suggestions and I looked at her photo and was like, actually no what you did was really horrible. No way would I give her another chance.

but your friend isn't well, and needs contact and normality
No pressure, no recriminations, just your presence to give as much or as little as he needs to heal

OP isnt his care worker - she hasnt even seen him for 5 years.

Its ridiculous to expect OP to now drop everything to be at his beck and call to give "as little or as much as he needs" - the OP has her own life to live and probably has responsibilities of her own to deal with, as we all do. The OP may well have stress of her own to cope with.

It's good she has an explanation now and she can of course decide what she wants to do next with this info for her friend but to imply she has to jump every time he needs her now is frankly, ridiculous. Whether you like it or not, an absence of 5 years changes the dynamic - people move on, they develop other relationships. It's not about being unkind, it's simply a natural consequence of 5 years of no contact.