Adult nudity around children

[Anothermummyinlondon]

I was molested by my father so I don’t really know what the norms are. At what age did you stop being nude around your children? Was/is your DH allowed to bath/shower with your DC (esp girl children) and if so until what age?

I know I carry trauma from my childhood and might worry about things that others find completely normal so I am asking here. Also any suggestions for working through this would be appreciated. DD is 2 and I’ve realised I worry lots about her (even though I trust DH completely). We’re not walking around nude or anything, but for example just DD being there whilst we get dressed. Or her taking a shower with him, would you allow that?

According to the scholars of TikTok, there are “naked families” and “non naked families”. I’m from a naked family and DD(15) and DS(7) see me stark naked at least once a day. They don’t bat an eyelid. DH grew up in a non-naked family and, although he has no issue with my nakedness, he would never dream of even being in his boxers around the children since the age of about 3-4, let alone stark naked. So, in a nutshell, there’s no right or wrong. A general rule of thumb is if anyone is uncomfortable with it, cover it up. If not, be free!

I don’t cover up around my teens. I don’t flaunt it but if I need to go downstairs to grab my clean knickers I’m going to do it. They’ve seen me getting dressed numerous times as they come in and out of my room. I would always knock before entering their rooms though. The human body is normal and doesn’t need hiding, however I did not suffer abuse like OP

im sorry for what you have been through so it make sense that this is crossing your mind. Your DD being 2 I see. I problem with changing you from of her or shower with DH.

id assume every child is different but proobaly around 4 - 5 showers with DH will probably naturally stop if not earlier. But as for you getting dressed I front of DD then I’m guessing when you say your getting dressed and she doesn’t follow you into your room anymore so possible abound 6 or earlier I would have thought your DD will sort of decide herself

I think what is acceptable varies so much from person to person, there is no norm so it’s about talking to your partner about what is comfortable for you. Overall given your history, I’d expect him to allow you to take the lead on setting the boundaries of what is ok in your house, as long as it wasn’t going so far the other way it was likely to give your daughter a hang up or make life unliveable.

From the examples you give showering with a toddler is fine if you and your partner are happy with it, but not if you aren’t. (I’d say the cut off for this is about 7 - after that kids need more privacy.)

Getting dressed in front of a toddler should be fine, else your daughter is likely to get hung up about her body. You could have a rule with your partner that you turn around when dressing until underpants are on.

Talking through this together is what’s important.

.

My 13yr old DS still sees my DH naked. It doesn't bother either of them. Apart from that we all cover up. I have a 15 yr old DD and we all haven't seen each other naked for a good few years. On the other hand a family I know who have a 16yr old DD and 13 yr old boy twins still all walk around and see each other naked. I personally feel that's a bit inappropriate but that's MY opinion.

There’s no right or wrong answer however shared baths/showers up until starting school sounds ok however if this is really something that triggers you your husband should understand and stay away from.

Being naked and the human body itself isn’t something to be ashamed of however there’s a huge difference between not hiding away when getting changed or walking around in boxers to fully walking around stark naked all the time. Find your comfortable happy medium.

I would reach out to some charities and see if you can get some help with counselling if you haven’t in the past.

Good luck.

I would say around 3-4 we stopped being naked around the children. Personally I think seeing parents naked when teens is completely inappropriate.

However I have a work colleague is is a naturist (and her weekend activities come up a very great deal more often than I am interested in) so her views would obviously be different. She has late teen GCs and apparently they all see each other naked. I am very uncomfortable with that.

Do what you feel comfortable with. I think I’ve always tried to have a towel around me, but don’t worry if they’re there and they see part of my body naked. As a family, we’ve never walked around naked. Don’t think we shared showers either.

I shared a bath with DS until he was 2. Since then he's seen me in undies or a bikini. Nothing less. I don't see the need.

I doubt he has ever seen his df other than fully dressed. Maybe in a bathrobe but no less. Ex is seriously uptight

I have a different view to earlier op in that I think the more naked bodies a teen sees, the better tbh! Two dc here, 12 ds and 15 dd. Both see me naked if I need to get clothes and sometimes getting changed etc. both happy at times to get changed in front of me, both ask for privacy at other times and I respect that, obviously.

With DD1 it was around the age of 7. She naturally started wanting more privacy herself without us saying or prompting anything e.g. closing the door to her bedroom when she was getting changed. She is only 8 now but we stopped sharing baths or showers together last summer (e.g. the summer before she started Year 3). Mainly because she was getting too big but also because I figured if she wanted more privacy then it was a natural time to stop.

With DH and I we don't necessarily walk around naked but if she were to come into our room when we're getting changed that's fine. Or if I'm in my knickers and need to get a bra out of the washing machine I have no issue with that. She will come into the bathroom when I am in the bath and chat to me. She would only see DH naked if she were to walk in when he is changing or in the shower which we haven't expressly deterred but I'm not sure it's happened for a little while now.

I think there is no right or wrong answer and it is whatever you/your child feels comfortable with. My kids are 6 and 3 and only yesterday was I having a bath and they both jumped in and joined me. I feel it will come to a natural end when they no longer feel comfortable and that's absolutely fine.

Using the PPs description, we gradually and naturally transitioned from a naked to non-naked family, led entirely by the DC. I can't really remember the ages when this happened (as I said, it was gradual) but when they were little they would certainly have been around us while we got changed and we would happily bathe or shower with them. By the time they were tweens they would have hastily shut the door or looked the other way if they accidentally walked in on us naked.

It's interesting that that transition doesn't happen in all families and that some teens remain comfortable with nakedness in the family. We were very relaxed and comfortable with our bodies so I really don't think the embarrassment was led by us. And we certainly weren't going to force it.

My kids see me naked, the oldest is 24 and the youngest is 8, they often come in for a chat when I'm in the bath or changing, and I don't mind at all.

They wanted privacy in the bath etc from anywhere between ages 7-10 and I absolutely respect that.

I was also abused as a child, and so I've tried, and managed, to create a very open household where we can talk about anything, and made sure that my kids know they will be respected.

I totally understand though, it's so hard to know what 'normal' is when you've never experienced it.

Child's dad - when periods start

Mum - they came out of your vagina they grew in you and are the same sex so see at any time.

Step dad or partner that isn't child's dad - never shower never bathe unattended should always be wearing pants and vest. The partner should always be wearing a dressing gown.

Just my opinion

I had to remind my DD aged 16 to knock on our bedroom door or else risk walking in on us naked because she wasn’t remotely bothered that DH was standing there in his boxers. My late teen daughters wander around relatively naked around us running in and out of the shower without too much fanfare, their brother is thankfully more coy than they are. We are probably a naked house.

I was abused as a young child too and I agree it wrecks your concept of what is ok. Ours was around sleep overs. They were a big no no for me.

I don’t think there is a norm, it’s just what you are comfortable with.

As a PP said, we are a naked family. Me, my DH, my teen DD and my teen DS don’t bat an eyelid at each other’s nudity or walking around in our underwear. It’s not a thing. We used to bath or shower with them when they were little, probably stopped when they were physically too big to fit comfortably in the bath together.

On the other hand, my best friend’s family are the exact opposite. The children (same age as mine) have never seen either of their parents undressed and certainly not naked.

l’m one of 2 sisters, now in my 40s. Both parents are deceased now. Home was totally relaxed as far as nudity was concerned. We often saw each other dressing or changing. The bathroom door was often only shut when we went to the loo. Mum went topless at the beach and always said that there was nothing to be ashamed of about bodies but beware of bad people.

I appreciate though that if someone has been abused it can be a different scenario.

Dd doesn’t see me or DH naked but that’s just because at the moment we’re not naked at times she’s awake (as in we only shower or change once she’s in bed or before she gets up). I don’t think I’d be 100% against it but it would seem a little strange. Maybe once she’s a bit older that’ll have to change because we’ll be getting ready at times shes awake?

My parents were easy going types...I saw them naked occasionally when I was growing up and found it absolutely repulsive....I have never been abused. I just found it gross.

I don't walk round my house naked or have the door open when I'm changing

Yes, I agree about distinction of partner/step parent ( apart from maybe the child being with them from a very young age).

Always a difference in my house between how my children were with me and with my partner.

There are cultural expectations, location, context at play too.
We naturally adapted as my boys became young men, no issues.
However I was surprised in the Netherlands to see mother and (about 15 years old) son, sharing a naked day, including jacuzzi, at the therme.

Of course, perfectly usual in their approach to their bodies, in expectations at the therme, in that everyone was naked.

Just not something I would have shared with my teenage boys.

Sorry you went through this OP, weirdly I was thinking about this myself the other day (I too was SA’d as a child). I have two DDs who are 6 and 3, they often follow me around post shower and I have to shower with the door open because they’re both SN and get up to all kinds of mischief. I don’t ever flaunt it, will go straight to my bedroom and dry/get dressed there and they choose to be present. I think it’s something that will naturally stop on its own and I try not to make a big deal out of it. DH is never undressed around them though as he finds it too uncomfortable!

I don't cover up In front of my now adult children, never did .. while not being an exhibitionist about it too.

Me and dh both agreed it’s fine for our son and daughter to see other of us naked at the moment, probably up to 7-8 yo and then review

we want them to be comfortable around normal human bodies and have no weird secrets that lead to body issues

There’s no normal, and I think for most households it’s probably a gradual thing. I think it’s also very situation dependent - for example at swimming. Our DDs are too young to come out of the swimming pool and get changed independently, so we all go in together, or DH and I will take one child each. So even if I was someone who thought nudity around them was inappropriate (as it happens, I don’t), I’d probably view it as more appropriate than them getting changed on their own, just so they didn’t see us getting changed. So there’s situations where nudity is more “required” and is the better option, as opposed to showering together or walking around the house naked which is optional and can easily just not happen.