Very short boyfriend

[Uncomfotablyshort]

My boyfriend is very short, really short, about 4 in shorter than me and I'm not exceptionally tall.

In every other way he is perfect for me and he loves me in a way that makes me feel secure like no one else ever has. His height doesn't bother me when we're alone together, but in public or with friends it is all a bit uncomfortable. He likes to show affection and will put an arm around my shoulders or hold my hand and it's all feels a bit awkward, because he can't reach or it feels like holding a child's hand. Even a quick peck is weird because he can't really reach.

Alone together on the sofa, or in bed it couldn't be better!

What's the solution?

‘He will put an arm around my shoulders or hold my hand…… feels a bit awkward, because he can't reach or it feels like holding a child's hand. Even a quick peck is weird because he can't really reach.’

Sounds like a variation of ‘the ick’ and to do with your thoughts/feelings about him, not anything he or others have done.

If you like him and the shortness doesn't turn you off then I wouldn't worry about what other people think. But if you find it off putting and don't fancy him because of it then it's probably a deal breaker.

I couldn’t date a shorter man those tiny hands would give me the ick I’m afraid
I am tall and my husband is a fair bit taller than me
I don’t know the answer but if you’re not comfortable in public then there’s your answer I’d end it

I think it will narrow the dating pool, but lots of things can do that which are out of someone's control. But the person he finds will be someone who isn't shallow and will love him for who he is.

It seems like you feel awkward when standing up and he tries to put his arm around you it just works better when sitting down. I think you need an open conversation about the height difference and what works. A hand hold shouldn’t be an issue when
out but hug/arm around make you feel squashed etc.

Op, why do you feel the need to prove to people that you are perfect together ?
You are smitten with him and he is obviously smitten with you .
The fact that you still want to prove something shows that this relationship is probably not for you .
if you are not fully onboard , leave him and let him find someone who will not be bothered by his height

We were friends before, so are often out with the same people, only now as a couple. I think maybe that's all part of the weirdness. I'm also aware that people were very shocked/surprised when we got together.

‘People’ were shocked - or you?

what are you worried about others thinking?

I had to break up with someone who was shorter than me, I’m only 5’3”. He was a lovely guy in every way but I didn’t enjoy feeling the bigger one when I’ve always been petite. No one ever commented or made me feel awkward but I just couldn’t lean into my feminine energy when out and about as woo woo as that sounds. Spending the rest of my life with someone does mean feeling my best self and being very attracted to my partner. Best decision for me as I’m now with my 5’8” DH with all the same great qualities but this time I feel 100% comfortable and attracted to him. Just being nice and lovely isn’t enough for a lifetime, you need that indescribable feeling of contentment and pleasure too.

I think if he's perfect apart from his height you re being unkind. You knew his height when you first started dating him

If you hadn’t written childlike I would think you could learn not to think about it.
But I don’t think you can get over that.
I met someone who was personality wise intensely compatible with me and good looking, but his build was childish. A lot like the kid in Love Actually who’s really the same age as keira knightly. I couldn’t get over it.

Stilts. That's what you need.

I think if you are aware that other people notice that you are an ‘odd’ couple and it bothers you then it’s a non-starter.

I went out with someone for a long time and he had a very unusual look (being kind) and people used to stare and I felt I could tell what they were thinking and it made me uncomfortable. Looking back, I shouldn’t have stayed with him for so long as it never felt right to me and it wasn’t fair on him either.

No one ever commented or made me feel awkward but I just couldn’t lean into my feminine energy when out

@renoleno i completely get that. If someone makes you feel unfeminine and ungainly you will never be at your best

DS2 is too. I worked so hard at helping him understand it didn't matter. I showed him pictures of all the famous small men with their supermodel tall girlfriends ( Bruno Mars, Billy Joel, Paul Simon etc) I encouraged him to recognise that women love self confidence and talent. And some women actively prefer a sort of boyish rockstar look. Some women won't look at him because he's short. Some women won't care. Focus on the ones who don't care.

He's 5'4 and has incredible success with women. He's totally over the height thing and is dating a beautiful girl who is about 6 foot tall.

Help your DS build confidence and recognise what is sexy about him. His talent, humour, style, brains, strength, fitness etc.

I've met short men with life long chips on their shoulders about being short. They are single. I've met short men who don't give a damn about their height. They have as much success as any man.

Fair point

Dump him and find someone you’re comfortable with. Either that or just get over it (in the nicest possible way)

im 5 foot seven, my late dh was 5 foot 4, I don’t think I cared at all, and he certainly didn’t either.

He had very manly hands, nothing tiny about his fingers 😆

would rather have him than my abusive six foot twat of an ex.

Jamie Cullen is much shorter than Sophie Dahl

I would never trade a good guy that I have a strong relationship/connection with for a physical reason.

He sounds fab. Much rather a guy shorter than me who is kind, to a guy who is taller than me & is a bastard.

I remember a small guy I knew who was really good looking and a great kisser ! Everyone fancied him far more than his tall unattractive mate.

I think just start to subtlety say things like ‘ I loooove it when you put your arm around my waist when we are out and about. It’s so lovely. I feel so protected and close to you’. Something along those lines!
It might stick in his head and wanting to please you, it might start to be his go to instead of around your shoulder.

Even if you suspect you do you a little off to some people, I am absolutely sure people are more impressed by it than being judging. I had two very short boyfriends, who were wonderful and charismatic and handsome. People would look, but any comments to us would always be how sweet we seemed together. Possibly other men occasionally being judgy but who cares. You sound lovely together and you also sound very intelligent for understanding your uncomfortableness. Best of luck!