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Original poster

How can we stop our 12yo sleeping on our floor??

458 replies

Jones3A · 14/05/2025 23:42

Fucking broken with exhaustion and struggling not to just get really mad even though we know that's not going to work.
DS is prone to phases of anxiety around security/clinginess.
Currently 4 weeks into overnight wake ups where he marches into our room with his pillow and sleeps on the floor.
Any gentle / patient attempt to get him to try to resettle in his own bed rapidly spirals, he gets hysterical and we end up getting angry.
He won't even begin to try. Not to read, not to listen to quiet music, not to have us resettle him, nothing. He goes wild.
How the hell are we going to break this pattern?
We are both under a lot of work stress and the nightly drama is making it so much worse.
Any advice gladly received. I know we're making a shit job of this. In the wee hours I'm not in the best head space to handle it.

OP posts:
xmasdealhunter · 14/05/2025 23:45

Honestly, I'd leave him to it, but I'd be telling him that if he wants to sleep on the floor he needs to come in quietly and shut the door softly so that you're not woken. He'll likely grow out of it but it's clearly making him feel safe now.

Middleagedstriker · 14/05/2025 23:46

Why is he wanting to do this? Has it come out the blue? Is he ok at school? What does he like doing in the day? How is he with friends? Is he more receptive in the day? Does he usually do what is asked of him? What happens when you say no to stuff during the day?
S

HateThese4Leggedbeasts · 14/05/2025 23:46

Yes I'd leave him to it as well.

If you do want to make a change you actually need to agree a plan in the day time with him.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

12 year olds Families
LoafofSellotape · 14/05/2025 23:47

He's anxious,he needs you, let him sleep on your floor,he won't be sleeping there until he's 20. Just stress to him that he must be quiet and not wake you.

EconomyClassRockstar · 14/05/2025 23:48

I'd also leave him to it and tell him beforehand that the deal is if he needs to come in, he doesn't get to wake you up in the process. And then, I'd get to the bottom of what's wrong.

LoafofSellotape · 14/05/2025 23:49

Don'take it into a drama, just let him sleep where he feels secure. Try and get to the bottom of why he feels so insecure.

Ellephanting · 14/05/2025 23:49

I completely agree to just go with this for now. Before long, he will be a teenager and then he wouldn’t be seen dead sleeping in his parent’s bedroom.

WinterFoxes · 14/05/2025 23:51

This might sound like rubbish advice, but there is a logic to it. I'd go with it and give him what he wants. The more you resist it, the more he will feel anxiety around it.

I'd set up an inflatable mattress on the floor near your bed, with a duvet and very low night light that won't disturb your sleep. Tell him he is welcome to creep in and sleep in your room whenever he wants but because you have to work, and because sleep deprivation is really dangerous in adults who have to drive or have responsibilities, then the rule is not to wake you. I'd even allow a bit of temporary babying - add a soft toy and say it's there to remind him you love him and he's welcome to be there, even if you are still asleep. Make it clear it's not his presence you object to but the impact of the sleep deprivation If he does wake you, just say in a very slurred, sleepy voice 'Snuggle down' and don't enter any conversation.

My guess is it will pass once he is reassured. 12 is such a weird age when they feel as if they ought to start being adult-like or teen-like but part of them wants to return to the safety of childhood. A bit of regression is common at that age.

I might (in the daytime!) do some gentle chatting to discover if he is having any issues at school with friends or being teased or picked on by pupils or teachers, or if something else is worrying him. If not, it's probably just the transition from childhood, and it will pass.

BarleyMcGrew · 14/05/2025 23:52

OP, you are asking such a self absorbed question.

stop saying how can this improve FOR ME and start asking how it can improve for him. And yes, leave him to do it if he needs it while you have a serious word with yourself.

LostMySocks · 14/05/2025 23:54

Have a firm discussion that he is waking you up and that you need sleep. Reassure him that he can come in but that he needs to be quiet.
Is he having nightmares or does he just have a vivid imagination?
DS prefers to talk about feelings when he is in bed with the light off.

TeenLifeMum · 14/05/2025 23:56

Why wouldn’t you just let him? I’d get an ikea foam mattress and pop it down as my concern would be his comfort. He needs reassurance and is openly letting you know that. It’ll pass. No action required except kindness. Remind him to be super quiet so he doesn’t wake you.

FetchezLaVache · 15/05/2025 00:01

I agree with everybody else - he obviously needs this, so let him have it. Put his mattress on your floor so he can just put himself to bed in your room straight way if necessary to avoid waking you. You're only winding yourselves up trying to fight it.

LilDeVille · 15/05/2025 00:05

You haven’t mentioned why it’s a problem?

If there’s no actual problem, and you’re just worried that he’ll be doing it forever, then I think the best way to ensure he isnt doing it forever is to let him feel secure in your room for the time being.

BeNiceWhenItsFinished · 15/05/2025 00:16

In the broad light of day, you need to ask him why.

This is not normal behaviour for a 12 year-old, there has to be something really quite serious behind it.

seasonspuzzling · 15/05/2025 00:17

My younger DD is currently going through phases of wanting to sleep with us as PP mentioned we put an inflatable mattress on the floor

Seems there is some school friend stuff happening / talks about nightmares / vague stuff about her room being scary

It’s hard to know what is at the bottom of it but I would prefer she is rested and tend to think in my mind “it’s all a phase”

BeyondTheReef · 15/05/2025 00:22

This too will pass. For now your child needs this to feel secure. Set up a place for him, small light, he cannot disturb you etc but let him get on with it.
Nothing is more important that your child’s mental health.

YearlySubscriptionRenewal · 15/05/2025 00:30

I wouldn't lose my sleep over it. I would set him a bed next to mine too.

Or I would settle him in my bed.

uncomfortablydumb60 · 15/05/2025 00:30

I had this with all of my 3 at various times when my exh suddenly walked out one Christmas Day
He’s obviously got something on his mind which is making him need comfort and security so Frankly, why aren’t you putting DS’ needs before your own?
Talk to him say over a meal time and say you’ve had a rethink and he’s welcome to sleep on your floor BUT he must not wake you.
Even the reassurance that he’s allowed to might help him feel better
Go with the flow and it will soon pass.

Oilofeveningprimrose · 15/05/2025 00:35

BeNiceWhenItsFinished · 15/05/2025 00:16

In the broad light of day, you need to ask him why.

This is not normal behaviour for a 12 year-old, there has to be something really quite serious behind it.

It is actually completely normal for some to do this. Doesn't have to be anything sinister happening
Just let him sleep in with you but get him a mattress of some sort

SadieAdlerBountyHunter · 15/05/2025 00:45

Oh god I remember the odd night of getting in my mum's bed when I was getting on for that age. I just had the fear - sometimes the quiet dark house is a big deal to a kid.

I agree with putting a camp bed of some description and say it's allowed as long as you aren't disturbed. It's the kindest thing to do.

Wibblywobblybobbly · 15/05/2025 00:47

I feel really sad for him. Something is upsetting him and he's seeking the comfort of his parents, but they're making him feel like a nuisance and shouting at him. But he keeps trying because he really needs you. Please don't turn him away.

Make him a bed, tell him he's welcome as long as he doesn't wake you up as you have work. Make him feel loved and secure and listen to him when he is ready to talk. I'd try going on a drive together or do an activity you both enjoy to see if he opens up.

For all you know he's being horrifically bullied, groomed or worse. Make the poor child feel safe and perhaps he'll open up.

Bourbonbonbon · 15/05/2025 00:49

I don't think a 12 year old would do this just for the hell of it.

When you're describing him going wild at having to return to his room I'm imagining a child in real fear. If a child is terrified and incapable of calming down you need to get to the bottom of it.

I would ask at school how things are and explain why.

I would also, like everyone else, put a mattress down and ask him to come in quietly. Remember he is suffering.

Oystersandchampagne · 15/05/2025 00:52

I absolutely hate to be the poster to say this…has your son shown any signs of Neurodivergence?

tinyspiny · 15/05/2025 00:55

Well in our home if this happened one of us just went and slept in the kids room / spare room whichever was available and the child slept in our bed , that way everyone gets back to sleep quickly with no fuss .

LBFseBrom · 15/05/2025 00:59

Ellephanting · 14/05/2025 23:49

I completely agree to just go with this for now. Before long, he will be a teenager and then he wouldn’t be seen dead sleeping in his parent’s bedroom.

I agree.