What's wrong with sleepovers?

[PeatandDieselfan]

Accidentally watched a reel on Facebook the other day with an "influencer mommy" holding her PFB and boasting about all the things her baby will not be allowed to do over the next couple of decades, which included sleepovers (cue left-right wagging of perfectly manicured finger.) I didn't understand what she was on about, and obviously dismissed it as nonsense and gave my head a little wobble for even losing time to watching said nonsense, and went about my day.

Since then, I have noticed a few mentions on here of people not allowing their children to have sleepovers, or not before secondary school. I am genuinely interested why? Because, in my experience, sleepovers are a huge thrill for 6-11 year olds, mine loved it at that age, but now they teenagers/almost teenagers sleepovers aren't really "a thing" any more - they do different things with friends.

So why are parents anti-sleepover? I mean, I know it can be a pain to host them (sometimes) and kids are like zombies the next day, but they have a lot of fun, and it's a pretty short phase in the greater scheme of things, so why not? If it's a safeguarding thing, surely you could just have a rule about only with friends where you already know the parents/ have had a few successful playdates first, rather than a blanket (see what I did there!) ban?

That’s so awful. And for it to be covered up is mind blowing. Hope your sister is doing okay.

that’s like saying I don’t use cycle helmets because I can swim so don’t need a buoyancy aid.

No it's not, it's like saying I let my dc go on trampoline but not horse riding as I don't want them to injure themselves.

Agreed.

Unfortunately our children can come to harm anywhere, sports club, church activities, even at school.
If you don't allow sleepovers do you also say no to these things? Genuine question because I'd say a sports coach for example would have far more opportunity to groom and abuse a child then someone's parent they don't know that well.
My children had sleepovers from the age of about 7. My teenagers are too "old" for them now at 16 and 18. I will not allow 4 year old to sleepover though. He's non verbal and autistic so I would say he's at greater risk than the average child (and I don't allow any extra curriculum activities either).

There literally are paedophiles on every street though. I don’t think being aware that these men are plentiful means anyone is ‘obsessed’, that said I am/was obsessed with keeping my children safe so sleepovers were a no for mine. I am also aware that children are mostly abused by men they know and I was absolutely vigilant in who had access to them. I know a lot of people think this is overkill but it kept them from having to go through the horror of abuse.

Nothing is wrong with sleepovers.

No sleepovers here too. I understand it’s more likely a family member but why wouldn’t I mitigate any risk I can?
I was abused, by a stranger who befriended me. I was always abused by a band leader and my grandad. My parents knew were predators. They allowed me to be alone with them.
I do everything I can to ensure my children are not left alone with any man other than my husband. Maybe that’s paranoia but we all parent from our experiences and so many women and girls and some boys and men too, have been abused. It’s not all men, but it’s more than you think.

We wouldn’t ever go outside because of all the dangers either. Or leave kids with a sitter or let them walk to school alone. It’s an individual choice.

Exactly, I get cabs & public transport which both can be risky. My dc walk home to & from school as I did which again can be dangerous.
I am more concerned about leaving them at home alone & am often quite surprised at the age MNs do that. I've allowed local scout & guide sleepovers but not trips yet as to me that's higher risk than my good friends or family.

In a recent study it was found that 1 in 6 men have sexual interest in children.

why wouldn’t I mitigate any risk I can?

@Chipsahoy but what does mitigating any risk mean? How can you reduce all risk?

My oldest does rugby but he’s never alone with a sports coach. I have always tried to limit any opportunity someone might have to hurt my children, I can’t do all, but a sleepover is an easy one to prevent.

My auntie‘s husband is a convicted paedophile who has access to the grandchildren more specifically the non-biological grandchildren
Who are in the most danger I believe
Because the mother has no choice but to allow sleepovers due to her work commitments and she’s being forced into that position by everyone around her
It’s bloody tragic and we can only hope that the paedophile has outgrown his urges or is being watched incredibly closely

The children’s mother allows them to be with a convicted paedophile so she can go to work?

I hope I misread that

@Profpudding what about social services?

I think the one word answer here is - men

My son is 6 and won’t be having them until he’s a teen, has his own phone to contact me whenever he wants to.

Im happy for him to have them earlier at our home but also understand his friends parents may feel the same way as me, so won’t allow it.

Not really a wonder so many children are anxious messes, hyper vigilance isnt a balanced approach yet invariably its the usual reaction to lots of things now.

That’s my point, I mitigate the risks I can, I can’t do all. I can’t control them and stop them living their lives but some things are a no brainier to me when they were small. My oldest two are practically grown up now and have choice in a way their 7 yr old brother doesn’t yet. We have had many conversations about abuse and consent and grooming.

I do let them go, once secondary age. But I worry about carbon monoxide / fire.

@Chipsahoy so you don't mitigate any risk you can, just some. That makes more sense!

There's this as well. Slightly hypocritically, I would allow sleepovers at our house but would be reluctant to let my children go elsewhere. If their friends' parents are less anxious and want a night off without children, I'll be happy to provide that and look after their kids for them.

@vinavine I think your claim about nurseries would not stand up to scrutiny, and you are just repeating an argument that is nonsensical as I have said. If you believe your child is actually safer in someone else’s home than their own then that’s a bit of a problem isn’t it?

It’s not worth the risk for possible life changing consequences.

We did sleepovers at our house.

yes the kids love them. Adults not so much, especially the next day when the kids are so tired and grumpy they resemble demons. I still remember getting my two to church the morning after a sleepover because they were meant to be doing a little play in front of the congregation and they were literally falling asleep. Never did a sleepover before family service again!

they did sleepovers at three friend’s houses all of whom I knew very well.

They are not 'on every street'. That is a gross exaggeration. Obviously, any paedophile is one too many, but paedophilia is a very severe paraphilia, it is not a common affliction.

I don't believe that figure whatsoever. Can you link to this study, please?