Adult nudity around children

[Anothermummyinlondon]

I was molested by my father so I don’t really know what the norms are. At what age did you stop being nude around your children? Was/is your DH allowed to bath/shower with your DC (esp girl children) and if so until what age?

I know I carry trauma from my childhood and might worry about things that others find completely normal so I am asking here. Also any suggestions for working through this would be appreciated. DD is 2 and I’ve realised I worry lots about her (even though I trust DH completely). We’re not walking around nude or anything, but for example just DD being there whilst we get dressed. Or her taking a shower with him, would you allow that?

My dd is 13 and often walks in to talk to me when I might be naked (just out shower putting body lotion on type thing). DH stopped being naked around her many years ago.

I don’t think it’s about being ‘relaxed’ or ‘obsessed’ though. It’s about different standards of privacy. I was brought up to respect other people’s privacy (as I think a lot of my generation were) and I couldn’t imagine just barging into places because I wouldn’t allow anyone to do the same to me.

I was staying at my parents’ house a couple of years ago and realised I needed to go into A&E in the middle of the night - I still knocked on the door!

Also I wouldn’t have anyone in the bathroom at the same time - even a partner!

Like I said, it’s just different standards and ideas

I'm the same! I was brought up in a big family, brothers and sisters close in age, and our parents didn't allow us to be naked or semi clothed after a certain age. One bathroom, door locked, privacy. We girls wouldn't go in the boys' bedroom and vice versa. None of us appear to have grown up with any body issues, it would seem.
I wouldn't like the idea of people "popping in and out" when I'm showering. My children never did that. I want peace and privacy. Obviously in the minority on here, though.

It can't be avoided if you have one bathroom and 4-5 people getting ready in the morning though

No I don’t get that. I was in a house share of 7 people with one bathroom and we all worked in a morning - at no point did any of us feel the need to share the bathroom!

I was brought up in a household where no one ever saw each othet naked and no one ever hugged etc. Bodies were to be ashamed of, my mum was hideous in her description, being overweight was disgusting, kissing was disgusting.. I dont choose to live my life and bring my daughter up like that!

That’s the other extreme though. It’s possible to be taught to respect privacy without being taught nudity is disgusting

Id also go by them.
My Df was smutty and I felt hugely uncomfortable around him with anything to do with bodies , bras and so on.

I would always do my best to hide period and never mention anything like that
He never laid a finger on me btw and in other regards was ana amazing dad.

My DH and DC however wouldn't think twice to ask DH to sign they can't swim on their pe books due to having a period ,or buying them bras or him being in a towel !
They are both comfortable to semi naked around him and after my experience and knowing my DH I'm really happy with this

• argh sign their pe books can't swim due to having a period !

But we knock on doors and respect their privacy I don't walk naked around them but I do say that I don't mind them seeing me naked !

Yes, it's easily avoided! Dressing gowns. One bathroom, 8 of us, never saw my parents or brothers undressed. I shared a bedroom with 2 sisters, but that's unavoidable.

Same! You take it in turns and you wear robes/dressing gowns, pyjamas or whatever.
My whole university life I shared bathrooms with various other people. Never saw them undressed, never went in when it was occupied.

I'd have been the same if I'd had kids. I used to feel absolutely mortified if I accidently saw one of my parents in the buff. I just think private parts should be private. Doubtless that makes me a ridiculous prude in many people's eyes but I don't care.

I also wonder how parents in naked families teach their kids the message that private parts are private if what they see is... not that? 🤔

Also isn’t it easier to teach your children that private parts are private if they aren’t seeing others walking around naked?

I agree that the ‘relaxed and cool’ versus ‘obsessed with privacy’ presentation is unhelpful and unfair. I’m very relaxed with many aspects of life, but nakedness is not something that I’m used to. My closest colleague at work was brought up completely differently - he’s French, his parents were pretty much nudists and he has continued in this way. He and his wife sleep naked, they walk to the family bathroom naked, they all go in and out of the bathroom (parents and two teens - one girl and one boy) naked. He tells me the children both wanted a bit more privacy starting aged 13 or so, but his 17yr old dd is back to being comfortable with nakedness - hers and her parents (and her grandparents 😂🫣). It’s completely alien to me, but we just laugh about the differences.

I don't think anyone has said they're "obsessed with privacy". It's how you are, your upbringing and class and cultural differences.

Sorry I hadn’t seen your post before I made mine.

I don’t get it though - your bits and pieces are private but mummy and daddy often wander round the house showing theirs…

Children in my country grow up seeing naked people all the time in public saunas but they still learn when nudity is inappropriate and dodgy.

I think it's fine for either parent to be naked with their dc until the dc objects.

I found my dc wanted more privacy from around 7 or 8. But they are teens now and I'd still get changed in front of them when sharing a hotel room (though they would go in the bathroom to change).

Hear hear! I've always thought there was a bit of a logic fail there.

You can't be sure that the 'line' between unhealthy and healthy nudity is understood by every single child, though.

(And, although it's not the point of the thread, I really wouldn't want a child in a sauna with me. Children stare.)

i can’t remember exactly when but I know now they’d not want to see me naked. I accidentally flashed my boobs to adult DS (I came out of my room in my pants and didn’t expect him to be there) - he made some type of gagging sound.
i saw my mum naked for a long while as i used to chat to her when she was in the bath.
I don’t even think DD would want to see my boobs, but I don’t care. She covers up.
i think it really depends on the family tbh.
The last time i saw DS properly naked was when he was about 12 and broke his arm so i had to help him shower!

I would say just before the pre teen years it's best to keep covered. Earlier if they make comments or show signs of being uncomfortable.

I was brought up in a 'naked house' and absolutely hated it. You never hear a teenager say I wish I saw my parents naked more often do you? You will however hear of plenty say they don't like seeing their parents naked. Those that 'don't bat an eyelid' at your nakedness may just be keeping quiet to spare your feelings. I'm sure my DM would say I didn't bat an eyelid, but I just learned to keep my discomfort to myself.

Yes not every child will understand everything, children with additional needs are extra vulnerable in regards to this but those same children will also struggle to understand no matter the way they grow up. But the vast majority of children will understand. They also learn not to stare in the sauna pretty quickly too, as well as other aspects of sauna etiquette.