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Original poster

So... I ruined my son's day out

246 replies

MeanWeedratStew · 15/04/2025 07:55

Long story short: My teenage son went to the cinema with friends today (it's school holidays where we live). He has a bank account that's attached to mine. I checked it early this morning, saw that he had plenty of money in it, figured he would be fine.

What I didn't realise, however, was that his account has a weekly spend limit as a default setting. I, as his parent, have to manually change this limit online. I didn't know this. My son's card was declined and he missed out on seeing the film with his friends. He is now home, understandably upset with me, and I feel like the world's shittest mother. I feel like I'm always double and triple checking everything to do with my kids, and I just can't believe I was dumb enough to overlook this.

If you want to kick me while I'm down, then... bring it on, I guess. I feel I deserve it.

If you can commiserate with a story about a time your felt you failed your child, please share. It might help me to feel less shit.

OP posts:
redphonecase · 15/04/2025 07:55

It happens. Didn't he ring you when it was declined?

OrsolaRosso · 15/04/2025 07:56

What is the spend limit set at, and was he aware of the limit?

SilverButton · 15/04/2025 07:58

YANBU not to realise this - it's not something obvious. I'm surprised one of his friends didn't pay for him and he could have paid them back?

Youaremythtaken · 15/04/2025 07:59

Why would you deserve a kicking over that?
It's obviously something that's easy to overlook.
Its disappointing for him of course but not the end of the world..now you both know to check this before he goes on a day out. No big deal.

SoftandQuiet · 15/04/2025 08:00

Well you know now, no biggy

rainbowstardrops · 15/04/2025 08:00

As others have said, why didn’t one of his friends sub him and why didn’t he ring you? Don’t blame yourself, it’s just one of those things.

Sprogonthetyne · 15/04/2025 08:00

Presumably he could have rang you from the cinema and got it sorted instantly, the coming home and missing the film instead is just teenage over-dramatics. I really wouldn't beat yourself up over it.

Hazeby · 15/04/2025 08:00

This has happened to me before and my kids just phone me and I change it. Why didn’t he do that?

Also, none of his mates covered him?? Mean!

TheCurious0range · 15/04/2025 08:01

For future is it worth him keeping an emergency £10 in the back of his phone case or something? I do just in case there's somewhere that doesn't take card or has issues with their machines (both things I've come across)
I would've expected him to call you tbh

Flipslop · 15/04/2025 08:01

sounds like the expectation for you and of yourself is to be perfect, that’s an entirely impossible thing to be. Give yourself a break and also when your son is calm have a chat about how some mutual respect needs to be in place here, pile on the empathy about how disappointing it must have been for him but in life sometimes things happen and it’s an unhealthy habit to make everything someone else’s fault and direct the feeling at them rather than accept it as it is

Moonsonetime · 15/04/2025 08:01

Call home? Borrow money from a friend to pay back once home? That's what my dd would do. Maybe it was a growing up lesson too for him.

TheaBrandt1 · 15/04/2025 08:02

Why didn’t he message you get his friend to pay and you ping money straight to friend? Teens are usually quite resourceful at sorting out stuff like that.

1apenny2apenny · 15/04/2025 08:02

So he just didn’t do anything about it and just missed the movie? Did he not consider calling you to ask you to manually change it? Ask a friend to pay and then pay back? Take some cash?

I wouldn’t be blaming myself for this, I’d be telling him he needs to be more prepared and resilient.

How old is he and how did he then get home?

TheaBrandt1 · 15/04/2025 08:03

Sorry op he sounds abit wet. Is he 13 and his first trip out?

DappledThings · 15/04/2025 08:03

Why are you asking people to tell you you're shit? It was an unfortunate mistake. He could have called you, he could have borrowed from his friends, he could have checked the ts and cs of the account himself.

If he's telling you're awful and you deserve a kicking you need to stand up against that. Not ask strangers on the Internet to join in your self flagellation.

Original poster
MeanWeedratStew · 15/04/2025 08:03

I wasn't aware of the spend limit, so he definitely wasn't. He's only had the account for a few months and has used it a couple of times for small spends. I usually give him cash when he goes out but I didn't today (regretting that now). He'd already spent over the limit on snacks when he went to buy his ticket and the card was declined.

He did ring me when his card was declined. I then went online and spent a panicked few minutes trying to figure out how to change the card settings. By the time I'd sorted it, all the seats near his mates had filled up (popular movie) and he just wanted to come home.

OP posts:
TheaBrandt1 · 15/04/2025 08:04

Crap friends. No way would my teens friends would have left her like that in those circumstances.

crumblingschools · 15/04/2025 08:04

One of his friends could have subbed him, he could have phoned you (if available) to raise the limit or pay over the phone. Does he know there is a spending limit, maybe a lesson on budgeting?

crumblingschools · 15/04/2025 08:05

@MeanWeedratStew why didn’t you just pay over the phone

Hercisback1 · 15/04/2025 08:06

His friends are a bit naff.

FrenchandSaunders · 15/04/2025 08:10

How old?

doodleschnoodle · 15/04/2025 08:11

Just one of life’s minor unfortunate incidents. I wouldn’t stress about it, no one died, it’s just a cinema trip. There will be others. Frankly I’d hope that my teenager would help their friend out if they could afford to do so.

If it was resolved in a few minutes and his friends had already gone off without him then that’s not really your fault.

IButtleSir · 15/04/2025 08:13

You seriously need to cut yourself some slack. I can understand why your son would be upset, but he needs to get over it, as do you. If this is the worst thing that has happened to him recently, he is clearly living a pretty charmed life.

Zippidydoodah · 15/04/2025 08:13

This could have been avoided if you’d just bought him the ticket yourself online or in your phone. Stop beating yourself up, please. It was an accident.you need to bring him up to be more resilient than you are being!

Original poster
MeanWeedratStew · 15/04/2025 08:14

He's 13. Going out with friends is still a bit new to him. I know there are things he could have done, but this was a new situation for him.

I don't know why his friends didn't sub him, but I know he would never ask. To be fair to his friends, I think, like him, they just didn't know what to do.

As to why I didn't pay over the phone - it honestly didn't occur to me. I was so absorbed in trying to change the card settings online.

OP posts:
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