Adult nudity around children

[Anothermummyinlondon]

I was molested by my father so I don’t really know what the norms are. At what age did you stop being nude around your children? Was/is your DH allowed to bath/shower with your DC (esp girl children) and if so until what age?

I know I carry trauma from my childhood and might worry about things that others find completely normal so I am asking here. Also any suggestions for working through this would be appreciated. DD is 2 and I’ve realised I worry lots about her (even though I trust DH completely). We’re not walking around nude or anything, but for example just DD being there whilst we get dressed. Or her taking a shower with him, would you allow that?

Went in the bath with the kids when they needed holding as babies but not after that, wouldn’t be concerned if they saw me or DW naked, but wouldn’t intentionally do so

So do people wander around the house naked then? Or is it that their DC are allowed into the bathroom/bedroom etc when the parent getting changed/having a shower etc? Just curious!

I was taught about privacy from very young (knocking on bedroom doors and waiting to be told to come in from about the age of 4). I would never have gone into the bathroom when one of my parents was using it either.

@LiviaDrusillaAugusta my DD’s have never knocked on my door once growing up, they just barged in, they also had no issues walking from their rooms to the airing cupboard, bathroom or nipping downstairs to fetch clothes naked or nearly naked even as young adults. After I met their step dad (they were both over 18) they did start to get a bit more careful but still underwear is fine in their book, and to be honest dsd once she knew me has been the same (she moved in with us). I think some people are just more relaxed about things than others. Certainly helps I think to not be too obsessed with privacy

@hahabahbag I don't think it's fair to label people as "obsessed". This has been a reasonable thread, with differing viewpoints and I can't detect obsession from any posters.
Just differences of attitude and habits.

Yes, I wander around naked sometimes. If I need to get clothes from the clothes horse downstairs that I've forgotten or a towel from the dryer etc

I grew up in rural 70s Scotland. No nakedness at all and I can't imagine it happened in my friends' houses.
I was horrified when I moved to England and my new neighbours said that it was nice to have a house of their own so they could walk around naked!

Our kids are early 20s. One lives at home, the other is here often for weekends. We don’t make a point of walking around naked, but we’re not a particularly private family and we have no locks on bathroom doors. They’d not bat an eye, for example at being in the main bathroom to get something while I’m in the bath, or coming into our bedroom when we’re undressed.

I'm intrigued then as to sexual activity? If your kids are used to just going in and out of your bedroom if you're undressed, how do you get privacy when you're intimate?

Mum and grandma were both naked around us growing up but never the men. Some families do and some families don’t. There is no “norm” I don’t think.

These days, that only happens at night if they’re home. They never come into our room once we’re in bed. They’re probably scared to, having both caught us in flagrante as children. 😂

DH and I both get dressed, walk to shower etc naked without worrying about kids seeing us and they don’t seem bothered.

DS7 is happy naked but is aware that there are boundaries about appropriateness.

DD 10 is starting puberty so understandably getting self conscious about being seen naked so we’re respectful of that.

Yes. I could see that would have alarmed them! 😲 😉

Non-naked family here. I don't have particularly strong views about it though. I can appreciate the argument in favour of a more accepting and unashamed attitude towards nakedness, it's just not something I personally comfortable with. I think we consciously stopped letting the dc see us naked when they were about 3 or 4, but tbh I wouldn't walk around naked even if I were alone in the house. It's just habit not to!

DS will often walk in while I'm having a shower to ask a question no matter how many times I tell him to let me shower in peace!

That's rude of him, unless he's very little! That's less about nudity, more about respecting space.

So sorry OP. 🌷

It’s just never been a thing in our family. So whilst we don’t actively try to be naked in front of each other, it’s never a problem if we are…

Ie. If someone is showering and they need something from the bathroom they just knock and say sorry and person in shower turns around to shield a full frontal view if that makes sense. Likewise if someone was getting changed it would just be like an opp sorry - neither persons trying to actually look at each other.

And that’s now contained up to adulthood really. Mid 30s, parents now 70s. It’s just not a big deal in our family.

I was also abused op so I totally get it.

It's just me and my younger dc that live here, but I'm guided by them. The oldest is 25 and the youngest is 9.

I give them their privacy. They wander in and out when I'm in the bath or getting changed. I don't wander about the house naked. My 25 and 21yos also think nothing of coming into the bathroom for a chat if they pop over.

As long as the kids have choice and are comfortable you're doing fine.

I always feel like a total prude reading these threads. Both DH and I come from very non-naked families, and we have continued that way. I've never seen my parents naked in living memory except once when my dad walked out the shower and didn't know I was home. DH and I showered / bathed with children when they were little, but stopped as soon as they were big enough to go in together in together (3 yr difference, same sex). Neither of my boys have seen me naked since then. I walk from bathroom to bedroom in a bra but always with trousers on - pjs or whatever. DH is maybe slightly more naked but he's male and so are they. Both children wanted privacy from age 10 and up and we respect that.

I don't have a problem either way as long as everyone is okay with the situation and individual preferences are respected.

My DH and I have two DS's, currently 8 and 5. We don't generally shower with them anymore but would if we needed to for any reason. We both would walk in and out of bedroom/bathroom naked and that could be in front of the boys. I'm not from a 'naked' family but it's never felt like a weird thing for me in the family I've built. I actually think it's good for my sons to see me, just an average normal woman, so that as they grow up they know what 'normal' is. And that their dad appreciates it/loves me for me. They've also seen me change tampons etc when I've been in public toilets etc and I actually think it will shape how they view typically 'womens issues' as we've had many a good conversation about it all! The more you normalise the naked body and all the weird and wonderful things that come with it, the less obsessed/ worried about it they'll be as they grow up (or that's how I perceive it anyway!)

Echoing what a pp said, I was taught from childhood not to go into bedrooms without permission or into bathrooms when someone else is using it. I thought this was the norm at the time but now I am questioning that!

As we only have a family bathroom, sometimes DSs come in when I'm showering, but we have a wall to wall shower curtain so they don't actually see anything.

I never walk around naked, even when I'm home alone. I might walk from bathroom to bedroom with just a towel, but that's about it.

My child is 5 now, we haven’t had a bath together for a while. Probably won’t again, used to do it all the time when he was small. We still sleep in together, most nights.

I try not to get changed or go to the loo in front of him anymore, at home. At swimming, I think it’s fine. He’s aware of boy / girl differences now.

He's 8 so quite little still and probably doesn't view it yet as any different to interrupting me when I'm washing the dishes or reading a book, which I'd also tell him to let me do in peace. So yeah rude but understandable still at that age.

We're a 'naked' family. Don't walk around d naked for the sake of it, but if someone's forgotten a towel and walks into their room from the bathroom no one bats an eyelid.

School uniforms are kept downstairs and the kids - including the teen boys - tend to come downstairs to get dressed in the morning. Quite often I have to run downstairs because my pants are in the dryer. Its just bodies - we dont get hung up over them.

But none of us have ever been abused so that isnt something that crosses our mind, and I can see why it woukd if you've experienced that.

(Can't go back to edit - meant to say their pants and socks are kept in the uniform drawers so they generally change them downstairs)

If one of them ever decides theyre uncomfortablenwith the situation then we will make changes but it works as it now

My oldest is 4 next month. I will still have baths with him.

Every family is diffenent. Do what you feel comfortable with.

We do a bit of nakedness like stepping out of the shower or DC might ask me Qs while I'm trying to put my bra on etc. I think it's quite important for girls to see mums naked because it is probably the only chance they'll ever get to see a normal woman's body.

DH usually covers up but they might see him in the shower if they run in to grab the toothbrush.