Working parents: tell me about your life?

[MossLover]

This is not meant to be snarky in any way, and I apologize in advance if it comes off that way. I am genuinely curious but also socially awkward.

Between my recent post and the (probably fake) one about OP’s DH wanting her to get a job, I’ve noticed a lot of…Negativity? Towards SAHPs. I’ve seen multiple people say essentially the same thing, that they think working parents do everything SAHPs do, but also work jobs. So I’m just curious as to how that can be possible, and was wondering if you could tell me:

Are you single or partnered? (If separated, what’s the custody situation?
What are your working hours like?
What age are your children, and who cares for them while you are working?
How much quality time do you get with your DP and children?
What is it like if you get sick? (Do you actually get to rest?)
How do you go about feeding your family? Do you often eat out/carry out? How much time do you spend cooking, and what kind of meals do you make?
How often do you grocery shop?
How much sleep do you get on average? How much exercise?
What size is your home? Do you have a garden to maintain?
Do you have pets, and if so, what kind?
Do you have a chore schedule? How often do you do laundry, dusting, sweeping, mopping, tidying, lawn care, etc.? (I know somebody’s going to say “as often as it needs doing,” which is not a particularly satisfying answer)
(if this applies) How do you put multiple young children to bed at night? (Cuz mine takes forever; I couldn’t imagine having more than one!)

Thanks in advance!

Before children start school the additional work is obvious, when they start school though it's baffling how quickly the 'life admin' jobs apparently add up along with the assumptions that anyone who works has a cleaner etc.

Right, I think it’s different when your kids become school aged (and also old enough to pick up after themselves and do a couple of the chore.) I SAH now, but I think I’ll probably do something to earn income once DD goes off to school full time.

Oh, and how much free time do you get? Do you have hobbies?

I have free time - spend it with DH, alone, friends, extended family.

Struggle to fit in hobbies & exercise - the dcs have quite a few extracurriculars & I prioritise relationships. I am also studying for another qualification and struggling to find the time.

So today is a typical Saturday for us. Breakfast in bed. DH is taking the dc to their sports, if I can get off MN I will put a wash on and do some baking. We will eat lunch together & then going to the park/bike ride meeting some friends. I need to pop to the shops as I need a few bits. Eat dinner together (bought this yesterday) & watch some tv together. Dcs bedtime and then will watch a bit of tv with DH. In between all of the above will do other chores.

Both me and DH work full time.

We have two hours in the morning where we all sit and have breakfast together, get dressed, possibly play a game before the school and nursery run.

DH or I will finish at 4.30 and do pick up. All eat together everyday at 5.15pm. Never get takeaway and I have an 8 week meal plan of fast, home cooked meals. (Groceries are delivered).

We do one person does both bedtimes (takes 1.5 hours with lots of chat and reading) and the other can work/ exercise/clean/garden.

No cleaner, house could definitely be cleaner but DH does a good job of keeping on top of it.

As soon as I had a dc, I switched to part time hours. I used breakfast and after school clubs on those days.
I had plenty of time to do all chores and cook meals and have time to exercise and relax.
I would have been bored being a sahm but struggled working full time so this worked for me.

I work full time and dh and I are both hybrid so generally can organise that at least 1 of us is around for dd. She's 13 so heads off to school about 15 mins after I start work in the morning. I try to finish at 4/4.30 so my work overlaps hers by about an hour. On office days it's longer but that's only once a week normally. Obviously if she needs me and I'm working I'll drop everything to sort it. My work is very supportive of this and allows me to take flexi for appointments etc.

We all love our holidays so my work pays for a cleaning company to come in once a week, holidays and dd's hobbies as she's a competitive gymnast so trains 4 nights a week. That cuts into our time together far more than my work.

We rarely eat out as I'm on Mounjaro so am very focused on healthy eating. Dh and I cook from scratch most nights. I use mindful chef to mix up our diet. I have a routine for most chores eg I'll do white and dark big uniform wash every Friday then iron on Saturday while dh is at parkrun. He does his share too so we keep on top of things together.

Dh and I try to walk the dog together at lunchtime and book in time together as dd can be left alone at home for a bit now.

I don't exercise enough but that's because I don't stick to it rather than work. If I'm ill I stay in bed and dh takes over.

I get a lot of satisfaction from my work. I'm bloody good at it and have fantastic feedback about what I do. I find it much more rewarding than my time as a sahm and am very glad to be saving towards my pension years too.

I also work term time plus 4 wks so get a good amount of holiday time with the dc which I will keep as they move into the teenage years as I think they still need you then.

@Stickortwigs how do you work full time
if you have 2 hours together before school and finish work at 4:30?

short answer is my husband does his part in keeping the house tidy, pickups, cooking. Most of the shopping is delivered. Nursery covers more hours than we need so if anything happens we are safe. Cleaner for the big cleaning once a week but honestly we always clean after ourselves. Quality time with our child, cooking from scratch/avoid processed food is non negotiable. Honestly it’s ruthless organization and no free time to do other stuff like hobbies etc I.e. I have never gone to the pub with my colleagues and I hate the business trips, especially the ones to other continents just for internal meetings

I am married, I work full time, I should work 8.30-16.30, but it's more like 08.00-17/17.30, my job is bery demanding. I have a cleaner that comes every other week, I do bits inbetween like running the vacuum over, wiping down surfaces, cleaning the bathroom etc. I do all the washing, usually try to get a load done every other day. My dc are slightly older, so one gets the bus to and from school and my other child who is still in primary gets picked up by grandparents. I go food shopping once a week on the weekend, and dh picks up bits Inbetween on his lunch break. We have a large garden, front and back and a drive, which dh is currently in the process of renovating. I go out once a week to meet a friend for a walk. I enjoy reading etc, but don't get a lot of time for my hobbies. I have x3 cats. I am also doing a masters at the moment, so that takes up a fair bit of my free time. When I'm sick, I rest as much as I need to. My dh does a lot of childcare and cooking etc, so there's no expectation there, that I do things if I'm ill. I wish I could work part time so I had more time for my well being and that I could excerise more. Unfortunately my job role does not allow part time workers. We try to get out at least one day on the weekend with the dc to enjoy doing something with them. So yes, my life is pretty full on to be honest.

That's an awful lot of data to put online.

In a nutshell

DH and I work full time (40hours) mon to Fri. I work term time only so wage is prorata

Kids go to nursery/school 9 hours a day breakfast and after school club

I cook for us all in the week kids eat mainly at school and nursery have light supper at home weekend all eat together. I food shop online and have a meal plan

Exercise both DH and I train. DH out at club one night a week and me another. We both take in turns to run when kids are in bed and we both train twice/three times a week in a morning before kids get up.

Bedtime we either take a kid each or one of us is club night so the other one puts both kids to bed

Weekends generally are family time.

We have very little support our parents live a long way away.

I can't remember the other questions!!

Oh sleep. About 6-7 hours a night.

House 3 bed in the north

Are you single or partnered?
Married

What are your working hours like?
Three days a week 9-4

What age are your children, and who cares for them while you are working?
Their dad or school

How much quality time do you get with your DP and children?
One day in the week when we’re both off just us, all day at weekends, from 4pm during work days.

What is it like if you get sick?
I’m not sure what you mean, surely it depends on the illness.

How do you go about feeding your family? Do you often eat out/carry out? How much time do you spend cooking, and what kind of meals do you make?
Very rarely have takeaway, tend to have lunch out on Saturdays.

How often do you grocery shop?
Once a week.

How much sleep do you get on average? How much exercise?
About five hours a night, I don’t need much. I exercise most days, usually before the kids are up.

What size is your home? Do you have a garden to maintain?
Its a four bed house over two levels, we have an open basement that we rent via airbnb.

Do you have pets, and if so, what kind?
A cat and a dog.

Do you have a chore schedule? How often do you do laundry, dusting, sweeping, mopping, tidying, lawn care, etc.? (I know somebody’s going to say “as often as it needs doing,” which is not a particularly satisfying answer)
(if this applies)
No, things are done when they need doing.

How do you put multiple young children to bed at night? (Cuz mine takes forever; I couldn’t imagine having more than one!)
Our nine year old typically takes himself to bed, we take it in turn with our three year old.

My children were always looked after by grandparents in our house when I was at work and they were preschool. I always returned to an absolute mess. Don’t assume everyone at work goes home to a pristeen house exactly as they left it.

Yes this. I recently posted about moving abroad and a lot of comments were about me giving up my career despite me already being a SAHM!! They tend to flip the convo to it each time.

We both work full time (contracted 40hrs a week). My husband goes to work early so he can leave early and do pick up, I do drop off. I wfh mostly, with a few days either at a London office, or other offices across the country, and we can coordinate this so if he has to both pick up and drop off, I can reciprocate another day.

We get groceries delivered and I cook every night, my husband loads the dishwasher and bath/bed times. All other household items (cleaning stuff, toiletries, pet food, toilet roll), are set up in with a recurring delivery so we don’t have to think about it.

Our favourites to cook and eat are Thai and Vietnamese food, Spanish one pot rice type dishes, salads, steak. We have sushi delivered once or twice a month. We sometimes eat out on the weekend.

We have a cleaner once a week, we don’t clean outside of this apartment from spot cleaning.

We have a house with a garden, and we all love gardening and growing things.

I try and exercise daily, but more often I feel lazy and prefer to settle on the sofa with a glass of wine and some crisps!

We do washing over night and peg out to dry in the morning, takes under 10mins and not every day.

We have a lot of quality time together as we spend barely anytime on chores. We like to go out for walks at the weekend, do sports, bbq and play in the garden.

We socialise with friends independently during the week, meet for dinner/drinks (a couple of times a month each). We both play instruments and incorporate this into after school/nursery play with children.

Weekday evenings bed/bath is done by 2000, so have a lot of time with my husband. Sometimes I’ll cook a fancy dinner on a Friday or Saturday night for us as I enjoy cooking and sitting together and chatting.

I love our life, it’s perfect and works for us. I appreciate we are lucky, but life feels easy and stress free.

I work 40-60 hours a week, including traveling around the UK. About .5 a day a week at home...
Divorced when the children were young teens, but even when married we both worked full time in 40+ hour jobs with travel.

50/50 residency.
Neither of uS get much down time as the nights we don't have the children are the nights we'll stay away for work.

When the children are here, it's very standard. Up at 6/630, children leave for school at 745, work starts at 8, home between 530 and 630, cook a meal from scratch, eat dinner at the dinner table, chat, wash up, clean down, TV together/games, all of us in bed for 10/1030 and repeat.

Hobbies: gardening, painting, reading, hiking.

Even when my children were much younger, e.g. in primary school, I never understood the whole drama about life admin and stuff. Or how people spent so much time cleaning. Never had a cleaner, or help with childcare (we use paid childcare for wrap around, but they didn't feed the children).

I don't look down on SAHP, I was one for 5 years, but I don't understand how they fill their time, when parents who work full time and don't buy in domestic help, have to do all of the SAHPa job, and then work on top.

But I do live my life with three calendars, and multiple Todo lists. With the phrase "if it's not on the calendar it doesn't exist" drummed into everyone around me.

Are you single or partnered? Married
What are your working hours like? 9-3 five days a week with two extra hours worked flexibly. Husband works full time and his rota is every other weekend with weekday rota that varies on a 6 week pattern.
What age are your children, and who cares for them while you are working? 4 and 6, school, nursery and grandparents
How much quality time do you get with your DP and children? If we are talking longer than a couple of hours, every other weekend we are all available together.
What is it like if you get sick? Generally yag team, DH does his fair share
How do you go about feeding your family? Mostly quick home cooked stuff, or use the slow cooker/batch cook
How often do you grocery shop? Weekly, gets delivered on a Monday morning
How much sleep do you get on average? 7-8 hours
How much exercise? 3 exercise classes a week and a swim
What size is your home? 3 bed but in the process of moving to a 4 bed
Do you have a garden to maintain? Yes, not massive though.
Do you have pets, and if so, what kind? Yes, two guinea pigs, surprisingly more effort than DH expected!
Do you have a chore schedule? How often do you do laundry, dusting, sweeping, mopping, tidying, lawn care, etc.? No, I just do stuff as needed, with laundry nearly everyday.
how to put multiple children to bed? Currently both at the same time, then they choose to have a story together or separately. Never really found bedtime a challenge in our house. DH and I swap who does dinner/bedtime depending on who is at the gym/out/at classes

My introduction to working parenthood was having to get a job with a 3 week old baby, as a single parent and not being able to use/afford childcare. So I looked after the baby and worked as much as I could at the same time, and did everything in the household, all the washing cooking shopping and pet care all with the baby with me. I don’t remember being particularly unhappy then. Never got any sleep obviously.

working and babies changed of course but I’ve always worked and always taken mixed combos of dc at different ages with me

I have a job rather than a career. I work about 20 hours a week in a convenience store so I'm able to fit my hours around the kids and we never need wrap around care or holiday clubs. It's very low stress and enables me to spend a lot of time with my kids which I love. Obviously it's not mega money buy we live comfortably enough, dp works from home so he is around a lot too. We live in a modest 3 bed ex council house. I wouldn't trade it for the stress and long hours of a "proper job" though I will probably look for something a bit more interesting in a year or two when the kids are a bit bigger. Bed time and chores etc are split fairly according to how much time we both have available.

I’m a single mum of one DD (6), I work full time in a senior position. I believe I do all the same tasks that a SAHP does (assuming the kids are school age). I sort all ‘life admin’ - booking holidays, sorting utilities, insurances, booking car mot etc., I do all school drop offs and pick ups. Cook home made meals, clean the house, take DD to her sports classes..

I’ve answered your questions:

Are you single or partnered? - single parent, DD stays with dad 1 night per week

What are your working hours like? - Approx 8:30 - 5:30 Mon-Fri

What age are your children, and who cares for them while you are working? - 1 DD, school including using breakfast club and after school club 3x per week. Use annual leave / child minder during school holidays.

How much quality time do you get with your DP and children? - Not enough

What is it like if you get sick? (Do you actually get to rest?)- no, I don’t get to rest, no one else picks up the load. I usually end up working too as my work can be done from home, so say I have a bad cold, my employer would expect me to be intermittently picking up emails.

How do you go about feeding your family? Do you often eat out/carry out? How much time do you spend cooking, and what kind of meals do you make? - I try to batch cook so we will have something home made from the freezer if I’m not cooking. I don’t cook much at the weekend, we will get fancy ready meals / take away or eat out

How often do you grocery shop? - once per week

How much sleep do you get on average? How much exercise? - sleep about 6-7 hours per night, zero exercise

What size is your home? Do you have a garden to maintain? - mid size semi detached with large front and back garden, there’s always something needing to be done and only me to do it…

Do you have pets, and if so, what kind? - no pets

Do you have a chore schedule? How often do you do laundry, dusting, sweeping, mopping, tidying, lawn care, etc.? (I know somebody’s going to say “as often as it needs doing,” which is not a particularly satisfying answer) - I do a big clean every Thursday evening, but we generally have a tidy house, I always put things back in their place and tidy DDs toys away every night when she goes to bed and will do a quick wipe of sinks and toilets daily, so house is always relatively clean and tidy.

(if this applies) How do you put multiple young children to bed at night? (Cuz mine takes forever; I couldn’t imagine having more than one!) - I only have one, bedtime takes about half hour.

I have been a SAHP, WFT and currently work PT from home. The latter has been by far the best fit for our family with DC at their current ages.

I found working FT and out of the house, exceptionally stressful. We have 4 DC and whilst they were all 7 and above when I went back to FT work, it did impact on our lives hugely. It didn't help that my job was very stressful and I found that when I came home I was spent and had limited emotional resource for my DC. The truth is that standards slipped - our diets were poorer as I had limited time to cook. I was less on top of homework, school stuff and housework. Weekends were spent trying to catch up around the DC sporting activities. DH stepped up a lot but he also works full-time, albeit from home. It was hard. Doable but hard.

I loved being a SAHP but it did feel somewhat mentally unfulfilling.

Working PT from home, I have the flexibility to do all the chores etc. I feel so much more in control and relaxed which definitely makes me a better parent. I'm sure this wouldn't be everyone's choice and also that for many it wouldn't be possible.

The whole debate is something which people take very personally as they see the other ways as a criticism of their own situations. There is compromise in all of them but only you and your family can work out which is the best fit for you if you are lucky enough to have the choices available.

I'm a single parent. I have 3 kids and a full time job. Kids are in school/nursery during the week and I have a cleaner who comes once a week. I mainly do housework/laundry/admin in the evenings while listening to music or audiobooks, but I also try to excercise 3-4 times a week as well. I do my hobbies/see friends on the 2 evenings a week that the kids go to their dad's.

If I get sick I power through. I've developed quite a fear of getting ill!

We both work full time. But whoever isn’t on school run starts work at 8.30 and finishes at 4.30. It varies which one of us that is.

I will also do the occasional meeting at 8pm to talk to people in the US, so there’s flexibility both ways.