Adult nudity around children

[Anothermummyinlondon]

I was molested by my father so I don’t really know what the norms are. At what age did you stop being nude around your children? Was/is your DH allowed to bath/shower with your DC (esp girl children) and if so until what age?

I know I carry trauma from my childhood and might worry about things that others find completely normal so I am asking here. Also any suggestions for working through this would be appreciated. DD is 2 and I’ve realised I worry lots about her (even though I trust DH completely). We’re not walking around nude or anything, but for example just DD being there whilst we get dressed. Or her taking a shower with him, would you allow that?

I started making a conscience effort to cover up around my older son when he was about 8. With my girls and younger boy, I never walk around naked in front of them and prefer to get dressed in private but they will use the toilet while I'm in the bath and it's fine. That will probably change over the next couple of years. Only my younger son sees my DH naked. On occasion they've walked in on him but it's not a big deal.

My 7 year old still sees her dad and I naked when we are getting changed (and shares showers sometimes). I'm assuming it might lessen as she gets older, but happy to go with the flow!

We have taught about bodies being private in an age appropriate way, so she knows about not touching others' private parts & vice versa, no photos without being dressed, not being naked around non-immediate family etc.

I agree with PPs that open communication and also teaching children about boundaries, parts of the body are private and shouldn't be touched by other people etc is more important about whether they see their parents in the shower or getting dressed.

DDs are 8 and 5 and they do see me naked but we will get them to wash their privates themselves in the bath, or dry themselves in intimate areas etc. I'll supervise but they know that unless there is a medical problem then nobody else should touch them there. DD2 has a thing for grabbing my boobs when she sees them as she's absolutely fascinated 😆 but I've started telling her that they are a private part of my body so she doesn't need to touch them.

DH stopped allowing DD to see him naked when she was about 4 because at that point it felt uncomfortable for him, DD decided when she was about 8 that she didn’t want her dad to see her getting changed so he respected that. So far DD (11yo) hasn’t shown any discomfort being naked in front of me or seeing me naked and I’m not uncomfortable with it either, plus I want her to see that bodies aren’t all like models and mine certainly proves that. We’ll play it by ear and as soon as she turns/looks away or says she doesn’t like it, I’ll respect her wishes.

Thank you for the kind replies, I honestly expected people might shame me for being prude or too conservative. I will have a chat with DH about my own comfort levels (I’m still sorting that out I now realise). I suppose I sort of assumed that there was a more standard rule so it helps to know we can let the children also set their own limits.

I was going to cover up more once my children turned 4 but our house is so small and my kids just follow me around so they still see me in the nip a few times a week - they are age 6 so far.

I've just accepted we will probably have a 'naked' house, I grew up in one & it really was no big deal in our household. I'm so sorry to hear about your situation, of course you will be thinking about all this a lot.

We’re fairly relaxed about nudity but I think the really important thing is that the parties involved are comfortable with it - particularly the dc. So mine are quite open but naturally as puberty kicks in are more private and more conscious of nudity which is fine with me. I don’t mind being naked in front of them while getting changed etc. And don’t see any difference re dh (their father) as long as they are all comfortable with it.

I am glad to see most of the replies on here, I have seen previous threads where people are absolutely horrified that a child or teen might see a naked adult. We are a naked family, we are also naturists (when on holiday in specific places). We don't walk around naked all over at home but don't care a bit about getting dressed or undressed in front of each other etc. I grew up thinking seeing my parents naked was completely normal too.

In our family we did not wander about naked but if one of the children (of whatever age/gender) happened to catch us un/dressing etc. it was no big deal and initiated no comment.

I have 15yo B/G twins. They came out of me and I also breastfed. They'd follow me in to the loo. Nothing was ever private with those two!

I distinctly remember them both bending down to get a better look at me weeing in a public toilet once (I squat to wee in public toilets). Lots of questions were asked, especially when I needed to change my tampon in a public loo!

Therefore, I don't bat an eyelid about nakedness around them. I don't flaunt it but if I need to run downstairs to fetch a bra or something, while I'm naked then I will. Neither child bats and eyelid about nakedness but they do check if it's ok if they can come in when I'm in the shower or on the loo before they come in now. They're not fussed if I see them on the loo but, again, wouldn't do it on purpose, it would just be if they forget to lock the bathroom door or something.

My girl isn't bothered about me seeing her naked but she doesn't like her Dad or her brother doing so which I think is natural. My boy doesn't usually care if anyone in the house sees him naked. My girl hates it though so I've been firm with him about respecting her boundaries as it's important for them both to learn that know means no and to respect each other.

Their Dad is a bit more uptight and thinks that I shouldn't be naked in front of them but I take my lead from them because of their age. But, to me and then seeing each other like that is natural because we've always done it.

DH never did any of the grunt work after they were babies so they're not used to seeing him naked nor him them by the time our girl was about 8, so they'd find it weird to see him naked.

I'm quite an open book with them as it feels natural to me. There's very little that they haven't seen of me!

I have also done all of the sex ed stuff from when they were preschooler's and asked questions because DH squirms at the thought of even talking to his son about it. I'm even talking to our son now about shaving as my DH squirms at that! My Dad has bought my son his first electric shaver. My belief is that you get out what you put in and DH wonders why they aren't particularly attached to him.

My parents weren't really naked parents. I saw them a couple of times but they wouldn't wander around the house naked. I remember being really surprised to see my best friend walking around in her bra and knickers as a 16 year old in front of her Dad and brother and it seemed normal to them. I didn't realise that other families did that!

So, I trust my own gut and take the lead from my kids.

I don't think there's really a right or wrong. I'm a naturally modest person and haven't been naked in front of my 9 year old for a long time - maybe partially now and then and it's fine either way. However she and her dad do the same activity and sometimes share a family changing room and she's well used to seeing him naked. He's phasing that out now due to her age and how he judges the appropriateness. Neither approaches have been a big deal. She hasn't really set any limits herself yet and still wanders around butt naked and leaves the bathroom door wide open.

I think for parents it just kind of comes naturally. My kids are 9 and 7, the youngest is a bit more reserved about nakedness but both of them will still happily wander round without nothing on to the point where I'm getting uncomfortable and ask them to put pants on.

I don't go out of my way to be naked around them but they will see me in the bath/getting changed and have no issues with it. I'm at the point now where I'm wanting a bit more privacy, not sure why but it's just begun to feel a bit weird.

They are both boys so maybe that has something to do with it because I don't think my husband cares although he's probably less naked than I am simply because the kids don't get up on weekdays until he's dressed for work, they are in bed when he comes to bed and at weekends they tend to leave us be anyway.

For non parents I would say opposite sex nudity might be an issue after puberty even if they are grandparents. Prior to that small children need supervising at bath time, nappy changes, dressing plus kids aren't exactly discreet, always barging in!

I'm personally not a fan of being naked full stop, I'm not one to wander round the house with nothing on even if nobody can see me but that's just my hang ups on the way I look (which I know doesn't make sense when nobody can see me!!)

@TotallyKerplunked In relation to what do they do about showers at school / after sports, it seems that an awful lot of kids (and pongy adolescents) simply don't have showers after sports - at school some wear PE kit all day on the days they have PE. Similarly outside of school, I'm seeing that my kids are some of the very few that seem to make use of shower facilities at their sports clubs. I think it's particularly unappealing to see how few of the teens at one of these change and shower after a session which is invariably a massive sweat fest - many of these kids travel between 1-3 hrs each way to attend. I wouldn't want to be taxi driver to an unwashed, sweaty teen for multiple hours.

My daughter's mixed volleyball team coaches insists they all shower after matches because no one wants to be stuck in a car with sweaty adolescents for several hours, especially the boys.

Quite. I would refuse to transport my child if they weren't sufficiently courteous to freshen up before the drive home, but they are a stark exception to the norm at these sessions. We are 'a naked family' and I guess perhaps my kids are a little more relaxed about freshening up in communal changing rooms due to this than some others might be, but I really do find it pretty nasty that not showering straight after sport seems to have become a norm since the pandemic.

I was at a friend's once and I remember her taking off her top in front her mum and I was really shocked. We weren't a naked family, I've never seen either of my parents anywhere near naked. My dad didn't even wear shorts.

I think there's nothing wrong with being naked and it's perfectly natural. I have respect for other people's privacy however.

I've never been nude around my children. I don't suppose it would have mattered when they were little, but the situation never arose where I happened to be naked in front of them.

Yeah, its nasty. My 7 year old has just started football and I am telling him he has to hit the showers straight after training, trying to get him into a good habit for that. Though I don't know if it'll be an option at away games, not sure all the football pitches have shower facilities.

I'm a 43 year old male who feels totally comfortable being naked around our kids (both girls one 13 and 21) or Infront of anyone for that matter.
The 13 year old was also comfortable being naked around me up until being about 12 when her mum thought it was inappropriate and made a big deal with it. My wife was also sexually abused as a child and also sees being naked around others as an issue..

Personally I think it depends on one person to the next, no actual right or wrong in it.

So yeah I actually like being naked around the house or around people

My DD's dad has never had a bath or shower with her. She wanted privacy from him at some point, I think about 7/8

She and I are still naked around each other pretty much daily and she's 14 now

I dont get all these "my kids see me naked every single day" replies. Not from a modesty perspective, I just don't get the timescales.

How often do you change your clothes for all your teen kids to be in the room with you when it happens every day? Getting changed takes me about 30 seconds two or max three times a day, (so about 0.01% of your entire day) just by the law of averages it would be unusual for children (other than very young ones who need constant supervision) to always be around at that time, every single day.

It's like saying "my kids see me brush my hair every single day". They don't, not because I try to hide my hairbrushing but because it's not something I spend much time doing. They'd have to be hanging round my bedroom every single day, and they've got better things to do!

I sleep naked, don't hide after getting on or out of the shower, don't rush to get dressed the second I get out of the shower, we both often dry our hair dry before getting dressed. I get changed on the landing sometimes, whilst mid conversation with her and so does she. If she asks me to do something like get a spider/moth/carpet beetle out of her room after I've gone to bed I would be naked

This would be different if it weren't only me DD, I'm sure

Exactly the same here, when ours were children.

IMO so much is going to depend on a) when children start to want privacy, and b) when they may prefer not to see their parents in the altogether.

I never saw my parents naked. My kids never saw me or XH naked and we never bathed or showered with them.
Do what you're comfortable with.

I have two sons aged 8 and 12.

Neither of them are bothered about being naked around me when they’re getting in and out of the shower, getting ready for bed, getting dressed etc. They’re quite comfortable with nudity.

I however made a conscious effort to keep myself covered up when my eldest hit about 10-11 years old. If he sees me in my underwear I’m not fussed but I don’t feel comfortable with him seeing me naked anymore, and I don’t feel it’s appropriate. If it happens by accident then it’s not a bother and I don’t make a big deal out of it or anything, I just remind him that when I’m getting dressed or getting in/out the bath or shower etc then it’s important he knocks or takes a second to remember that some people prefer to have privacy.

With my 8 year old I’m not so strict about it but as he also gets nearer to the ages of 10-11 I will also no doubt start feeling that boundaries are more appropriate and explain to him that when it comes to nudity in front of other people it’s important to take into account that everyone has different feelings about what they’re comfortable with and that it’s important to be considerate of them.