Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

How can we stop our 12yo sleeping on our floor??

458 replies

Jones3A · 14/05/2025 23:42

Fucking broken with exhaustion and struggling not to just get really mad even though we know that's not going to work.
DS is prone to phases of anxiety around security/clinginess.
Currently 4 weeks into overnight wake ups where he marches into our room with his pillow and sleeps on the floor.
Any gentle / patient attempt to get him to try to resettle in his own bed rapidly spirals, he gets hysterical and we end up getting angry.
He won't even begin to try. Not to read, not to listen to quiet music, not to have us resettle him, nothing. He goes wild.
How the hell are we going to break this pattern?
We are both under a lot of work stress and the nightly drama is making it so much worse.
Any advice gladly received. I know we're making a shit job of this. In the wee hours I'm not in the best head space to handle it.

OP posts:
Toptotoe · 15/05/2025 07:13

I used to do this as a child too. I was about 10 when I stopped. It happened after we had a burglary when we were all in the house asleep. I became very anxious afterwards and couldn’t sleep in my own room. I think I did it for over a year.
My parents just let me do it.

CloseEncountersOfTheTurdKind · 15/05/2025 07:15

I was that 12 year old once. I would creep into my parents room to sleep on the floor and they would be angry and send me away when they noticed. I was scared of being alone at night time, I was being bullied at school, I felt really insecure and just needed to be near them for comfort. And they wouldn't let me. Please let your son sleep on your floor.

Seventree · 15/05/2025 07:18

Honestly, I'd find out if anything is bothering him but I wouldn't stop him sleeping in your room. Id just make him a bed up and let him continue for as long as he needs. He's obviously finding comfort from sharing a room with you.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

12 year olds Families
MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 15/05/2025 07:21

Had this for years. Bed made up on the floor and they could access it if needed but on the proviso that they came in quietly without waking us up and went straight back to sleep.

heavenisaplaceonearth · 15/05/2025 07:24

I think get him tireder with some heavy exercise, feed him something filling but not acidic, have him have a hot bath/shower in the evenings, clean his sheets so they are comfy and just keep doing that for a while.

Flipslop · 15/05/2025 07:25

mathanxiety · 15/05/2025 01:37

This is behaviour that needs to be dealt with by a mental health professional.

Please get your child to a psychologist so his issues can be properly addressed.

What???

Oftenaddled · 15/05/2025 07:28

If you decide to go with this suggestion of making him up a bed and don't have inflatable mattresses etc to had, a double duvet folded on the floor is a nice substitute, temporarily.

ShiftySquirrel · 15/05/2025 07:33

I've had this variously with both of mine as older kids/young teens. They're past it now, unless there's a spider in their bedrooms!
Options are:
Let him sleep there, but tell him not to wake you up. It will pass.
You could try sleeping in his room on his floor to see if he stays there then. That might break the habit once you find out what's at the bottom of it.
If you/your DP need sleep, swap with your DS. You get DS's bed for the night, hopefully undisturbed.
If he has a sibling, and they are close, he could sleep over in their room.
Good luck.

Rocketpants50 · 15/05/2025 07:40

My DD did this, it was exhausting. There was stuff going on at school which had unsettled her and think she just needed that comfort.
Bizarrely what broke it was she wanted to watch something aimed for older children on tv - maybe 13+ - and I said until she slept in her own bed like a 13 year old would then no. That was it - in her bed and never got out again. Now can't get her out of bed!

Mumofoneandone · 15/05/2025 07:42

Having been that child (but a little older) please let him sleep on your floor, it won't be forever.
Something happened in my life and at times I would wake at night and just needed to be near my parents in order to go back to sleep.
It wasn't every night but would go in phases. I would creep in and not wake my parents though.
I know you need your sleep but your son needs this comfort - please support him.

JojoM1981 · 15/05/2025 07:42

Rather than worry about your disturbed sleep,have you got to the root of WHY he's doing this?

Comedycook · 15/05/2025 07:45

mathanxiety · 15/05/2025 01:37

This is behaviour that needs to be dealt with by a mental health professional.

Please get your child to a psychologist so his issues can be properly addressed.

I actually agree with this. This is very unusual behaviour I'd say for a 12 year old, unless he has some sort of special needs or there's a backstory you haven't told us op.

YesHonestly · 15/05/2025 07:46

It’s actually really normal around this age OP.

As others have said, he’s stuck in that hard place of not quite being a child and not quite being an adolescent.

There could be something going on with him that’s triggered this or it could be general anxiety, but either way I’d let him sleep in with you while you get to the bottom of it. Once he knows he’s allowed in as long as he’s quiet it should take some pressure off all of you.

Can you take him out for a drive at the weekend? See if you can get him to tell you how he’s feeling and if anything specific is going on. My boy always opened up more in the car, I think it was being sat side by side rather than having to face me that made it easier.

It will pass, but right now he’s feeling unsafe and needs to be near you in the night.

Pillarsofsalt · 15/05/2025 07:47

Look how many people have experienced this. It’s obviously not as uncommon as you might think. My own son went through this during covid. We put a mattress on the floor and just let him get on with it and after a month or two he stopped coming in.

GargoylesofBeelzebub · 15/05/2025 07:47

He obviously needs reassurance and security. I would just let him. This will pass eventually, but he clearly needs you just now.

Is he starting secondary after the summer and feeling a bit anxious (disclaimer I'm in Scotland so different system)? Both my kids found first year at secondary quite unsettling. There was quite a lot of upheaval in friendship groups.

MayDayFlowers · 15/05/2025 07:52

xmasdealhunter · 14/05/2025 23:45

Honestly, I'd leave him to it, but I'd be telling him that if he wants to sleep on the floor he needs to come in quietly and shut the door softly so that you're not woken. He'll likely grow out of it but it's clearly making him feel safe now.

That’s what we’ve done for our 8 year old. Set up a comfy mattress and bedding. She tends just to go straight to bed in our room now! It’s the third time over the years she’s come back to sleeping in our room. Works well.

MyCupOfTea32 · 15/05/2025 07:54

I used to do this when I was a kid. I'd wake up in the night and we lived in a big old house and I'd just get The Fear. I was convinced there were ghosts and then I just couldn't handle being in a room on my own. I knew it was irrational but I couldn't help it I was terrified. I'd sneak in and sleep on the rug on the floor next to my parents as it was the only way I felt safe. It passed on its own in the end. But my parents did have to get quite strict with banning me from reading endless teen horror novels that I was fond of. And no scary movies in the evening.

Magicpaintbrush · 15/05/2025 07:54

My DD is 16 and still wants to sleep in my bed when she's feeling anxious and unsettled. It's not behaviour born of naughtiness, it's anxiety, and all you can really do is be patient and understanding. This has been going on since she was 8 years old and has had a combo of therapy and cbt to tackle her anxiety throughout that time. There's no quick fix I'm afraid.

Arseynal · 15/05/2025 07:55

I would deal with the “marching” rather than the fact that he’s coming in at all. It’s not ordinary to hysterically refuse to lie on your own bed reading if you can’t sleep - it looks like the need for comfort is very genuine. I would aim for creeping in quietly without waking you and I wouldn’t make it massively comfortable with air beds or mattresses but maybe stretch to a roll mat so he’s not on the actual carpet or floorboards. Help him build up his confidence in strong attachments until he feels secure enough to pull away again.
I agree with pp - it’s a really odd age with some being little boys and some being almost men. His girl peers will be mostly a good way through puberty and his male peers may not have started or be well on the way. It could be anxiety about growing up and losing childhood or alternatively thinking he is left behind when his friends are bulking up and starting to shave. He might be struggling with attachments to peers so is seeking stronger attachments at home. Whatever it is, it’s really difficult to develop independence if you are worried your mum and dad safety net is full of holes. Confidence comes from security and for whatever reason your ds is feeling insecure.

Applesonthelawn · 15/05/2025 07:55

Just let him, if it helps. The less fuss you make, the sooner it'll pass. You are adding to the anxiety by refusing to acknowledge his difficulties in sleeping alone.

Calliopespa · 15/05/2025 07:56

The sleeping in your room is no big deal.

He’s needing reassurance and he’s found a way to get it. Buy a foam mattress - you may even find knowing he is welcome might decrease his interest in coming.

I doubt he’ll be doing it at 40.

The bigger issue is why it has started.

Libby360 · 15/05/2025 07:56

Give him what he needs to feel secure. There's nothing more important and it won't last forever.

UnimatrixZeroOne · 15/05/2025 07:59

I'd actively encourage it. Making it seem like an unusual, unwanted or annoying behaviour is only going to increase his anxiety. Talk it through - acknowledge he's going through a tough phase and you're there to actively love and support him. Put a soft something on the floor - a mattress topper perhaps - and let him soak up the safety you provide him. It will help. He'll get through this quicker with encouragement to meet his needs. He's self soothing the best and safest way he knows how and he's also transitioning into the next phase of his life - adolescence. Make it super safe and loving and welcoming for him. As has been said, it's unlikely he'll be needing this from you when he's an adult.

gamerchick · 15/05/2025 07:59

It just makes him feel safe. Mine was still co sleeping at that age. It does end though all of a sudden. Sometimes it's just a case of sleep is king and go with what works.

He needs to creep and not march though.

Risingroad · 15/05/2025 08:01

My DD did this regularly around same age, for a period of months. She did see a child counsellor once or twice just in case, to help her manage her anxiety. it passed.