Adult nudity around children

[Anothermummyinlondon]

I was molested by my father so I don’t really know what the norms are. At what age did you stop being nude around your children? Was/is your DH allowed to bath/shower with your DC (esp girl children) and if so until what age?

I know I carry trauma from my childhood and might worry about things that others find completely normal so I am asking here. Also any suggestions for working through this would be appreciated. DD is 2 and I’ve realised I worry lots about her (even though I trust DH completely). We’re not walking around nude or anything, but for example just DD being there whilst we get dressed. Or her taking a shower with him, would you allow that?

Step parent then never.

male parent female child around 8/9 in my opinion but that’s my opinion I’d not judge those who do different.

my kids are 8 and 10 and I’m naked in front of them fairly often as shower with door open to supervise (8 year old has special needs needs constant supervision).

my own parents were never naked in front of me. I feel there is an element of understanding a female body changes with age and after having children my kids will have that I didn’t. I used to be so shallow and judgmental of female bodies that didn’t conform to the 90s beauty standards and wish I’d have been told woman’s bodies are beautiful for what they do and the changes they go through not disgusting and shameful so need covering up

There is no normal I think, it’s whatever you feel comfortable with. I’m not there yet but mumsnet has taught me that children tend to lead the way and will naturally start wanting more privacy at some point. I was raised in a non-naked family but am now a naked family!

I’m a single mum of an 8yo boy and although I wasn’t SA’d, there had been SA in my family, so I probably think about this stuff more than some.

I think I stopped bathing/ showering with my son when he was about 4. In terms of nudity, he sees me in the bath/shower getting changed etc- but I have started to gently encourage him to knock/ check if he can come in (not working, lol).

in terms of his nudity- he’s very comfortable being naked. I always ask if he’d like privacy when showering/changing and he’s always like “no- I want company” 😂

I imagine there will come a day when that changes and will be led by him.

My teen would be mortified seeing me naked! 😁

For me, it feels like a natural barrier/boundry to not be naked around my kids as they get older.

I didn’t realise how common it was to have some nudity in the home in front of kids, so I guess it’s what feels comfortable to you.

🙈🙈🙈🙈

"I think the more naked bodies a teen sees, the better tbh!"

Why????? @Haggisfish3 what is your reasoning

I haven't had a pee, poo or shower in peace since my girls were born. We don't walk around naked but if they happen do see us naked it's not a big deal. They will go into the bathroom to wee when DH is showering and we don't have an issue with that.

However, the kids both know about the pants rule. They've read the pantasuras book. They sing the pantasurus song and we talk about body autonomy and boundaries. These are conversations you need to keep having and reinforcing with repetition. I've added some links for you.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=LnroTxz7USI

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=aSFvJbSQdA4

https://amzn.eu/d/92dBGf5

https://amzn.eu/d/ffZFDB2

I’m so sorry that happened to you OP. I personally feel that being transparent and comfortable about nudity, knowing who has what body parts and their accurate anatomical names is really important for children. If they are taught naked bodies are shameful I feel like they would be less likely to say something if somebody was touching them inappropriately due to embarrassment. And I think it’s positive for them to see and be accepting of normal human bodies, as they will likely be bombarded with modified and unobtainable images of bodies on social media etc, especially now with AI.

DS told me he’s uncomfortable seeing me naked when he was 9. He’s 11 now and I take his lead in terms of him being naked around me. Sometimes he asks me to sit in the bathroom for a chat when he’s having a shower or he might leave the door open when he’s having a wee.

edited to add he doesn’t mind seeing his dad naked at the moment.

We are a naked family. My son sees me and his step parent (step parent from when he was tiny) naked regularly and doesn’t bat an eyelid. He’s more reserved which we respect.

What does SN mean? Did you mean SEN?

DD shared a bath with DH (not on a regular basis, more when they both wanted it) until she was 4-5.
When we went on holiday she would often shower with one of us and the other would then get a naked and slippery child to dry off while the other one finished in the shower.

DH goes naked into the bathroom each morning and out again, so yes, she may spot him naked if she is on the same floor. We don't own dressing gowns and don't like dressing in a steamy bathroom.

For me - she will come into my room when I am dressing, she knocks and asks. I find it important to make as less fuss as possible about nudity, it's normal and unless you aren't flashing for every stranger to see a child should learn how a body looks. It also helps with body image when they grow older.

We're probably a naked family but only when it is appropriate to be naked: getting dressed, walking from bedroom to shower etc. We don't walk about naked. Bodies are normal. However we talk a lot about boundaries. I help the children dry but they need to do their private areas, if they need cream on their bits then I ask permission and where possible do it themselves. If using moisture cream again I will ask before putting it on.
There is a family rule of at least underpants or PJ bottoms when not needing to be naked for hygiene reasons...

I don't think there are any norms really. It varies so much between families. I personally don't ever remember seeing my parents naked.
I used to be naked around my kids until one day, it just seemed odd and I stopped. I kind of didn't want them to remember me being naked. I think they were around 5 or 6.
For other families it's normal and thats fine. My friend used to have baths with her mum when she was 15. I would hate this. I didn't and don't want to see my mother's naked body and I definitely didn't want her to see my naked teenage body. However, that doesn't mean I'm right. Maybe I have issues, maybe I'm a prude. I don't know. I'm just not comfortable with it. My friend and her mum were comfortable with it, and that's fine.

I think it’ll change when DD is older and more aware but as it’s just the two of us at home, I’m frequently naked in front of her. I assume she’ll want privacy when she’s entering her teens and everything I do will be mortifyingly embarrassing to her, at which point I’ll remind her that if she’s walking into my room unannounced she’ll likely see me in my birthday suit.

It needs to be what everyone is happy with. We don’t wander round naked all the time, but something I read that stuck was that if your teen’s only experience of nudity is porn, they’re going to have a very unrealistic view of the average body.

The important thing here is not 'the norm', it's that you and your husband agree on what you are comfortable with. Given your terrible experiences, he needs to be sensitive to the fact that you may err on the side of caution where parental nudity is involved, and that's okay.

I haven't had a pee, poo or shower in peace since my girls were born.

Same! But my daughter is only 2 and has two mummies, so I'm fairly relaxed about that (although I do look forward to one day having some privacy).

I do think more thought needs to go into what age it's no longer appropriate for a girl to see her dad naked- it's a tricky one, and I'm glad it's not something I need to consider.

Great idea to link to Pantasaurus, although it's now going to be stuck in my head for the rest of the day. 😂

Sorry to hear about your background OP but I think I agree with others, no right or wrong answer.
I grew up in a not naked family but had a very close friend who came from a naked family. I regularly used to see her mums boobs or her Dad would leave the bathroom door open when peeing! It was all so matter of fact though that it was just a case of 'oh, thats just Pams mum and dad!'.
Oddly enough I would of been more weirded out seeing boobs at home then at my mates house!LOL😅

Naked family here. My mom was a hippie and her child rearing was pop them naked in the garden for a few years!

I'm naked around my kids, I feel it shows them body confidence and that we all look different. There's usually a naked kid wondering around my house but we do keep dressing gowns handy in case of visitors.

As for swimming, we all share a family cubicle, why wouldn't you? Kids need help changing and surely thats better than never taking them swimming in case they see any adult skin? My mom comes with us and we still all share (DD is fascinated that we have matching c-section scars).

What happens when they do need to be naked/see others naked? DS1 does a very physical sport and is expected to have a communal shower afterwards or what about changing/showering for PE at school?

If my kids were uncomfortable then I'd change things but as DS1 (13) jumped in my shower this morning so I'd get out then I don't think that's now.

I do knock before going into his bedroom but that's just to protect me from seeing something else.

Oh sorry, I misread, he did it so you'd get out! 😂

We are a non-naked family. We don’t walk in on each other in the bathroom and close the bedroom door when changing. We have two teenage girls and stopped changing around them when they were around 2 maybe 2.5 years old.

This is something that varies so much from family to family and culture to culture, there's no 'normal' so you just need to be guided by what is comfortable for your family, and follow your child's lead when they want more privacy.

I'm in Finland where the sauna culture means nudity within families is very normal but also has its natural limits. We all went to sauna together as a family (me, DP, DD, and DS) until DD reached puberty and naturally wanted more privacy and now she goes by herself and DP and DS go together and I either go with them or by myself (to enjoy some peace!), either me or DP shower with DS still as he can't wash himself properly yet, though I'm working on that as its time he did it himself. Both children (7 and 14) have zero compunction about walking in on me showering or getting changed but DD would absolutely hate it she accidentally walked in on DP.
And being in Finland they've both seen many many naked adults at the sauna and the showers in the town swimming pool so the naked body is not a shock to them at all, its completely mundane.

I'm still comfortable seeing my mum naked and vice versa when she visits and we go to sauna. There was that brief period during puberty when I wasn't comfortable with it, but once I was an adult I was back to being fine with it again.

We’re a “naked family”, I suppose. My DH will always get clothes off in our bedroom or bathroom, but our teen DDs are always in and out (in various states of undress themselves), so it clearly doesn’t bother them one jot and so nobody makes a big deal of it. DH would be more sensitive than I am about walking in on them in the bathroom (but half the time they’re in ours, so, again, it clearly doesn’t bother them.) They refused to go naked in a German sauna on holiday, though - which was also completely fine. It’s not something I ever make a big deal about.